Dante Vs. Nature 38

I believe that when a woman gets married or dates someone, no matter how strong and tough that woman is, she likes to believe that if the shit hit the fan that her man would be able to protect her and/or their child. Sadly, this isn't always the case. Sometimes they end up with a guy that is a big ass pussbot that is afraid of small animals. Teresa Barker and her boyfriend Lee Palmer of Oregon were held hostage by a 22 pound fat ass kitty cat when it decided to go H.A.M on them.

They called animal control and they wouldn't come. This isn't unheard of. I called once when me and my brother were kept from heading into our home when a giant ass St. Bernard of the crackhead neighbors was loose and on our porch. My brother bailed and I waited until my other brother came home and he blocked the dog off with his car. He then sprayed the dog with air freshener after calling animal control who never came. But that was a dog that was a couple hundred pounds. Not a damned kitty cat with anger issues! But I digress.

Rosscast Episode 170: The Anti Thug

 In this all over the place ass episode I talk about being sick, old people doing stupid things when they’re bored, “mangasms” and how much I hate them, why I'm not 'hood enough, work, and a bunch of other crap I cant recall on account of all the sugar I’ve consumed. Click here to download this and older episodes of the Rosscast and click here to download the show and subscribe through iTunes. Even though the player says this show is 44 minutes long, it isn't. Enjoy!

Rosscast Episode 139: "It's In Fucking Mississippi!"

Rosscast Episode 139

The Rosscast

In this episode I talk about The Hurt Locker still sucking, Dr. Drew being stalked, eating healthy, teachers boning students, David Letterman’s blackmailer getting sent to jail, hygiene, schools closing, being home schooled, lesbians shutting down proms, 911 calls, and Prius’ driving themselves. Click here to download the show or click here to subscribe through iTunes. Enjoy!

Rosscast Episode 111: Where Am The Poleeses?!

In this episode I just felt like babbling. I rant about Octomom, shitty White House security, an old man losing his mind in Vegas, food with religious things in them, and shooting folks, and funny 911 phone calls. Remember to click here to download and even embed to your sites this and older Rosscast shows. Enjoy!

Rosscast Episode 60: Saturday Night Fevuh!

In this mellow episode I talk about cruisers being run over, my latest story, stinky folks on buses, people being pushed out of cars, and useless 911 calls. Remember to download this and older episodes just click this link. Enjoy!

"Crushed"

Yeah, so the other day a cruiser got ran over across the street from me.

Here was the plan for the day. I would wait for Jess to get here (hello, babe!). We’d head out to Griffith to hang at the Observatory and eat dinner. A good spaghetti with some garlic bread Jess got. It was gonna be awesome. Then we were gonna head over to Purple Panther tattoo to hang with Ikuko. Things didn’t go as planned.

As soon as Jess got here this dude gets run over.

He was sitting on the curb across the street where the meters are. Cruisers hang out there all day and night. Actually, as soon as the cops and ambulances left they were back to selling their asses. Jess comes upstairs and she is already calling 911. She actually saw it all happen. I jumped up when I heard the shouting so I missed the first few seconds of it.

This is what happened. A guy, obviously drunk, pulled out of the bar and for no reason started backing up. He backed over the guy, stopped, backed up a little more as he looked around like “What’s everyone screaming about?” He pulled forward and jumped out. Hmm. He “stumbled” out and walked over like he bumped into a fence or something.

All these people were gathering and the dude in the yellow shirt was shouting at the driver who was acting like it wasn’t such a big deal. The cops took forever to show up. Then finally an ambulance and a fire truck (because they always send a fire truck) showed up. The guy was rolling on the ground and kinda twisted up. Jess was shaken by it. I wasn’t. I’ve seen worse (Alex knows what I’m talking about) and for as stupid as the drunk driver was this guy shouldn’t have been sitting on the curb.

Me and Jess were watching from the window when a cop spotted us and asked if we called. Jess said yes and we told him what we knew. The driver’s boys were trying to defend him and saying that the guy was trying to scam the driver. I acknowledge that the guy who got crushed is a cruiser in the area. I have been seeing him and his boys all week. But that doesn’t mean you have free reign to run over whoever you please because you don’t like how they live.

After talking to the cops and watching the drama we ate and then headed to the Observatory. It was a nice night out. The air was cool up there and we sat and talked a bit. Jess dozed off at some point while we overlooked the city. I demand a do over for yesterday. Because if all that silliness hadn’t happened the night would have been way cooler.

Oh, and Ikuko never answered her phone and we didn’t see her at the shop.

Rockets.

Monkey See Monkey Rip Face Off

STAMFORD, Conn. (AP) — Travis the chimpanzee, a veteran of TV commercials, was the constant companion of a lonely Connecticut widow who fed him steak, lobster and ice cream. He could eat at the table, drink wine from a stemmed glass, use the toilet, and dress and bathe himself. He brushed his teeth with a Water Pik, logged on to a computer to look at photos and channel-surfed television with the remote control.

But on Monday, the wild animal in him came out with a vengeance.

The 200-pound animal viciously mauled a friend of his owner before being shot to death by police. Investigators are trying to figure out why — whether it was a bout of Lyme disease, a reaction to drugs, or a case of instinct taking over.

"It's hard to say what exactly precipitated this behavior" said Colleen McCann, a primatologist at the Bronx Zoo. "At the end of the day, they are not human and you can't always predict their behavior and how they or any other wild animal will respond when they feel threatened."

Travis attacked 55-year-old Charla Nash as Sandra Herold frantically stabbed her beloved pet with a butcher knife and pounded him with a shovel. Nash was in critical condition Tuesday with "life-changing, if not life-threatening," injuries to her face and hands, Mayor Dannel Malloy said.

Why in the hell will you have a pet chimp?! This is the first thing I asked myself when I heard this story. I love how this lady does this weird ass crap and then wants the police to solve her problem. When the cops asked her over the phone during the 911 call who was attacking she shouted:

"My chimpanzee!" she cries. "He ripped her apart! Shoot him, shoot him!"

Uh, no? I would have so many questions for her that by the time I sent the cops he would’ve eaten her ass up, too. Questions like:

“Wait. Did you say your ‘chimpanzee’?”

“No, seriously. A chimpanzee?”

“Why do you own a chimp? Isn’t that illegal?”

“Can you describe the chimp in question?”

“Okay, for real. You actually own a chimp?”

This is why I don’t work for 911. This is one of those stories when I find it hard to feel sorry for a victim.

"Xanax could have made him worse" if human studies are any indication, Dr. Coccaro said.

Wait, did they say Xanax?! Why in the hell would you give a chimp Xanax?! Come on, America. The most fucked up thing is that when chimps attack folks they always gotta rip faces off or pulled penises off. Why? I’m not a huge fan of my face and I don’t use my wang much but I don’t want either separated from my body. I never wanna look across the room and go, “Oh, there’s my face! I was looking for that. And there’s my penis! I wondered where it went…”
So, now we know what not to have in your house.

Pandas.

Koalas.

Chimps.

Oh, my!

Rockets.