Thursday, August 28, 2014

Women Love Fire

It's one thing to try to burn your ex boyfriends house down. It's another to waste a pound of perfectly good bacon to do it! 32 year old Cameo Adawn Crispi of Utah that likely has very hippie parents called and texted her ex to let him know that she put some bacon over his burner and left it on. The ex called cops and told them he wanted this bacon burning broad out of his house and when they showed up smoke was coming out. On the floor was hot coals around an open wood stove (whatever the hell that is) as well as the bacon. When arrested Cameo (word up!) had a blood alcohol level of 0.346. That is high as fuck! She is heading to court in October and faces burglary, arson, and whatever other charges they can throw at her. Hopefully unlawful waste of bacon based products is a thing. She is kinda cute though the same way most crazy chicks are. Its science. Her hair situation can be helped though. I hope they arrested her right out of the shower because her hair is as greasy as that delicious pound of bacon she wasted. Damn, I am so hungry for bacon right now. I can't believe she is 32 though. I see how drunk these people are in stories and wonder how much alcohol ages folks. Okay. Now she isn't as cute as she was a few sentences ago. The longer I look the angrier I get that she wasted so much bacon. Sentence: death by potato! 

Over in Warm Springs, Oregon 23 year old Sadie Renee Johnson started a fire on the Warm Springs Indian Reservation last year that spread 80 miles and cost close to $8 million dollars to deal with. Want to know why? Because he friends that were firefighters were bored and needed something to do. She started the fire by tossing a firework from her car. And because you can't be stupid without letting the world know throw social media she posted on Facebook “Like my fire?” You asshat. The reason this information is coming out over a year later is because it's fire season and she is set to be sentenced next week. This woman thinks in cartoon. It would be like going out and robbing a bank because your cop friends are bored. This is another cute cray chick but the lack of bacon in her tale makes me want to throw the book at her. I don't know what's with all these women burning things all of a sudden like that baby sitter I wrote about. This one is young but you can tell by her mugshot that she doesn't give a shit that she did so much damage. She likely knows she won't have to pay back all that money and will get off free in a year or two. I'll attempt a follow up after she is sentenced. 

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