Shit Just Got Real 18

Fuck. That was the first thing I said when I saw this story. An old man, Joseph Vallenti, celebrated his 96th birthday and his family got him a cake. That's nice. My birthday is next week and no one is getting me a cake. So his family got him his favorite cake, German apple, and he cut into it and got the worst surprise anyone could ever get. Rat.

He got it from King Kullen which is a grocery store in Commack, New York. After he ate it he got stomach pains and diarrhea which at the age of 96 you can only hope that isn't the beginning of your death. Seriously, he's 96 fucking years old. He has survived so much crazy shit in the world and a rat infested cake could've taken him out. A guy that is dating his niece said that he saw what appeared to be a tail sticking out the cake.

Cue Sad Hulk music...

This is when shit gets real.

Five Things I Learned From My Brother

Every year my birthday passes I think more and more of my late brother. I think of him every single day but on my birthday more so because I am two years older than he was when he died. To me that is hard as hell to accept and so weird. If I had died two years ago I wouldn't have met my friends beautiful daughter, hung out with cool people, or seen my best friend flying through the ranks of the library system while simultaneously making me stutardedly happy. .

For anyone that wants to know about my brother and how he passed away (the full version I've only told someone about once) click here. There are links to previous blogs about him as well. He was a cool ass dude and I learned a lot of things from him.

Its My Birthday aka Take That Death!

My birthday is coming up. Like in about half an hour I’ll be 33 years old. I don’t know what I expected my life to be like at this age. At one point I wanted a family, job, and a nice home. But over time I realized that what I really wanted was to be happy and I guess those things didn’t factor into that equation. Because, full disclosure, I’m a selfish person.

Now hear me out! I’m not “across the board” selfish. When I have I give. I love to see my friends happy and when I can do things that make them smile I will. But when I look at the things I do for myself they are totally “Me me me!” things. Drawing, reading, writing, podcasts, short films, painting, and ironing. These are all things I do by myself because sharing is for the gays.

Rosscast Episode 216: Grown Old Ass Man

In this episode I talk about my birthday, Charlie Sheen being crazy (yet a hero), a woman feeling up her co-worker at a Waffle House, working, and bad orgasms. Click here to download this and older Rosscast shows. Enjoy!

Rosscast Episode 137: Wrong Side Of 30

Rosscast Episode 137

The Rosscast

In this birthday episode I talk about past birthday celebrations good and bad, answer some listener questions, discuss bad teachers during Black History Month, kids doing air traffic control, chicks throwing babies in the trash, a Gilligan’s Island movie, and kids bringing grenades to school. Click here to download the Rosscast or click here to download and subscribe through iTunes. Enjoy!

"My Busy Weekend"

Rosscast Episode 44: Get On The Bus!

In this episode I answer Reinard's questions once again including what I would do if I banged the kings daughter and what I would do with my clone. I also talk about hanging with Julie for her birthday and the Fairfax crew and grunion hunting with Camille. Oh, and I destroy a village "Old Boy" style! Enjoy!