Dante Saves You: Specific Zombie Edition

A while back I wrote a Dante Saves You: Zombie Edition and in it I was being way too general in terms of how to fight against zombies. There have been hundreds of movies made about zombies and we have gotten to a point where regular brain eating zombies aren't enough anymore. Now they run fast, have thought processes, and even memories of their past life. There's nothing more crushing than looking into a zombie that used to be your spouse...and knowing that you absolutely have to smash their brains in!

In this Dante Saves You: Specific Zombie Edition I am gonna teach you how to battle zombies from five different types of movies. These zombies are gonna have different behaviors and skill levels but that doesn't matter as long as you follow the tips I give you. Otherwise you might as well rub some sauce all over your ass and get ready to become a Manwich!

Shit Just Got Real 3

There are a few things that I don't fuck around with. Sexy thighs, dirt people, food, comedy, and of course...zombies. Now, I'm not gonna hurt anyone over these things. I'll strongly disagree at the most. But this dude named Jared Gurman is on some whole 'nother level shit that makes me question the strength of my convictions. This is because this Williston Park (New York) mofo shot his girlfriend, Jessica Gelderman, in the back with a shotgun over a disagreement about the series The Walking Dead. 

“Jess walked into the room and I fired the gun once and hit her. She said, 'Oh my God. What did you do?'” Gurman told police. Using a .22 semiautomatic rifle he jacked up a lung, her diaphragm, and shattered her ribs because this is America and that is a logical response to a disagreement over a TV show. He drove her to a hospital and was arrested. She's still in there with a bullet in her body.