No Time To Explain: Burger King Window Smashing

There is this weird thing called “common sense” which isn't as common as it should be considering its name. A bunch of employees who should be reevaluating their schooling got a prank call saying that pressure was building up inside of their Burger King location and the only way to relieve this pressure was to smash out all the windows. So they did it. This took place in Coon Rapids, Minneapolis. Yes, that is a real name of a place. Hate to know the history of how that place got its name.

Anyhoot, someone claimed to be with the fire department and told them that the building would blow up if they didn't release the pressure building inside. The store manager and employees rushed out and started going Hulk Smash on the place. I'd like to think at least one employee stopped and thought “Hey, what if we just leave the doors open?” Fuck that, right?! No time to explain! Start kicking windows open now!

Texting Girl Kills Great-Grandmother

20 year old Abby E. Sletten of North Dakota was charged with negligent homicide after rear ending a vehicle while going 85mph (that's 136km for the rest of the world). Now, of course I don't write about regular ass car wrecks because those happen all the time. I'm writing about this one because this girl was on her Facebook and texting while driving and I am so sick of people doing this shit all the time. The reason she is being charged with homicide is because the SUV that she hit had a family inside and she killed a 89 year old great-grandmother named Phyllis Gordon of Minnesota. Police said after searching Sletten's phone they “determined that [she] was viewing pictures on her Facebook application at the time of the crash” and “Sletten had also sent and received several text messages since she departed from Fargo.” The patrol made the determination that the car was going between 84 and 86mph “suggested the possibility that Sletten may have not seen the vehicle in front of her or that she was possibly distracted while driving.”

Gordon, the great-grandmother was a passenger in a car that also had her granddaughter, 34 year old Jennifer L. Myers driving, and Myers' daughter. They survived the accident with injuries. I must also note that the SUV they were in was making a slow U-turn when Sletten hit them. CPR was tried on Gordon but was unsuccessful. Sletten has no memory of the accident. Gordon leaves behind her husband who she farmed with, three children, eight grandchildren, and 17 great-grandchildren. Is there gonna come a point where people get hard time for texting while driving? I know most people do it and they get to home, work, or shopping just fine doing it multiple times. But all it takes is that one time to ruin someone elses family and life because you were being irresponsible. Fuck tickets. Licenses need to be taken away forever. I'm about to head out and I guarantee that I will see a minimum of twenty people doing this. It's just not worth it, people.  

Too Many DUI's

A 28 year old chick in Minnesota was arrested for drunk driving around 2am last Saturday night. Cops saw her swerving all over the road and pulled Cathy Sanchez over and noticed that she smelled like booze, was slurring her words, and her eyes were bloodshot. She failed sobriety tests and had a blood alcohol level of .136. When they searched her not only did she give them a fake name but the found three Jell-O shots on her because the party don't stop till the panties drop. She is locked up on $20,000 bond which sounds pretty harsh until you realize how silly this person is. She has been busted five other times for DWI's and a concealed weapons conviction. She also had a suspended license but was still driving around drunk. She has four charges that carry seven years each if she is convicted which she should be.

I know that there are people reading this and thinking “Oh, I've driven a car drunk plenty of times and I'm fine!” or “I've driven after drinking and not hurt anyone!” Is that something you are really proud of? That you got into a 2000 pound machine that has the ability to travel over 100mph and managed to not kill yourself or someone else? Good for you, you fucking maniac. This girl shouldn't have been on the road legally and just as a human being. I wonder if she had any friends that knew about her history with alcohol and just let her keep on keeping on. And for the record, I've had Jell-O shots and they were nothing special. I'd rather drink like an adult which includes not potentially causing anything but the death of brain cells. In her state a survey was taken showing that 46,000 of the people arrested for DUI's were arrested at least four other times for it.