Gary stood in the doorway with his arms
folded. Delvin sighed and waited for it to happen. If his penis had
arms he's sure they would be crossed as well. Gary shook his head and
closed the bathroom door. After close to ten minutes he managed to
squeeze three drops out before giving up. He shuffled into the living
room also known as Gary's room and sat on the couch...also known as
Gary's bed.
“Don't let your poisoned stick touch
my bed” Gary said while sipping coffee. Delvin checked his boxers
to insure that his penis was indeed where it should be.
“Is there any more coffee left?”
Delvin asked.
“Yeah” Gary replied. “But you're
not getting any.”
“Why not?”
“Caffeine is bad for a honked up
dick” Gary said very matter-of-factly. “And you shouldn't be
taking it with your medication.”
“Yeah...”
Gary stopped mid-sip to look at Delvin
who appeared to be sinking into the couch. Gary slowly turned to face
him and raised an eyebrow. “Tell me you got some medicine.” Gary
sat silently. “Come on, man!”
“I tried!” Delvin protested. “But
something happened.”
“Talk to me.”
“Okay, so I go to the appointment.
And that hot doctor I told you about, Basir, is there. I hoped she
wouldn't be there but she was.” Delvin's penis quivered at the
thought of Dr. Basir and he winced.
“She the Black chick?” Gary asked.
“No.”
“Mexican?”
“No.”
“White?”
“No!” Delvin shouted. “She's some
kinda Indian.”
“'Kinda Indian'?” Gary asked. “How
can she be 'kinda Indian'?”
“I don't know” Delvin sighed. “Its
not important.”
“It sorta is.”
“Why?”
“I'm a man. I'm a visual creature.
You cant tell me that she is one thing and she turns out to be
something else.” Gary took a sip of his coffee and smacked his
lips. “Let's just assume she is full Indian. Damn. Those chicks are
hot. Who does she look like?”
“Excuse me?”
“Like, what actress does she look
like?” Gary asked again. “What Indian actress does she look
like?”
“Are there any Indian actresses?”
Delvin pondered. “Wait. What's that comedienne’s name? The one
from The Office?”
“I'm sorry” Gary said. “I'm not
even listening to you anymore. Did you just say 'comedienne'?”
“Yeah. And?”
“Just say comedian. You're like those
people that pronounce actor like ack-tore.” Gary finished his
coffee and got up to get another. “And you're talking about Mindy
Kaling.”
“She looks absolutely nothing like
Mindy Kaling.”
“Too bad” Gary said sounding very
regretful. “That's the only Indian chick in my spank bank.” Gary
turned on his laptop. “Describe her.”
“What are you doing?”
“I need some kinda visual reference,
goddamn it!” Gary shouted. “As far as we know there's only one
Indian actress in the world so now I gotta look for an unknown. Is
her hair long?”
“Yes.”
“Is she dark?”
“Kinda...”
“Here we go with that word again...”
“She's like Mindy Kaling's skin tone”
Delvin said.
“Oh, come on” Gary moaned. “We
cant keep referencing her. You're gonna fuck up my spank bank. Does
she have a big ass?”
“Not particularly.”
“Too bad” Gary said. “Mindy
Kaling has a great ass. Some people think she's too big but not me.
No, not at all. You wanna know what I'd do to her?”
“No.”
“I would fuck her so hard her
ancestors would get concussions.”
“What does that even mean?!”
“It means I'm a powerful lover,
bitch” Gary said. “How about her tits?”
“What about them?” Delvin asked.
Gary stared at him. “Fine. They are good. About a C-cup.”
“Nice!”
“I know, right?” Delvin said. His
penis trembled.
Calm down...
“So she has long hair, an okay ass,
and great tits” Gary said as he clicked away at his keyboard. “Is
this her?” he asked as he spun the screen to face Delvin.
“I doubt you can find her based on
that tiny bit of infor--” Delvin stopped mid sentence. “Oh my
god...”
“Name Selka Basir” Gary began.
“She's 26 years old. Raced through medical school because, well,
you know.”
“Are you being racist?” Delvin
asked.
“No” Gary said defensively. “I'm
being presumptuous. So she's smart and very hot. And a former porn
star.”
“What?!”
“Look” Gary said while typing in
more information. “She performed under the name Bang Ladesha.
Started when she was 18 and retired at 19 after doing between 150 and
200 films. You lucky asshole.” Gary closed the laptop and sat back
down next to Delvin. “So. What happened?”
“I fainted.”
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