No Black Friday

Black Friday. Ugh. This is something that happens hopefully only in America where stores have huge deals and everyone goes there and starts fighting each other for stuff they can buy any other time of the year for a little bit more. Whenever I hear the word Black Friday I think “Jesus, that is racist!” And then I think “Why would anyone put themselves through this?” Putting your life in danger to buy stuff just doesn't seem all that important to me. Yes, your life is in danger when you do this.

By late tomorrow night there will be a story or two...or three about someone that has been beaten, attacked, or killed while shopping. Now, I know there are people out there that hate the news because they think it glorifies things that actually aren't that big a deal. This is true. But the fact that even one of these incidences happens is one too many. Remember that lady who was fed up at Walmart and started pepper spraying folks? Or those guys that fought for fifteen minutes over some panties for their wives at Victoria's Secret? This shit happened.

Wants ALL the panties!

I don't know why people act so damned bonkers when it comes to being out of the house. Its like people who do shit while driving that they would never do out of it. It reminds me of something Louis CK said about drivers. Like, if you were in an elevator and someone cut you off meaning stepped in front of you you'd never scream in their face “Fuck you!” As soon as those doors open people just bumrush the entrance and start running each other over.

Is this how you want to spend you day?

I can think of maybe two situation where I'd personally knock another human being to the ground and physically step over their prone body. Alien attack. Zombies. That's about it. I would knock anyone to the ground screaming “Every man for himself!” and just giving the Heisman to anybody in my way. I have seen people do it to get on the bus. These people need to not exist anymore. It would be nice if a store would open, let all these lunatics inside, and just close the door for the weekend. Just lock them all inside, turn on every TV in the place, and lecture them on what it means to be a human. Yeah. When I am the person that is preaching about how to treat humanity you know shit's gotten bad.

Near my job I saw a sign saying that Carl's Jr. was going to be open today. Today is Thanksgiving. They are also going to be open on Christmas. And New Years Day. This is complete ass. I've worked during every holiday including New Year's Eve 1999 when Jesus was supposed to come down and just wreck shop. This was a porn shop. Why was it open?! I can understand when I worked in a hospital because you humans refuse to stop dying and getting sick. But those poor girls at Carl's Jr. are gonna have to deal with every lowlife miscreant hobo psycho in Korea Town with their expired coupons instead of having a day off and spending it with their family.

"Bitch, you don't need all them toys!"

“But think of the overtime!” some asshole just said. You know what? Its just money. I know that sounds ridiculous, but I hate that I have memories of watching sweaty old men asking for which cock ring to buy while I had a ham in the oven. That's not a euphemism. I was actually cooking ham.

The point of all of this and if there is anything you take from this is not to go out shopping on Black Friday. I know it sounds crazy. Staying in the comfort of your home. Relaxing. Not going out on your day off. Perhaps just shopping online. Yeah, that's a thing. This Saturday is a support small businesses day. Do that. Chances are that if you get into it with someone at a small business it'll be an old lady and they are easier to knock down than a toddler and those things never put up a fight.