Thursday, November 19, 2015

Dante Bitches About People Magazine Sexiest Man Alive 2015


People Magazine has released their Sexiest Man Alive nonsense and of course I'm not happy with it. 40 year old David Beckham won which is bullshit because his first name is not Ryan and his last name is not Gosling. He pulled the humble shit that people that win this type of award tend to when he was told that he had received this. “It's a huge honor. And I'm very pleased to accept.” As if he would say “Nah. I'm good.”

“I never feel that I'm an attractive, sexy person. I mean I like to wear nice clothes and nice suits and look and feel good, but I don't ever think of myself that way.” Shut up your lying liar that lies! To me Beckham is a guy that played soccer, or professional kickball to the rest of the world, and then married a Spice Girl. Not even the hottest one either. Its Scary Spice in case you're wondering. Fuck, that woman is hot. Anyhoot, I used to see his mug on all the British tabloids when I worked at the porn shop and thought “Fuck this guy. He's throwing off the curve.” Then I heard him talk and felt better.

Number two on this list is Justin Timberlake for...reasons. I'm not quite sure. Maybe because he had a kid or has a new album coming out. I have no idea. Either way he's here. Also, there is some country singer named Chris Stapleton


Who? Why? I have never heard of this guy and when I saw his picture I started cracking up laughing. I'm sure there are some women out there that look at this guy and swoon. They're called women that would never date me without pissing off everyone they know and being disowned by their family. 


Nick Jonas is in tenth place while Idris Elba is in fourth. Idris needs to be in the top three in any list even Sexiest Woman Alive. This can can act his ass off, makes women want to betray their races, and even escaped the evil clutches of K. Michelle. Don't know who she is? Don't worry about it. Some chick with a huge, fake ass that he apparently messed around with. And for everyone wanting Idris to be James Bond, stop. He doesn't want that shit. He's too busy stealing your girl.

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