Years ago I
started a Facebook account and closed it down after two days because
it was not Myspace. There were people I didn't know on it and folks
that I would never talk to anyway. But back in late 2008 I joined
because it changed and folks started leaving Myspace with the
quickness. Now I am on the damn thing pretty much every single day
posting links to my different sites (Fill Your Food Hole, Long Black Fingers, Dante Rants, Dantania, The West Hollywood Life, Rockets & Chicken) and laugh at friend requests I get.
In this Five
Things I Learned From Facebook I'm going to talk about the things
that I've learned from being on the site, good and bad. Mostly bad.
But some good. If it was totally bad I sure as hell wouldn't be on
it. Or maybe I would. Some of your friends post some funny ass
pictures that are supposed to be sexy. I employed the help of Miley Cyrus for this.
1. People Are Not
As Awesome As They Seem
The way some
people write you would think they would be too damned busy running,
hiking, going to concerts, fucking, and partying to be posting how
they are doing these things. Its funny to me when you know that
someone isn't all that damned active and complain about how bored
they are but their pictures seem to show a whole other side to them.
Sometimes its like “How can you post that you are bored at 6 in the
morning when you were just partying four hours ago?!”
You have some
people that seem like they are superheroes with all the stuff they
manage to fit into their schedules when you personally know it isn't
true because when it is true there's really no time for you to post
about that shit or write entire paragraphs about how incredible you
are. Some women look like the best mother on Earth but when you check
their pictures they have their leg tossed over some random dudes
shoulder at the club or a father is tagged covered in vomit at a bar.
2. You Will Make
New Friends
I have had the
pleasure to get and meet some really awesome people through Facebook.
There have been people I have met through friends pages and have
gotten to hang out with them and its been great. Its a new world and
technology makes it so that you can meet new people and become close
friends with people even though you never get to see them and most of
your contact is through the computer. This is one of those things I
had to adapt to since technology makes me nervous. There are people
that I talk to more that I've met on Facebook than ones I've known
for over ten years.
3. You Will Lose
Friends
I have lost
perhaps three people that I considered actual friends without
actually speaking to them. Just by messaging through Facebook we have
gotten into arguments that have stopped years worth of friendship.
Texts and messaging are things I am comfortable with but, my god, do
things get lost in translation. You have to add smilies or something
to let people know that you are just joking, otherwise you've just
lost a friend.
4. People Will
Learn Your Life Through Photos
You will have
people add themselves to your page after you haven't seen them since
high school or longer. You will all of a sudden start getting “likes”
on pictures from 2007. They are going through from the very beginning
of your profile and just troll through all your pictures being weird.
They don't really want to be your friend. They want to see whether or
not you had some point in your life since they've last seen you where
you looked terrible. They also want to be all in your shit. After my
school reunion I added a bunch of people from there that I hadn't
seen in decades. I suddenly had almost double my normal number (I
keep between 35-40 on my page) but wasn't talking to any of them.
Just message me and ask what I have been up to, I will tell you what
you need to know, and then move on. There's no reason for us to be on
each others page.
5. People Will Do
Anything For Attention
How many times
have you seen a friend post “I am so done with Facebook!”, “I
don't need a man/woman in my life!”, or “I'm grown and I take
care of my kids and pay my bills!”? People become attention whores
at a level that you wouldn't think was possible. Its all to get
people asking you what is wrong and what is going on. I actually get
pissed when someone I speak to with my voice seem fine and say they
are then post about how hard life is. Its like “Are you lying to me
or the internet?”
Some people post
some super personal shit on their pages. They post personal shit
about their spouses, their former spouses, their kids, and how many
shits their dog took. Not everything needs to be out there. I know
that it seems like I post a lot of personal shit just on these blogs,
but honestly, there's a lot of stuff that folks just don't need to
know. I'm gonna troll real quick and find a friend of a friends
randomly and see what personal shit they posted. Be right back.
“I
wonder if you can hook up with women who are strippers on
ChristianMingle.”
There's
your sign.
Click here for previous Five Things I Learned.
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