Fake Booty Doctor Sentenced

Holy shit. There are some people I look at and it startles me. Oneal Ron Morris startles the fuck out of me. I wasn't sure if this was a woman dressed like a dude or a dude trying to dress badly as a woman. Turns out she is transitioning to a man. So let us pretend that I am PC and just refer to Oneal as he for the rest of this post. Oneal is in trouble for giving people bootleg ass injections and killing one of them. I am pretty sure I talked about this person on a podcast or something because, honestly, who could forget a face like that? Back in 2011 Oneal injected a woman name Shatarka Nuby with Fix-a-Flat, mineral oil, cement, and bathroom caulking to have a larger ass and hips. Nuby wrote a letter from prison to the court (don't ask) but ended up dying as a result of this “surgery.” There aren't quotation marks large enough for this shit.

Oneal was charged with manslaughter back in 2012 and just a month ago pleaded no contest to charges. Oneal was given 10 years in prison and five years probation which doesn't seem all that bad for murder death killing someone by sticking Home Depot products into their body. Oneal used the products on himself as well. Herself. Shit. I may have it backwards and he is transitioning into a woman. I don't fucking know. Either way, the results speak for themselves. I mean...look. That looks 100% natural to me. 

Dante's Double Standard Corner 1

Hello. This is my first and possibly last installment of what I am calling Dante's Double Standard Corner. Every logical human should know that there are double standards in the world and in some cases choose to disregard the fact that some work in your favor depending on your race, sex, or country of origin. Black dudes are said to have big dicks. Women get into clubs free on certain nights and get free drinks because...women. And you never headbutt a Samoan because they feel no pain there. Source: wrestling. You still with me? Good. Or not depending on how far you make it. In this post I am going to talk about a teacher that slept with a student. I have written dozens o posts about this and depending on how hot the teacher is I'll express varying ranges of jealousy, envy, or desire to time travel.

This story involves 27 year old (meaning too young to be a high school teacher because she was, like, just there) Sarah Fowlkes. As you can see, she is cute. Not cute as fuck which is a term I've been overusing lately, but cute. She taught biology at Lockhart High in Texas since 2014. Reports say she is facing 20 years of convicted which made me laugh so hard I fainted, bumped my head, and forgot what love was. She turned herself in and took that chipper ass mugshot. Oh, and she was arrested just after her birthday. So...yeah. I hate when bad things happen on special days so every year she is gonna look forward to this personal disappointment.

Sextortion

That is a totally new word now. Another day another teacher sleeping with a student. Now, in most of these cases its a female teacher with some kid that is living most young boys dreams. This time I actually feel kinda bad for the teacher. I know that is a silly thought but hear me out. This all took place in Texas at Raul Quintanilla Sr. Middle School where Thao “Sandy” Doan was the PE teacher. 

Of course she was the PE teacher. There is something about PE teachers and things just being off about them. You just kinda wait until they do something terrible. I know someone reading this is a PE teacher and getting mad...and sweating because they know I am not lying. You can admit it. You strange. Anyhoot, she and a 14 year old boy have been messing around for the past year and a half. She talked to him online and eventually had sex in a park in 2015. Ew. They then had sex a few more times late last year. 

I guess shit went sour at some point because the boy, who is now 15, started extorting Doan for money texting her things like “watch ima start getting the pics and everything ready...to show the cops right I anit playing.” Thank god she wasn't his spelling teacher because goddamn that grammar. Turns out he had gotten about $28,000 from her! She was arrested last week and posted bond and of course is on administrative leave. Every time I see some honked up story I wanna know how these kinda kids are made. Like, what super secret recipe of bullshit is required for a child to turn into this.

Kids These Days 69

Sometimes there are stories that I find out about and it just makes me want to interview the perpetrator or the parents of them and just ask “How come? What can I do to make sure none of my friends kids turn out like you?” I also think there are some crimes where instead of jail I suggest an island where they are given backpacks with various weapons and they fight for survival. A “battle royale” if you will. Either way, this 17 year old girl Lestina Marie Smith is a great candidate for my island idea. She is charged with raping a man. You hear that? It was the sound of thousands of men and women rolling their eyes. Yes, it makes a sound.

So Lestina—by the way. Watch what the hell you name your kids. Anyhoot, Lestina, from Michigan, raped a guy 19 year old guy at knife point. At knife point she made him give her oral sex and regular sex. She has been charged with two first degree felony criminal sexual assault charges. If she is convicted, which she should be, she can get life in prison. Even if she gets off on one charge she can still do life. Of course ignorant ass people are questioning whether or not a man can be raped. Let me just grab some random comments from people on Facebook and the dumb shit they are saying.

Landlord Gets Schwifty In Tenants Apartment

This Colorado landlord named Carlos Quijada just may be one of the nastiest ass people to ever nasty. He is being charged with criminal trespassing and misdemeanor obscenity after he was recorded having sex in one of his tenants places. The couple that lives there, Logan Pierce and Mikaela DiGiulio, were obviously not there at the time that he decided to use their bed as his filthy fuck pallet. The couple has a security system set up from a company called Nest that had the motion sensor triggered and notified Logan by phone. When he later checked the camera feeds he was treated to some straight up gay porn in the form of Carlos and another man having oral and butt sex in the span of six minutes. But it gets worse. I have no problem with gay sex. Do who ya like (insert Humpty Hump horns) but please not on someone elses bed. That shit is just foul. But it gets worse.

Carlos man-friend grabbed a dress from the laundry pile to wipe his dick clean while Carlos grabbed another item of clothing to clean up the lube stain left on the bed. Such class. Much consideration. Oh, by the way, the dress used to clean up was worn by the wife in their wedding ceremony earlier this year. There is not enough Clorox in the world to get that bed clean! I would have to contact a goddamn witch doctor to sleep comfortably in that place ever again. Having the sex in a tenants bed is terrible. But cleaning yourself off on their clothes? Come on, now. Just...no. 

Newest Hot Teacher Alexandria Vera Arrested

Q. sent me this story. There is yet another hot teacher that has slept with a student. This post is written by Evil Dante. For those of you that don't know, Evil Dante will say things that regular boring ass Dante won't say...out loud. This is 24 year old Texas middle school teacher Alexandria Vera. Yes, 24 years old and teaching. I still say that you shouldn't be allowed to have children or teach before the age of 30. I mean, for society it makes sense but for a young boy having a 24 year old teacher would be the shit.

Anyhoot, she and the Boy Who Lived, The Man, Luckiest Guy Ever, My Hero, Baller, Lil Pimp, Lil Baller, The One, Goodyear Pimp, Fred Pimpstone, Ren & Pimpy, King of the Teachers, After School Special, Teachers Petter, Legend, Supercalifragiclicioushebesuchadopekid, The Chosen One, King of Everything, The Revenant, Three's Humpany, Diary of a Pimpy Kid, and He Who Has Sex With Teachers started their relationship at the start of the school year in 2015 and by January she was pregnant. That's right. Pregnant! She got an abortion after an investigation began but it was too little too late since folks were already in the know. I still applaud her decision. If she did anything right in her life it was that.

The boy is now 14 but that still doesn't make any of what they did legal. The boy flirted with her and asked for her number on Instagram. By the way, I should note that she is 24 with a 5 year old daughter. Yeah...there's that. She was an English teacher at Stovall Middle School in Houston (which I have written about because a teacher stripped for a student in class before!) before being arrested and posting $100,000 bail. Vera says that the boy missed school one day and she got worried so she sent him a message online and he got the digits from her. She went to his place, he got in her car, and they started smooching. Later that month, September, they had sex for the first time. Vera also told police that they had sex almost daily at her house and that they love each other. He'd stay at her place overnight and take him home in the morning so he could catch the school bus. Give me a moment.

The Latest Hot Mugshot

There is yet another new hot mugshot going around. This is 24 year old Arkansas resident Sarah Seawright that has been arrested for a variety of things. She was arrested last month for failure to appear in court for driving carelessly and without insurance back in 2014. People, including her now, have been using #prisonbae and #jailhousebae online to describe her. 

This is not a new thing. There was that green eyed guy that women went nuts over (click here for that) and this hot chick after him (click here for that). As for Seawright she was arrested back in 2012 for kidnapping, first degree battery, hindering prosecution, tampering with physical evidence, and aggravated robbery. She and another guy, LeDarius Laron Scales, that she had hiding in the car robbed someone.

That all being said...she is cute as fuck. I wouldn't mess with her not just because of her past criminal history or because this chick would have zero interest with me. But because she looks like too much work. That is generally my view of chicks that are cute as fuck. I imagine never seeing them without makeup on or something. I'm being a silly person. I have had one girlfriend that was cute as fuck and saw her without makeup but it took a while to get there. And she did look like a different person. And this chick is in her 20's which is a realm that I don't dwell in. In closing, yeah. Cute as fuck. The guy version of girls bad boy. Men will be lining up to get her pregnant.  

Cute Teacher Sexy Time

This 24 year old teacher was arrested for sleeping with a 17 year old student. Her name is Courtney Stewart of Richmond, Virginia and she continues to prove what I say when I say that 24 is too damned young to be teaching. They have not released information about whether the boy was a student of hers or not. Either way 17 year old me is raging with jealousy. 

She was arraigned on March 11th after spending the night in jail. Courtney has a masters in Special Education and Disability Policy which leads me to believe that this was not one of her students. I'm just saying.

She has been teaching since 2013 involving Earth science and biology. She has been suspended without pay after starting teaching at this particular school just last year. The first sexual encounter happened in either late November to December and the second time was last month. 

The school said “While privacy laws prevent us from sharing specific details, we want to reassure our families that Richmond Public Schools takes these allegations very seriously. Incidents of this nature are a direct violation of our district policies and appropriate action will be taken upon a thorough investigation. We appreciate the strong partnership with the Richmond Police Department as we continue to make every effort to ensure the safety and well-being of our students.” Yuh-huh. Sure ya are.

Tale Of A Thirsty Counselor

When I first saw this story I could not believe how thirsty this teacher was. In most stories I write about with a teacher getting buck wild with a student my 16 year old self gets incredibly jealous at the fact that so much action was going down in school while I stood around staring at the walls wondering why I wasn't getting some stank on my hang low. This is not one of those stories of jealousy. This is about 40 year old college prep counselor/swim coach Emily Fenney and her getting fired for chasing after a 16 year old high school student who didn't want anything to do with her.

Police started investigating Feeney about three months ago after they were told about the fact that she was participating in some thirst based texts to a 16 year old. Fenney is a Harvard graduate that told this kid that she had connections and could help him get onto the swim team at Harvard if he would just give up the goods. She started sending him pictures of her that I'm sure she thought were sexy and even a topless one. Ladies, here's a pro tip for you: if you send a straight male of any age a topless picture and he doesn't respond immediately do not continue pursuit. Hell, if a woman sends me a picture of her calf I'm ready to put a well sized hole in my screen.

I Went To The Wrong Schools

(editors note: once again Evil Dante will be writing this particular post and none of the opinions expressed by Evil Dante represent the view of no sex having, cell phone shunning, long fingered weirdo Dante)

I'm sick of this shit! When I was a kid teachers were in their early 50's and only started teaching to save money for their cat fund. They had names like Mrs. Webb with her melted fingertips. Miss Leonard with her crooked wig. They sure as fuck weren't 24 years old and just old enough to teach you how to do make up, take a decent selfie, or get away with not having a personality. This is former New Jersey Catholic high school teacher Fatima Grupico. Say her name three times and you'll get a boner!

She taught history at Cardinal McCarrick High School and was arrested and charged with sexual assault and endangering the welfare of a child after it was discovered that she was boning a 17 year old student. They had sex when the school was closed due to low enrollment. There is no explanation how she was caught. I always assume that either the boy talked, they sent a shit ton of texts, or a nosy ass parent found out. Either way you can't blame any 17 year old boy from aiming for the fences.

My Worst Nightmare

This is 29 year old Delia Priem and she is my worse nightmare. She was arrested in Largo, Florida after attacking her boyfriend. Why? Because she was secretly taping him watching porn even though he made a promise to because sometimes we have to do that as guys to make women feel better. Its stupid. We need to stop that. She woke her dude up by slapping him in the face at 2:40am which is just rude. Then she started throwing stuff at him but missed. 

She was arrested on a misdemeanor battery charge and was released on her own recognizance because woman. This isn't her first dance with the devil. In April she was arrested for drunk driving. Chicks need to stop asking their men to not watch porn unless they aren't banging them because of the porn. And if that is the case they need to have a talk because not many guys will choose to watch a video than have the actual sex unless there are some funk issues, she is bad in bed (yes, that is an actual thing!), or he is just lazy as hell. Maybe she didn't like the particular pornos he was watching. Like, sometimes a guy will be dating a skinny White chick but be all about them BBW Ebony videos. She can't compete with that! 

Stupid Flakka User & Horse Bangery

Some people just need to be pulled aside and spoken to by Jesus or someone that is concerned about their mental well-being. This 19 year old chick from Florida, of course, named Daneshia Heller was arrested after making a call to cops. I know that sounds crazy but give me a moment. She called police because she wanted to buy some weed and gave a dealer $5 and he never came back with the drugs. When police showed up they found a bag of white substance on her. Turns out she had some flakka on her which is a crazy ass new drug that I've written about before. She was charged with misusing 911 and drug possession. 

She had been arrested in the past for violating the terms of a bond for a battery charge in the past. When I went looking for an image of her I saw about three different images of her. That is never a good sign. At the moment she is still looked up with no bond. You'd have to already be high to call cops because when you are calling them because you made an illegal drug transaction and got ripped off you just have to take that loss and hope for better luck next time. And why have an even more dangerous drug on you when waiting for the cops?! Its like drinking beer in the drivers seat while reporting that you were involved in a hit and run.

Only In Florida 14

Its time to bring this back. I've been doing more Florida based stories but not having them in this segment and that's just silly. This 46 year old mother (and its a hard 46) named Rachel Salters was arrested for attacking her 12 year old son with a bag of potatoes. Yeah. That is a thing that happened. It started when he asked her to make him some dinner and ended with an attack. No reports say what was said that happened in between those two actions which I think is important to know. When Rachel started hitting the kid, let's call him Spud, with the bag he ran into the bathroom and locked the door. 

Well, that wasn't stopping Rachel who Kool Aid Man'd her way through the locked door and continued hitting him with the bag. When the bag broke because shit is cheaply made nowadays, she started throwing individual potatoes at him as he hid between the toilet and bathtub. When police arrived and asked her about the bathroom door she said “I don't know.” Then after she was arrested she said “I didn't hit him with the potato, I only threw it at him!” That feeling you just had? That's called confusion. She also stated that it isn't a crime that she hit him because she only threw the potatoes at him. Spud was not hurt and Rachel was charged with felony child abuse and tampering with evidence for moving potatoes after cops told her not to. 

Salad Tossing For Freedom

This 52 year old lady from Louisiana was arrested for first being violent then being nasty. Well, its nasty because we know what she did but if this happened in her bedroom she'd be a champion. Diane Thomas was arrested after she beat up her boyfriend. By the way, if you're that age and have a “boyfriend” you both better have an agreement that marriage is garbage or just accept the fact that you two are roommates. When the cops showed up and the boyfriend had scratches all over him she told cops that her man was a bitch that he got in her face so she “beat his ass.” She also told cops that she couldn't go to jail because she “has a good job.” Then she took things to Freaky Town.

As she was handcuffed she told the officer “If you won't take me to jail I will get on my knees right now. Officer I will even lick your butt hole.” Now...this is why I'm not a cop. Why? Because I would have taken her up on her offer. I know I'm terrible! She was charged with misdemeanor domestic abuse and then felony bribery. She made the $5,000 bond and is back on the streets with the world knowing she is willing to toss salad to not go to jail.  

Dumb Teacher Does Dumb Thing

This goes along with me saying that the people that hurt the passage of marijuana laws in this country are the ones that enjoy it the most. A high school teacher in Louisiana, 29 year old Camille Brennan, was arrested on two counts of narcotics distribution and two counts of delinquency of a minor after she gave some pot brownies to two of her female students. She works(ed) at Archbishop Hannan High School. Police and the school principal learned about this after one of the girls told them that night. 

Brennan admitted to doing this and resigned from her job. The principal Father Charles Latour wrote a letter to parents saying “The care and safety of your sons and daughters is a priority I hold sacred.” I wonder what made her think that this was a good idea, serving weed to her students. Either way her dumb ass now has a police record and her career ruined. Her lawyer said “At this time, my client has simply requested that we fully cooperate with our judicial system in every capacity.” I've never understand why people do things like this. To be cool? To try and relate to the youth? I couldn't imagine losing my job and going to jail over doing something this damned silly.

The World's Grossest Roommate

This 56 year old nasty ass old lady named Sarah Schrock of Mechanicsville, Maryland is being charged with felony contaminating and second-degree assault. Why? Because she's gross! When her roommate was drinking a glass of milk she started choking on something that was in it. She and someone else coughed it up and it appeared to be human fucking skin. Ew! They strained it and it was a bunch of skin shavings inside. The roommate told cops that Sarah kept her foot shavings in a tray. My god! How is this your roommate?! 

This skin drinking shit happened days after she placed a protective order against Sarah who was arrested a few days later for violating it. Sgt. Cara Grumbles said that she did not know whether or not this had anything to do with Sarah putting her goddamn foot skin in her roommate's milk. Really? You don't? If I found out that I had a roommate that saved any part of their body one of us is leaving. And if I found out that someone was leaving pieces of their nasty ass feet in anything I even touched they would be the ones calling police. There used to be a guy that lived in my building that offed himself. Apparently he saved years worth of toilet paper rolls and his long greasy hair in the shower. When someone saves body parts it is a sign of fucked up-ness. If you are reading this and you think its fine to save parts of yourself...stop.

Mama Likes Her Drank

One mother had quite the Mother's Day last weekend. Hayley Dawn Hampton, 28 of Oklahoma, was arrested after being accused of child neglect. By the way, the names Hayley and Dawn are trouble names for girls. Police were contacted after someone saw her 4 year old sitting in the back seat of her car while she was inside having drinks at Lumpy's Sports Bar. When police talked to her she said that she went into Lumpy's to get her boyfriend but then her friends were all like “Its Mother's Day! Let's get turnt up!” so she had a drink. 

Hayley says that her boyfriend went outside to watch her kid and a bartender says that she didn't notice when he came back fifteen minutes later to keep the party going. He also says that she was in there for an hour and had a beer and a shot. Sounds like the perfect recipe for driving your kid around, huh? She was arrested for child neglect, the boyfriend was not, and the kid is now with a family member. I can't stand someone that drinks and drives. I can't stand someone that adds a kid into the mix. I'm sure her goofy ass will be out and do it again within a year. If you haven't learned your lesson by the age of 28 chances are you'll do some dumb shit again.

The Best Woman/Worst Mother Alive

I am so happy that people I love send me stories like this. Dashuh sent this story about the best mother on the planet Earth...if she isn't your mother. 35 year old Rachel Lynn Lehnardt of Evans, Georgia was arrested for a lot of reasons. I'll get to them in a minute. A few weeks ago Rachel, I'm gonna call her that from this point on because I like to believe we'd be great friends, threw a party at her home for her teenage daughter. There was naked Twister, pot smoking (not the pot!), drinking, and the evening ended with Rachel having sex with a 16 year old guy. Jesus. My hands hurt from all the imaginary high five's I'm doing!

Rachel probably would've kept this all under wrap for a little bit longer but she decided to tell her Alcoholics Anonymous sponsor what she did. Why? I don't know. Maybe she felt guilty. I'm sure the boy didn't. I am speaking as a man with an alleged penis and if I was 16 and some 35 year old lady tried to put it on me I would make no attempt to stop her. Her sponsor called the cops after meeting with Rachel because he was jealous he wasn't invited and she has now lost custody of her 4, 6, 8, 10, and 16 year old children. Fucking hell. No wonder she is divorced. Too many goddamn kids.

During this party she also showed pictures of herself having sex with her boyfriend. That would have been the low point of the party for me. I don't wanna see that shit. She ended up having the sex with an 18 year old that was at the party and after falling asleep she was woken up around 3:30am having sex and thought it was the 18 year old. It wasn't. It was a 16 year old kid...that was her daughter's boyfriend.

Flakka Strikes Again

A guy in Melbourne, Florida was arrested after taking a drug, it is being said it was that flakka stuff I wrote about last week, and having sex with a tree and fighting a cop. 41 year old Kenneth Crowder was seen running through a neighborhood screaming that he was God and having sex with nature. 

When police came and found him he had clothes on. The cop says Crowder approached him acting all kinds of crazy so he zapped his ass twice with a Taser. It did nothing because, well, Florida. 

Crowder yanked the barbs from the Taser out and punched the cop and tried to stab him with his own badge. When the cop punched him he called himself Thor. Crowder was charged with battery on a law enforcement officer but get this...he was released after posting bond. The officer is doing okay and we now have another case of this crazy ass drug making people do crazy ass things. How much does it cost to get out of jail for having tree sex and stabbing a cop? They don't say how much but judging from this guys mugshot I can't imagine it had to be all that much. 

So Apparently Flakka Is A Thing

Though I don't do the drugs I love hearing about the strange, new things that people are willing to inject, snort, or smoke to get high. A guy in Florida, 34 year old Matthew Kenney, was arrested after police found him naked and running from invisible people intent on murdering him. He had smoked a drug called flakka which I have never heard of. I remember when salvia was a thing. Then it was bath salts. Then krokodil. Now its this.

While running in traffic wearing nothing but a pair of shoes, he was caught by police and told them that he would “rather die than be caught by these unknown people” meaning the invisible people. By the way, this is actually how we would respond to people from the bible if they lived today. If someone told you a burning bush talked to them you would cross the street. Kenney also said that if he was hit by a car he would stop being chased. Technically that's true. He's been arrested a few times, three, since December. I did see a few mugshots for him when I looked for an image for this post. He's on a psych hold until they figure all this nonsense out which means he is probably already free as of the writing of this. Come on. He's been arrested three times in the last few months.