Rosscast Episode 259: Sometimes There Is No Logic

In this episode I answer a Listener Question about James Holmes and his violent murder of a dozen people in Aurora, Colorado at a viewing of the latest Batman film, unsalvageable people, Charles Manson, and a clip from Joe Rogan’s podcast. Click here to download this and past Rosscast Shows. Enjoy!

DC Doesn't Trust Its Fans

Arguably the two most important most important comic book moments to happen during my life have been Batman getting his back broken by Bane and Superman being killed by Doomsday. I found out about each of these occurrences through, of all people, my father.

“You know Superman died?”

"I pick things up and put them down!"

I was like “No, he didn’t.” Walked into my parents bedroom and sure enough there was a news story talking about the fact that Superman was indeed dead. It was weird. I wasn’t a huge fan of the character himself but he’d always been around.

Fast forward a few more years or so.

“You hear Batman got his back broken?”

Okay, goddamn it. Enough is enough. There was no way my no comic book reading ass father was gonna get the scoop on me agai--yep. Batman got his back broken. I was pissed because not only is Batman the best comic book character ever created but he got crippled by a set up move in wrestling.

"It wasn't the comic you needed. It was the comic you deserved."

Now when Superman died it was weird. I had recently really started to collect comic books and begged my oldest brother, Kevin, to get it for me. He worked at the mall and there was a comic book shop there at the time. So I deserved it. He told me he’d get it if I ironed his clothes free for the week. And I did. He brought me a comic book with the entire Justice League carrying a coffin. I open and read.

Don't worry, Lois. He's just sleeping. 

“What the fuck is this?!” I thought because I was years away from cursing out loud. It was Funeral For A Friend, not The Death Of Superman. I was pissed and my brother told me I’d have to wait. So I did and eventually he brought me the entire collection in graphic novel form.

I never bought or got the issue of Dark Knight Falls in which Batman got broken in half. But the question asked when each of these events occurred was this: Who did it? Meaning, who was the villain that finally managed to take down two of the most recognizable characters in comic book history?

"Wait. I thought we were working the arm..."

Surely Batman was taken out by The Joker. Lex Luthor had to have beaten Superman. Right? Nope. In both cases it was a character created just to do the dirty deed which was a huge cop out on DC’s part. I’m not gonna go into the history of Doomsday and the Superman saga. Max Landis did a far more entertaining version of that. But I’ll tell you what bugged me the most about Batman being taken out by a luchadore.

"Can a luchadore do thi-ow, ow- OW!!!"

Batman has arguably the best set of villains. Do I need to name them? Fuck you. He just does. He looks at other villains and laughs his creepy Batman laugh. There was no need to bring in this new South American psycho to take Batman down. Does DC not trust fans enough to accept that maybe one day Two Face gets lucky and shoots Batman? That Joker could slip a knife into the right spot and severe a nerve? No. They brought a guy out of nowhere to give him a backbreaker. A fucking backbreaker.

Remember When Wolverine Was Cool?

Remember when Wolverine was the coolest comic book character? The claws. The healing factor. Banging hot chicks. The claws. It didn’t matter that some artist drew him barely over 5 feet tall. You wanted to be this crazy ass bastard. Hell, I own a set of Wolverine claws (and a cool ass Right Fist Of Doom from a sassy Munky)! They are cool as shit and very, very sharp! He was right up there with Batman in terms of how awesome he was. At one point Marvel and DC did a crossover where they created (Amalgam) new characters mixing two. Darkclaw was the idea that came from it.

"I was this close to being cool..."

I’m not exactly sure when Wolverine stopped being cool. One theory is when he got his Adamantium ripped out by Magneto and it turned out that not only did he have claws already, but he began to revert into some kind of animal creature and lost his nose. I’m not kidding. The people that run one of the top comic book companies in the world thought this was a good idea. Have a noseless Wolverine that can not speak and walks around looking like The Maxx on speed. Great idea!

Maybe it was finding out his origin. One of the cool things about Wolverine was that he didn’t know shit about his past. No one knew how old he was. You could just make things up and be like “Logan, that happened…” and he’d run into the forest screaming “Jean!!!” and weeping to himself. His history was cluttered and crazy but it was fine because no one, not even him, knew the truth. Then one day they decided to explain his lame ass history that pretty much went against everything you knew or thought ruled about him. I imagined him popping them claws for the first time and laughing. Or being raised by wolves. Not this whiny little bitch.

Perhaps it was when he finally got his own movie and there wasn’t a drop of blood in it. I’m not kidding. Go and watch Wolverine: Origins again. Though he fights Sabertooth who also uses his clawed hands as a weapon and neither draw blood. In the X-Men films he cried like a little girl when Jean Grey died. He only went nuts with his claws once. Once, I say! Out of three films! This is depressing. So, yeah. Just try to think fondly of those days when you would think of Wolverine and imagine popping your claws in someone’s back and growling.

Batman Is Better Than You

Batman fucking rules. The end. That would set a record for my shortest blog. Honestly, that’s all I should have to write. Batman is the best character in comics. You can argue this with me and I will not budge. Just one glance at his symbol and you know who he is. Growing up you were either a Hulk Hogan or Ultimate Warrior kid. A Voltron or Transzor-Z kid. A Batman or Superman kid. You couldn’t get away with saying that both were your favorites since they were polar opposites of one another. On one side there’s The Dark Knight. On the other The Man Of Steel. Out of the two of them which would make you shit your pants coming out of the shadows?

You know what else makes Batman rule? He has no superpowers. That’s right. Batman has no powers besides being smart, violent, and innovative. He is a man who had his parents murdered right in front of him and decided that no one should ever suffer the same pain. He left his lavish lifestyle and traveled the world learning how to beat people up. He was gone for years and when he came back tough as nails he still didn’t think he was ready until a giant bat crashed through the window and he became a bat. Once he had the costume he was set to ruin the draws of every criminal in Gotham City.

One time Batman and Superman fought. I know that people out there will say “Dante, Superman can throw trains. How in the hell can Batman be a threat to him at all?” I’ll tell you how. Its because Superman is stupid. Batman kept a small piece of Kryptonite and when it was time for battle he had Green Arrow hit him with it and used sonic waves, electricity, and brutality to defeat Supes. This proves that even as an old man, Batman is awesome.

Batman’s alter ego is Bruce Wayne, not the other way around. He is so deep in being Batman that he has to pretend to be a billionaire playboy. He has to go to meetings and smile for the public while inside he is thinking of ways to stop crime and arrest all the rich people surrounding him who he knows are dirty. He’s pretended to sleep with more famous women than guys brag about actually doing. You know that if he could he would never take off the cape and cowl. He seems more exhausted when he takes his tie off than healing his wounds as Batman.

Wonder Woman wants to have sex with Batman. This may be pure speculation but I don’t think so. She follows him around and is super protective of him. Imagine that. An Amazonian princess has the hots for the only member of The Justice League that has no powers, is not from another planet, or made of energy. Batman always plays it cool though. He has enough women trying to get in his tights. Talia al Ghul, Catwoman, Zatanna, Vicki Vale, and Poison Ivy. That’s part of a large list by the way. He doesn’t even have to show his face to get chicks!

And lastly, one of the reasons Batman rules ass is because he is one of the few superheroes to have a successful and awesome film! Not one, but two! And with the third on the way that looks like its gonna break box office records. The first film took two characters that people barely know, The Scarecrow and Ras al Ghul, and made them cool. In the second film The Joker was reinvented. The next film will feature Bane, the asshole that broke Batman’s back. But you know what? Batman came back. Yeah, it was after he hired a psychopath Azrael and then had Dick Grayson cover for him, but whatever. No one can keep Batman down and for the rest of history he will be better than you.

The Joker Creator Jerry Robinson Passes Away

The creator of the greatest villain ever created passed away today. Sadly, until the passing of Jerry Robinson I never bothered to find out who created The Joker. I assumed it was Bob Kane. There’s actually some dispute over if it was one or both of them. For arguments sake and the fact that Kane seems like an asshole I’ll be giving all credit to Mr. Robinson. To be able to create a enemy that has no special ability besides being able to be so insane that the most deadly criminals in the DC Universe fear him. Batman should’ve killed him years ago but thinks he can be rehabilitated. Oh, that Batman. So hopeful in the face of obvious nonsense. When lists are made of the top villains of all time, The Joker always makes the top three.

The Joker doesn’t wear armor. No super powers. He doesn’t even have loyal sidekicks besides Harley Quinn but she came about way later in the animated series. He’s been around for 71 years. Think about that. A character that has been around longer than seven decades and still there are disputes to his actual true origins. There have been many versions of it but to me the best has been from The Killing Joke. He was trying to raise money to support his pregnant wife when he was knocked into a vat bleaching his skin and turning his hair green. Then he found out his wife and child were killed in an accident. That, my friends, is the recipe for Losingyoushitness.

In the Batman live action series he was played by Cesar Romero. I loved this version of him because even though he was super gaudy looking he was still crazy as hell and somewhat threatening. Though campy as hell he could take a punch like nobodies business. This is the show and version of the character that got me into Batman and sent me on the path of nerditry that I live with to this very day. Who would think something as simple as face paint could make someone so damned creepy? I know I was supposed to want Batman and Robin to catch him every time he was on but damn it I loved this strange ass guy.

In live action films The Joker has been portrayed by Jack Nicholson in Tim Burton’s Batman. I hated this film so much. Imagine poor little 9 year old Dante watching as a cool and flashy Joker pranced around the screen throwing parades and pulling three foot barrel having pistols from his pants. Screw this film. He didn’t get his cinematic due until Batman: Deadend which is a short film that kicked ass. Boner from Growing Pains played an amazing Joker. And then Heath Ledger showed up in Christopher Nolan’s The Dark Knight and blew everyone out of the water with his creepy, evil, sadistic, anything goes Joker with his sliced cheek smile. There was talk for a while of someone else playing him. Don't. That would be one of the worst ideas ever.

And I would be silly to not mention the absolute best portrayal of The Joker from Batman: The Animated Series. Voiced by the legendary Mark Hamill, he brought so much depth to a character that had for a while been seen as, well, a joke. His laugh alone would make heroes drop a funky load in their draws. Hamill has voiced The Joker in the Batman video games as well and recently retired the voice. Which I hope is a terrible, terrible lie. In the cartoons he has done everything from torture Tim Drake Robin into insanity, beaten and blown up Jason Todd, and pushed Batman to his own limit where he tries to beat him to death. Jerry Robinson, you will always be remembered for creating one of the best characters of any genre across every media ever.

Batman: Year One

“Nothing harms me. But I know pain. I know pain. And sometimes I share it…with someone like you.” - Batman

When you sit down for a moment and think about it, Batman is a creepy ass character. The look. The voice. The fact that he only comes out at night. There is nothing about the guy that is kid friendly. He’s not gonna climb a tree to save a cat. He’s more likely to stare it down. But surprisingly, Batman: Year One is not just the story of Batman. Its also about Commissioner James Gordon and Selina Kyle aka Catwoman.

This movie is based off of the Frank Miller graphic novel of the same title and sticks about 95% close to the source material. Bruce Wayne (I swear if I have to tell you who Bruce Wayne is I’m gonna box your ears!) returns to Gotham after being gone for years. He knows that the city needs to be cleaned up but is not quite sure how to do it. Arriving by train is Gordon who hates the city and regrets bringing his pregnant wife there from Chicago. Gordon meets his new partner Detective Flass who is an asshole jock that beats people up for fun and takes bribes. Gordon keeps an eye on him.

Meanwhile Bruce Wayne decides to try out some training and heads to where the hookers are. He is propositioned by a little girl whose pimp hits her and threatens Bruce with a knife. Bruce breaks him down like a human Jenga and is attacked by the same little girl he just helped! He gets stabbed and is then attacked by Selina Kyle who is a prostitute at this point. She matches him movie for move until the cops show up and shoot Bruce in the shoulder and arrest him. He gets free after crashing the squad car and saves both their lives. He gets home and recalls the night his parents were murdered and says that he would rather die than wait another for a way to fight crime. That’s when a giant bat crashes through the window giving him his inspiration.

Commissioner Loeb does not like how goody-goody Gordon is and decides that Flass needs to teach him a lesson. They beat him with bats leaving him unconscious. He gets his stuff together and finds Flass leaving a friends house and drives him off the road. Then he beats the crap out of him and leaves him lying naked and handcuffed in the woods. That’s what you get for threatening a man’s pregnant wife!

Later when Gordon and Detective Essen who is having an affair with trap Batman in a building that is being bombed, he hides and waits for the SWAT team to arrive. Batman takes them down one by one before using a new device to bring every bat from his cave to the scene and scaring the bejesus out of everyone. Batman gets away even after being shot two more times. You know why? Because he’s Batman! Selina ends up spending the last of her money on a costume to become Catwoman and gets upset that the press calls her Batman’s sidekick and helper.

Oh, there’s more but you all need to see it for yourself. Thankfully Mr. Soot let me borrow this because as I have mentioned before, DC Comics has the best animated comic book related films by far. The art, the story, and the action is amazing. I wasn’t blown away by Batman’s voice but he got the tone right. His behavior as Bruce Wayne was remarkable. I loved the scene where he grosses out Gordon’s wife by spreading his legs wearing only a robe. Talk about a Bat-A-Wang! Hahaha! Get it?! Oh, you know that was funny.

Batman, Supergirl Issue 1

Mr. Soot did place that device under my bed. It played “Goodbye Horses” over and over again by Q Lazarus. He thought it was funny until I decided to walk around the house Buffalo Bill style. He just threw a bottle of lotion at my head and sighed. Now back in my cell with laptop its time to write some DC 52 reviews.

                                                     Batman 1

I love Batman so much. Seriously. This guy is the best character ever created and has the best rogue gallery. It doesn’t hurt that dude is a psycho. For reals. When was the last time you saw Superman, Green Lantern, or anyone walk into a room and challenge some of his most dangerous enemies to a fight? Not never. But Batman does. Batman don’t give a shit.
He walks into Arkham Asylum facing guys like Clayface, Killer Croc, and Two-Face and just starts whipping their asses. All of a sudden he is tossed into Joker’s cell. Suddenly the most unlikely team since Randy Savage and Hulk Hogan start fighting together and beating the inmates. I was like “Oh, this is just stupid. Why is this happening?!” Later you find out that it was a disguise and Nightwing aka Dick Grayson was playing him.

Later Bruce Wayne, his punk ass son Damian, Dick, and Tim all get dressed for a fundraiser. Bruce has decided to start rebuilding Gotham City and taking pledges. By reading Commissioner Gordon’s lips using a new program (he also has this cool eye contact that brings the Batcave’s technology with him) and finds out someone was murdered. Batman meets up with Bullock and they find a guy stabbed to a wall. Batman places a cigar to a weird substance on the wall and it says “Bruce Wayne Will Die Tomorrow.” He sends DNA samples from the dead guys nails and it comes back saying it belongs to Jason Todd aka Red Hood aka Robin 2. Zombie bastard!

Story and art Scott Snyder and Greg Capaullo was great. This was one of my favorite issues so far from the DC Comics. The scene where Batman faces all those villains at the beginning looked so cool and the way Bruce Wayne is drawn he looks cool. He doesn’t look like an anonymous guy who happens to be Batman. Very well done.

Supergirl 1

Poor Supergirl has one of the most convoluted ass histories in the history of comics. Someone every few years comes along and changes her costume, clones her, makes her Superman’s cousin, the last Kryptonian. Just all over the place. So its no surprise that she wakes up in this issue not knowing where the hell she is. She hits Kansas and ends up in Siberia. I’m no gynecologist, someone that studies Earth, but that seems impossible. She is attacked by men in robot suits and whips their asses and discovers she has heat vision. She is about to kill a soldier until Superman shows up and stops her. If you pay attention you’ll see that some of the stuff she hears takes place in other issues.

I makes me a bit nervous that a lot of the heavy hitters are making appearances in these smaller comics. Its almost like they don’t think they have the ability to sale themselves. If I knew beforehand that Superman made an appearance at the end it wouldn’t have swayed me to get this issue. Supergirl, who is forever connected to the world’s most popular character, should be able to stand alone.

Story and art by Michael Green and Mike Johnson. The art is decent. The story could’ve been just half of the issue with the rest explaining more. Why does she already have a costume? Is she old enough for me to stare at her boobs? I don’t know and I’m not sure if I’m willing to stick around and find out.

Batman Detective Comics Issue 1

Mr. Soot has come back and he bought something big. I don’t know what it is for sure but the words laser, death, and/or ray will likely be involved. So while he curses the planet and all who were born before him I’ll whip out another blog covering the DC 52. This is the one I have been waiting for!

The story begins with Batman counting the amount of deaths The Joker has caused and commited over the last six years (114 if you’re interested) and believes that tonight is the night he will finally catch him. That is if he gets there in time to stop the big guy wearing a human skullcap with a large knife from killing him first!

While a nude Joker “signs” his name into the man’s body after ripping his throat out with his bare teeth, Batman arrives. Just as he is about to capture The Joker a small child gets Batman’s attention and he gets away. Soon Gotham PD show up and Batman has to put his boots up their asses before taking off. Back in The Batcave his trusty butler Alfred lets him know that Master Wayne has blown off another date. Batman ain’t got time for no lovin’!

After finding out where The Joker is through Commissioner Gordon Batman arrives in time to see a bunch of SWAT members get blown to bits by a fake Joker bomb. The real Joker escapes to a train before Batman finds him and they start fighting. Sometimes we have to be reminded of how crazy and dangerous the Joker is. After a whiff of his deadly gas Batman is stabbed twice and almost shot before getting electrocuted. He manages to fight back and beats the piss out of The Joker. Happy ending!

Right?

The Joker is locked away in Arkham Asylum where while in his cell someone comes into his cell and carves his face off. Not cuts him up. Cuts his face off and nails it to a wall. Oh, and The Joker asked for this. Yeah. This was an awesome first issue and had me gripped from the very first page to the last. The art and story were amazing and done by the same person, Tony S. Daniel. Batman’s outfit is more realistic than previous versions where it was just tights and good luck and skill that kept him alive. There are slight bits of armor, real boots, and shorter bat ears. Great first issue of one of the best characters ever created in comics.

Justice League Issue 1

Mr. Soot asked me to write a blog for each issue of DC’s new re-launch of all of their comics starting with Justice League #1. He didn’t so much as ask me as demand me. The conversation went a little something like this.

Him: “DC is relaunching their comics.”


Me: “I heard.”


Him: “You’re gonna write about it.”


Me: “Um…”


Him: “Every issue.”


Me: “But I have eight other blogs.”


Him: “That’s funny.”


Me: “What’s funny?”


Him: “That you think I care.”

I may be paraphrasing but that was pretty damned close to how it went down. But with more cursing and weeping. Forget everything you know about Batman, Superman, Wonder Woman, The Flash, Green Lantern, and Aquaman. Seriously. Forget it. This is a starting point for new fans and old fans who have tired of the convoluted history in DC Comics.

The story begins with an armed team trying to take down Batman and some creature that spits fire. Green Lantern shows up and is surprised that Batman is real. Testament to the fact that Batman is so awesome that a guy that whose job it is to protect our universe is amazed by him.

                       “Flattery will get you punched.”

Green Lantern is super cocky and pretty much tells Batman to cool his jets because he has everything under control. Batman does not like how bright Green Lantern is. There is an exchange between the two of them that actually made me laugh out loud.

Green Lantern: “What are your powers anyway? You cant fly.”


Batman: “No.”


Green Lantern: “Super strength?”


Batman: “No.”


Green Lantern: “Hold on a second…You’re not just some guy in a bat costume are you? Are you freaking kidding me?!”

They make their way to a high school where Vic Stone aka Cyborg is playing football and wowing the crowd while his father disappoints him by not showing up. They arrive in a bright green plane which scares everyone and pisses Batman off and trace alien in the air by GPS. Green Lantern locks Batman in a box and tells him “I can handle this” before being punched across the field by a surprisingly awesome looking Superman who sees Batman and asks…

“So…what can you do?”

This was a great first start by Jim Lee, Geoff Johns, and Scott Williams. I am actually anxious to see how the characters I am so familiar with behave in this new DC Universe. The combination of Batman and Green Lantern was surprisingly fun and exciting due to their personalities being so different. Cant wait for the next issue. Mr. Soot has locked me in a cage with my laptop and told me that each issue should be fashioned to make a blanket for warmth.

And he said he didn’t like me.

"Batman: Angry Knight"

Once again Dante has to deal with having Batman living with him and being an asshole. Will he finally stand up for himself?

Those Who Shaped Me

As any self respecting nerd knows, you have to have a hero. No, I’m not talking about your father who’s sitting in the living room wondering where he went wrong with raising you. No, I’m talking about fictional characters. Much like the blog I wrote about hot cartoon and video game characters this is about the types of characters I have liked throughout my life. This is the cream of the crop, ya’ll. You can tell a lot about a man by who he worships.

Batman



Of course he starts this list off. What is there not to like about Batman? I grew up liking him in all forms from the cheesy TV show and the silliness of Super Friends. Burton almost killed my love of Batman but the awesome ass animated series saved him. Batman is what every hero should be. Smart, fast, brutal, and efficient. How many other people can say they’ve been kicked out of the Justice League because they have a contingency plan to take out every single member of the team?

Blackbolt



This guy doesn’t get the amount of respect he deserves. Blackbolt is the king of the Inhumans and has so much power he cant use it. See, Blackbolt has the ability to destroy things with his voice. Not like many other characters that shout and bring down planes. No. Blackbolt could crack a country in two if he yelled. He has spoken very few times and even knock down The Incredible Hulk with a whisper.

Brock Samson



Brock is what could clinically be classified as a psychopath. He has no superpowers but somehow manages to not die no matter what situation he is in. He took enough darts to kill a man and was buried alive only to wake from the dead, use his car to crash through a super villains lair and kill all of his henchmen without dropping his cigarette. And he’ll fuck anything that moves…except for that one Russian lady and Dr. Girlfriend.

Deadpool



I used to have every issue of Deadpool. Yeah, they ruined him in that terrible Wolverine movie but “the merc with a mouth” is one of the coolest characters in comics. He is terribly insane and violent. One of the only characters that manage to float between evil and good without being jailed for his crimes.

Marv



When I first read the Sin City graphic novels Marv was like what I always wanted to be. Just human but indestructible. He has been stabbed, shot, hit by cars (I’ve been hit by cars!) and managed to keep on going. His determination and loyalty to the very few people that can stand to be around him makes him an admirable guy.

Rock Lee



This kid is from Naruto and honestly when I first saw him I thought he looked goofy. That was until I learned his story and saw him battle Gaara in one of the coolest and intense fights I’ve ever witnessed in a cartoon. The only student with no actual magical abilities Rock Lee has fought and beaten ninjas with far more power than he has with speed and his teacher smiling all the while.

Shade The Changing Man



I first got this comic book on accident at 7/11 and the bizarre story and art by Chris Bachalo pulled me in. He’s from a planet called Meta and he inhabits the bodies of people that have just died, in a coma, or empty. He has been in the body of a redhead (the one I am most familiar with), a psycho, and a woman. He had sex as a woman just to see what it was like. He had sex with the ground and it gave birth to mini Shade’s. Why are all of my favorite guys insane?

Shadowhawk



Again, another one that doesn’t get respect. Imagine if Batman decided to take his level of violence a step further. When Shadowhawk finds and catches criminals he breaks their spines. That’s his thing. And he does his thing well. This artist that drew him (I couldn’t find his version of Shadowhawk) drew in such a chaotic way it inspired my art in the sense that if something wasn’t completely visible it didn’t matter because I knew what was what and where was where.

The Maxx



Another one I first got from 7/11 and went nuts for. The cartoon was amazing as well as it was taken directly from the comic book. Sam Keith was an amazing artist as was Maxx. A man with the spirit of a rabbit. Long claws which are actually his middle fingers dipped in lava and sharpened. He fights Mr. Gone and switches between the “real” world and the fantasy world of Pangaea. Damn, I am really missing good comic books right now.

Skulduggery Pleasant



This guy is the reason I now have a tattoo. My friend and the best human alive Camille first told me about this book about a skeleton and this girl that used magic. I started reading the book and was hooked immediately. Four books later and the story just keeps getting better. He lost his original head and won a new one in a bet. He has a history that is hinted at where he committed very brutal acts. He throws fireballs! This character is amazing and one of the best ones I have ever read or seen.

And this is my tattoo.

The Dark Knight: "Anger Management"