Bird Box Challenge Champion

Have you seen that Bird Box movie on Netflix? My condolences. I have written about the challenges that sweep the world for a few weeks before someone gets hurt, fired from their job, or dies. The current challenge that idiots are doing is the Bird Box Challenge. It is a thing where you put on a blindfold and just try to do things. From the photos and videos I have seen there have been people running into walls. Trying to walk through their own home unsuccessfully, lifting weights, or running. The current champion is a 17 year old girl from Utah that crashed her car while trying this challenge. Yeah. She got into a vehicle, put on a blindfold, and drove a car. The teen was not hurt nor was the 16 year old passenger in the car with her or the driver of the other car her stupid ass hit.

Allegedly she pulled her beanie over her eyes while driving. Police tweeted the image of her car along with the message “Bird Box Challenge while driving...predictable result.” Officer Lyman said “Luckily no injuries. It's just outrageous that somebody would think to do that. The stakes are just way too high to do something like that while you're driving.” This is not something you should have to say to another human. You shouldn't. And I hope this girl is never allowed to drive ever again. “But she is just a kid! They do things like that!” Yeah. Teens o do things like that. You know, hitting people with their cars and killing them. Sure, the guy she hit was not killed or the person in the car with her but it could have easily happened because she decided to do some silly shit like drive a big ass car with her vision impaired. It is reported that her car started veering, she went into oncoming traffic, sideswiped a car, hit a light pole, and then a concrete barrier.

This shit has gotten so stupid that even Netflix had to issue a statement. “Can't believe I have to say this, but: PLEASE DO NOT HURT YOURSELVES WITH THIS BIRD BOX CHALLENGE. We don’t know how this started, and we appreciate the love, but Boy and Girl have just one wish for 2019 and it is that you not end up in the hospital due to memes.”

Women Love Fire

It's one thing to try to burn your ex boyfriends house down. It's another to waste a pound of perfectly good bacon to do it! 32 year old Cameo Adawn Crispi of Utah that likely has very hippie parents called and texted her ex to let him know that she put some bacon over his burner and left it on. The ex called cops and told them he wanted this bacon burning broad out of his house and when they showed up smoke was coming out. On the floor was hot coals around an open wood stove (whatever the hell that is) as well as the bacon. When arrested Cameo (word up!) had a blood alcohol level of 0.346. That is high as fuck! She is heading to court in October and faces burglary, arson, and whatever other charges they can throw at her. Hopefully unlawful waste of bacon based products is a thing. She is kinda cute though the same way most crazy chicks are. Its science. Her hair situation can be helped though. I hope they arrested her right out of the shower because her hair is as greasy as that delicious pound of bacon she wasted. Damn, I am so hungry for bacon right now. I can't believe she is 32 though. I see how drunk these people are in stories and wonder how much alcohol ages folks. Okay. Now she isn't as cute as she was a few sentences ago. The longer I look the angrier I get that she wasted so much bacon. Sentence: death by potato!