Kids These Days 54

This is one of those stories where you'll either say “That poor kid” or “Good for his mama!” Me, I say “It should have happened for real!” because I don't have kids and tend to be extreme in my thoughts. Blame it on my social Asperger's or the touch of autism. Either way this kid had his mother Chiquita Hill of Columbus, Georgia scare the shit out of him because he was acting up. She was afraid that his bad behavior would continue and lead to him being in trouble with the law or killed in the future.

She said for weeks that her 10 year old son was being a problem in school and acting up. She said that talking to him about it wasn't working so she took another approach. “He's going through the phase right now, it's just in one ear out the other.” Employing the Scared Straight method she had police come to check his bad ass. “I'm scared for when they get older, how bad is it going to be?” She talked to the police about the simulation and they came, talked to him about his behavior, and tossed his ass in the back of a cop car for five minutes. Proud to say I am 36 and have never been in a police car. Handcuffed for suspected bank robbery, yeah, but never placed in the police car.

The Best Woman/Worst Mother Alive

I am so happy that people I love send me stories like this. Dashuh sent this story about the best mother on the planet Earth...if she isn't your mother. 35 year old Rachel Lynn Lehnardt of Evans, Georgia was arrested for a lot of reasons. I'll get to them in a minute. A few weeks ago Rachel, I'm gonna call her that from this point on because I like to believe we'd be great friends, threw a party at her home for her teenage daughter. There was naked Twister, pot smoking (not the pot!), drinking, and the evening ended with Rachel having sex with a 16 year old guy. Jesus. My hands hurt from all the imaginary high five's I'm doing!

Rachel probably would've kept this all under wrap for a little bit longer but she decided to tell her Alcoholics Anonymous sponsor what she did. Why? I don't know. Maybe she felt guilty. I'm sure the boy didn't. I am speaking as a man with an alleged penis and if I was 16 and some 35 year old lady tried to put it on me I would make no attempt to stop her. Her sponsor called the cops after meeting with Rachel because he was jealous he wasn't invited and she has now lost custody of her 4, 6, 8, 10, and 16 year old children. Fucking hell. No wonder she is divorced. Too many goddamn kids.

During this party she also showed pictures of herself having sex with her boyfriend. That would have been the low point of the party for me. I don't wanna see that shit. She ended up having the sex with an 18 year old that was at the party and after falling asleep she was woken up around 3:30am having sex and thought it was the 18 year old. It wasn't. It was a 16 year old kid...that was her daughter's boyfriend.

This Nasty Sumbitch

My cousin tagged me in a post about this story. Not sure if that makes me a bad person or her. Either way, no matter what I do for the rest of my life I'll never be as bad as Georgia resident 26 year old Domonique Smith. At first he was arrested for stealing a bike because, well, some people miss the 1980's. Then a burglary was reported in Monday morning and they found out that Smith had been riding things other than a stolen bike. He had banged a body in a funeral home. The name of the dead woman that he had sex with has not been released but the family was notified. Know what? I wouldn't want to know. I don't need that phone call from the police. 

There is video evidence that shows that Smith was there between 7pm and 7am. The funeral home, Hill Watson Peoples Funeral Service, doesn't want to talk about this for reasons. What is also bad is that this kind of thing is extremely rare in Muscogee County. Not impossible or unheard of. But extremely rare. The funeral director, Cedric Hill, did say “We hold our families dear. We look for the best protection and security for the families we have served in this community for 65 years.” Turns out Smith was holding someone dear as well. He is being held on $20,000 bond and if he is convicted he can get one to 10 years in prison. 

Tig Ol' Bitties Massage

I was trolling the internet like I do and found this story about this chick named Kristy Love in Georgia that gives massages uses her big ass breasts. She's 34 and has boobs that are 48NN. That is not a typo. I didn't even know that was an actual size. At a certain point it should just become a symbol. Like “My breasts are size Exclamation Point.” I think if I were a chick and my boobs got that big that I would have to do something about it. Like exactly what she is doing. Fuck surgery to get them smaller.

“THE premiere CMT (certified massage therapist) BBW (big beautiful woman) body rub specialist taking Atlanta AND the world to an all new level of BBW adult entertainment.”

Her clients can get normal massages but seriously who the fuck is going there for that? You want a normal one you go to the places that speak perfect English and don't even give you a happy ending. Love also does sensual massages which means that all she does is sensual massages. She also has a special called “happy man works” where she just uses her breasts to give a massage. I have never had a professional massage but I assume that hands and elbows do a better job than having huge titties rubbed all over you.