Robot Catches People Having Sex

There was this story I saw about a prostitute named Amanda Zolicoffer who is 27 going on 53. She was caught by a camera drone fucking this older man in Oklahoma to which I say if you live in Oklahoma and are not getting some street strange that's on you. You're not living your life to its fullest potential. The old guy is 76 year old Douglas Blansett. My spell check hates both of these folks names. So Douglas was getting it in at the age of 76 with this...woman, and a goddamn robot filmed it, police got it, then the next thing you know both of them are in trouble and charged with public lewdness. Its bullshit.

Mama Likes Her Drank

One mother had quite the Mother's Day last weekend. Hayley Dawn Hampton, 28 of Oklahoma, was arrested after being accused of child neglect. By the way, the names Hayley and Dawn are trouble names for girls. Police were contacted after someone saw her 4 year old sitting in the back seat of her car while she was inside having drinks at Lumpy's Sports Bar. When police talked to her she said that she went into Lumpy's to get her boyfriend but then her friends were all like “Its Mother's Day! Let's get turnt up!” so she had a drink. 

Hayley says that her boyfriend went outside to watch her kid and a bartender says that she didn't notice when he came back fifteen minutes later to keep the party going. He also says that she was in there for an hour and had a beer and a shot. Sounds like the perfect recipe for driving your kid around, huh? She was arrested for child neglect, the boyfriend was not, and the kid is now with a family member. I can't stand someone that drinks and drives. I can't stand someone that adds a kid into the mix. I'm sure her goofy ass will be out and do it again within a year. If you haven't learned your lesson by the age of 28 chances are you'll do some dumb shit again.

Don't Matter Just Don't Bite It

Quinno sent me this damned story earlier and all I said was “Nope.” A guy in Oklahoma almost lost his penis after his girlfriend, 31 year old Amber Ellis, tried to bite the damned thing off. This is another one of those stories that proves that women don't fight fair and take things to an 11 when a 4 is appropriate. After spending a night getting their drank on they ended up in an argument. By the way: if I am drinking and get into an argument I don't drink with that person ever again. 

While he was sleeping on the couch because that is where guys go after fights with women they wanna fuck later he woke up to having his dick treated like a chew toy. Somehow in this process she also hit him in the head with a laptop. Don't look at me. I don't know either. The reason they fought? He accused her of being too needy. He went to the hospital and got multiple stitches to fix his junk as well as being treated for injuries to his head (both of 'em), neck, face, and knee. That girl went bananas on his ass! Ellis was booked on charges of maiming as well as assault with a deadly weapon. Do they mean the laptop or her teeth? She is being held on $45,000 on each count which doing my LAUSD math means...millions.  

Teachers Still Wildin' Out

Teachers these days are getting it in! And by it I mean students penises. I got two stories. The first involves a 28 year old teacher named Jennifer Caswell who is being charged with a lot of things including second degree rape of a 15 year old student. Police caught the former English teacher in a hotel room with the student. She quit her job back in April when these allegations first happened. There wasn't hard evidence against Jennifer at first until her goofy ass was busted in the hotel room. This picture that I am showing is the one that has been floating around the most but I found her mugshot and she looks way different. I'll get to that in a moment. I think we are getting to a point where teachers are going to be replaced with robots shaped like squares so that they can't be sexualised in any sense.

“Things that raised kind of an eyebrow. People seeing a teacher alone with a child may or may not be anything. It could just be innocent contact. The child said nothing's going on, she's just a nice teacher” Harmon County Assistant District Attorney Eric Yarborough said. Fast forward to Jennifer and her student being caught in a Best Western. The found out that they had been having lots of sex including twice at school.

Want Some?

Normally when I write about teachers its because they just can't keep from banging their students. This time a teacher in Oklahoma made a preemptive strike against sex by showing up in school drunk off her ass and wearing no pants. Lorie Ann Hill showed up for class (no students at the time) wearing just her shirt and some draws. Police were called around 9am to find her now wearing shorts. After searching her car they found a cup that smelled like vodka. They say there wasn't enough evidence to prove that she drove drunk to the school because apparently overnight we shifted to cartoon world where when a teacher shows up for school drunk, pantless, and has a cup that smells of booze that means that there is not enough evidence. “She was found in a room kind of disoriented” said Police Chief Bob Haley. “By the time we got there she was in a room and wearing shorts.” Thank god for small favors. She was arrested on suspicion of public intoxication. When did totally fucking obvious become suspicion? I swear it seems like every time I go to sleep and wake up the world gets a little bit more stutarded. Not enough for me to cash out but enough to make me stop and cock my head to the side and squint.

Teachers Gone Wild

Female teachers have lost all their shits. In Oklahoma Kalyn Thompson, 25, who was teaching at Kellyville High School resigned after she found out that an investigation was being launched when it was discovered that she was sleeping with a 18 year old student. The age of consent in Oklahoma is 16 but when it is between teachers and students they must wait until the student is 21 before they can bone. That goes for current or former which makes me wonder how many 21 year old folks are still in high school. She also changed his grades after they started sleeping together. She admitted to school officials that that they talked about sex, sent texts that were inappropriate. She was charged with second degree rape and was bailed out on $35,000 bond. Parents and teachers are shocked that this happened. Surely some teachers are upset that she picked this student over them. By the way, any teachers reading this: stop fucking the staff. We can speculate if a teacher is sleeping with a student but we know when you are having sex with each other.

In another story former substitute teacher Tanikka Queen of Las Vegas who is 22 was outed by another student for sleeping with a 15 year old 8th grader. Wait. 15 in the 8th grade? I was 13 in the 8th grade. Huh. A female student whose mother was friends with Queen found texts on her phone talking about the affair. The boys father saw a hickey on his sons neck and was suspicious instead of proud like he should've been! At first she said she didn't sleep with the boy and that she was helping him since he was repeating the 8th grade for the third time. Wow. That explains that. School district police ended up finding 2,400 text messages, 38 pictures, and 108 calls between the two that started around Valentine's Day. “Remember no matter how I act at school I still love you with all my heart” she said in one text. She admitted to cops that she was sending too much time with the boy and slept with him while she was house sitting for a friend. Her bail was reduced to $50,000 and a judge placed her on house arrest and that she couldnot contact anyone under the age of 18 and that she could not use the internet. “Awwww you're making me blush. Why do you have to be young? Lol I wanna tell the world. When you turn 16?” Oh, Queen. Stop it.