Dark Knight, Flash, Firestorm, Green Lantern New Guardians Issue 1

There are two things me and Mr. Soot agree on. That last issue is Superman was terrible and honey badgers don’t give a shit. After a spirited discussion at the wonder we have with DC’s decision to let certain comics not only get made, but get made so terribly. Its now time to write about some comics. Lets hope they’re better than the last batch!

Batman The Dark Knight

This issue went back and forth in terms of what was good and what was bad about it. I liked the fact that they are making Bruce Wayne an interesting character. He is still trying to make Gotham City a better place. A police officer confronts him and accuses him of funding Batman, which if you think about it for a moment makes perfect sense and I’m glad they’re going in this direction. We even get to see Batman get his flirt on!

There is a riot at Arkham Asylum and I kinda had trouble figuring out who was who. The cops are getting their asses handed to them and Batman shows up to help. He starts head butting and kicking people in the face and they cant figure out why more than 300 of the most dangerous criminals got free all at once. This is okay. The issue jumps the shark when Batman finds Two-Face and he is the size of The Incredible Hulk and he screams that his name is now One-Face. Uh…yeah.

I like Batman and all but this issue was just too all over the place. If they had focused on just Bruce Wayne and the investigation into his life and funding Batman that would’ve been cool. Taking a character that and turning him into a monster (which I hate as much as fire monsters but not as much as smoke monsters).

The Flash

Never been a huge fan of Flash comics. The power to run fast never really appealed to me. I did begin to like him in the cartoons but never enough to call myself a fan. This issue may have changed that. While Barry Allen aka The Flash is at a party for science folk and some guys rob the place. Barry transforms into The Flash and whips their asses while being funny at the same time (take notes Kid Flash). One of the criminals ends up getting killed is someone Barry knew when he was younger. Oh, and The Flash gets accused of murder. This was a fun and interesting issue, especially the way it ends. I’m intrigued enough to check out the next issue. Truly shocking.

The Fury of Firestorm

I know who Firestorm is…vaguely. This issue starts with a family being tortured and murdered. So not a kid book? A star high school football player Ronnie is interviewed by Jason and Ronnie gets accused of being racist. He later asks his mother why he has no Black friends while Jason feels bad for even bringing race up. That killer team shows up at the school looking for the Firestorm formula which Jason admits to having and takes turning into Firestorm and blowing a lot of the school up in the process. Ronnie also turns into a Firestorm and they start fighting which is rather silly. It ends with them combining into some big ass fire guy named Fury. I hate characters combining almost as much as I hate fire creatures and…you know the rest. Cool art but the story was very meh.

Green Lantern New Guardians

Kyle Rayner is probably my least favorite Green Lantern but that may change if this series keeps the pace its at from this first issue. A Guardian creates a new ring and sends it to Earth to find a bearer. Kyle is at a bar sketching the waitress so he can leave it as a tip since he is broke. He heads outside to use the bathroom and the Guardian gives him the ring and they start flying away. With his artistic abilities he makes a great natural Lantern. All over the universe Lanterns of every color are being stripped of their rings and dying.

Later after Kyle saves a construction worker and a kid makes fun of his outfit, all the rings that left their owners start floating at him and announcing his name out loud (which is a very funny moment) and wanting him to wear it. The surviving former ring bearers arrive and want to attack Kyle for “stealing” their rings. This was a cool issue and I would definitely check out the next one.

Catwoman, Green Lantern Corps, Blue Beetle, Captain Atom Issue 1

I woke up in the middle of writing all these blogs for the DC 52 and Mr. Soot had a bottle of lotion and a poodle in his arms. I know when its time to get busy. And I am tired of being referred to as “It.” Lets get cracking on a bunch of comic books!

                                       Catwoman 1

Very first page is Catwoman putting clothes on. End of review! But seriously, that’s how this starts. Catwoman rushes out of her apartment just as some masked men shoot the place up before blowing it to bits. She ends up crashing at a friend/informants place and finishing out about some available work. She ends up in disguise as a bartender getting information from the Russian mob about some art.
She ends up hearing the voice of someone from her past who killed a woman right in front of her. Selina aka Catwoman is young in the flashback. She finds the guy in the bathroom and pretends to seduce him and ends up beating the piss out of him! She leaves the club whipping ass along the way before heading home (meaning a penthouse that’s unoccupied) and finding Batman waiting for her. They end up bumping uglies which was pretty cool to see for once instead of having it implied.

Story and art by Judd Winick and Gullem March. The art in this was pretty good. I have read Catwoman books in the past and thought they were okay. This was way better than those. She kicked ass, looked good, and they gave a glimpse into her past. Oh, and Batman and her got bizzay!!!

Green Lantern Corps 1

This issue starts off cool with two Lanterns and a criminal being sliced to death right off the start. Those rings these guys wear have absolutely no emotion. As soon as you die they’re like “Well, time to find someone else to wear me…” I don’t know who the killer is but one of the dying Lanterns did. Back on Earth Guy Gardner, also a Lantern, is applying for a job as a coach. They believe he is too dangerous and may endanger the students so he leaves.

John Stewart, another Lantern, is trying to get better and safer houses built for the city and exposing that City Hall is corrupt. Meanwhile something just killed an entire planet. Seriously, the entire planet. Guy and Stewart fly to the Green Lantern home world Oa and talk about how much their lives suck. They find out those alien have been killed and decide to take some more shields, er, Lanterns to find out what happened. They arrive and everything is dead including that planets Lanterns.

Okay story by Peter J. Tomasi and good art by Fernando Pasarin. I just cant relate to these Lanterns on any level though. Yeah, one is Black. So what? When guys who can create anything by thinking about it (Salma Hayek…!) have problems finding work I just shrug. It wasn’t bad or anything. Just…I don’t know. Worth a thumbing through.

Blue Beetle 1

A Blue Beetle is jacking up an alien planet. Later a Green Lantern (Jesus, these guys are everywhere!) stops a beetle from crashing to Earth. But not really. Even later a kid, Joey, in school is invited to a party after being smacked with a soccer ball.

Let me just jump to the action because the set up for this kid isn’t all that interesting really. Some super villains are fighting other villians for one of those beetles when Joey and his friend stumble into the middle of it. Joey gets his hands on this beetle and when he is struck with a knife it opens up and transforms him into something that looks like a villain on The Power Rangers.

Story by Tony Bedard which isn’t all that awesome. The art by Ig Guara is pretty damned impressive though. I just wish he had more to work with. The jumping back and forth with Spanish and English is cute twice, but stop. I get it. They speak multiple languages. They’re better than me. All right. Enough. I don’t know much about Blue Beetle and this didn’t make me want to.

Captain Atom 1

The story starts off with captain Atom whipping some dude in a robot suit’s ass. As he’s fighting he starts feeling weird and suddenly he disintegrates the suit with a touch scaring the hell out of the guy. And himself. He looks at his hand and it appears to begin to fizzle away before reforming. He heads back to base and Dr. Megala breaks his powers down for him explaining that he is vanishing.

A volcano starts appearing in the middle of New York and a nuclear reactor is getting set to blow in India. He handles the one in India first since that would affect more people. In New York he transforms the lava into snow absorbing way too much energy in the process. He saves the day but the issue ends with him literally falling apart at a molecular level. Aah! Aah! Aah!!!

J.T Krul wrote this (who has been fired from Green Arrow) and amazing art from Freddie Williams II. Captain Atom looked like he was not solid and I liked that. Not sure if it makes me wanna get it pregnant but this was a good start for a character I know pretty much nothing about.

Batwoman, Suicide Squad Issue 1

Mr. Soot must have been filled with the spirit of vengeance when he gave me these two kick ass issues. If 90% of the DC 52 comics were like this I would go insane with joy. But they’re not. Alas, lets not focus on the negatives! Just the positives. And I’m pretty positive Mr. Soot is practicing with nunchucks…

                                       Batwoman 1

Right off the “bat” (see what I did there?!) this issue grabs your attention with the art. Its amazing. This ghost lady shows up in the bedroom of these kids and weeps as she takes them away. Batwoman shows up and chases her away. Not really though because the kids are now missing. She promises the parents that she will rescue the kids. The police make no such promise. Other kids are missing and they have no leads or clues.

Kate Kane aka Batwoman is at home with some chick named Bette aka Flamebird go out on a small crime fighting spree and Batwoman decides that she doesn’t want to do it again. She says she spent more time watching Flamebird’s back than she was. Black Mask is also sending an agent to Gotham to get Batwoman. Dude looks very cool by the way.

Back home Kate’s dad shows up unexpectedly and she airs all of their dirty laundry! In one splash page they show the characters entire history which is an amazing accomplishment. The issue ends with Batwoman investigating a lake where kids bodies were found when Batman shows up and says he has a proposition for her.

This issue was pretty damn cool and was written well by J.H Williams III and art by W. Haden Blackman. Every page looks like it took time and effort and was super amazing. I like this issue because they managed to cover so much, mostly because the way the pages were set up Blackman was able to convey so much emotion in such little space. I would so pick up the next issue.

Suicide Squad 1

How many times have you opened up a comic book and the first page is someone being tortured by having a bucket full of rats on their bare stomach with a blowtorch being used to make the rats attempt to chew their way free? That’s what I thought. Suicide Squad starts off with the entire team being tortured for information about who sent them.

Deathstroke is the one being tortured with rats. Some dude with fire powers named El Diablo is being beaten and having bags of salt poured on him. Harley Quinn has a jumper cable attached to her cheeks. King Shark is sitting in front of heat lamps. He bites someone’s arm off. Voltaic is being beaten. Some guy named Black Spider is laying on the floor dying. Some dude Savant ends up spilling the beans about their mission and thinks he will be safe. He’s not. He gets killed. The team has guns held to their head, with Deathstroke telling them they’re holding the gun at the wrong place, and it turns out…surprise! It was a test.

They are being held by their boss and it turns out that out of 37 candidates they are the six that made it. This was a great issue with story and art by Adam Glass and Federico Dallocchio. The different look of Harley Quinn and Deathstroke was cool and I’m not a fan of King Shark but I am now after that one shot of him biting that guys arm off and screaming “Meat! Meat! Meat!” I forgot to mention, but during the torture they also managed to explain each characters origin and how they got where they are.

Deathstroke, Grifter, Legion Lost Issue 1

I don’t know what mood Mr. Soot was in when he bought these books but they are very violence heavy. This batch is better than the last few that have been coming out which is cool. Oh, great. Now he’s stomping through the halls singing “Old Gray Mare” at the top of his lungs. I don’t have much time left to write these for now so lets get started.

                                      Deathstroke 1

This issue does not waste any damn time getting started. It begins with a mission that Deathstroke was on where faced against a group of armed soldiers still manages to cut the head off of his target and a few other unlucky bastards that are in the way. He’s now relegated to being an expensive bodyguard. A man named Christophe wants him to work with a new young team of assassins.

Deathstroke meets the team that I wont bother naming (you’ll see why) and they head on their mission where they have to rendezvous with a plane midair and take out their target which is a man dealing in nuclear weapons. When he gets on the plane he is met with some creatures mixed with Clayface DNA and starts kicking them out of the plane before being shown a briefcase. Deathstroke blows the plane up and heads back to base.

While the team celebrates a successful mission Deathstroke says “I think there is no ‘up and coming.’ There’s only competition. And I don’t work with it.” He then commences to shoot every single one of the poor bastards. Dude is hardcore! He is told by Christophe that the higher ups don’t think he’s got it anymore. I don’t know about you but he doesn’t seem like the kinda guy I would say stuff like that to.

This was a good fast paced issue. Story and art by Kyle Higgins and Joe Bennett really fit this character that I don’t know anything about other than he can fight well against Batman and has just one eye. I look forward to the next issue to see where they go with this.

Grifter 1

Wait. Grifter got his own comic? The guy from WildCATS?! How in the blue hell did this happen? Anyway, the story starts with him on an airplane (don’t take planes in the DC Universe!) and he starts hearing voices. A woman attacks him with a pick and he takes her out before fighting as he falls from the plane. We flashback to him ripping someone off who was trying to rip him off. He’s set to meet with this chick and leave the country. He ends up snatched by some ghost demon thing and wakes up tied to a table.

He escapes and beats someone to death, which freaks him right the hell out. He thinks he was unconscious for only seventeen minutes but it turns out it was for seventeen days. Flash forward to him surviving the fall from the plane and the government looking for him for murder. The story ends with him in a cemetery in New Orleans putting on his mask.

This was a fun little issue but something felt like it was missing. It felt like I walked into the middle of a story that had started a long time ago. This is a reoccurring problem with some of these DC 52 stories. Its supposed to be introducing readers to new stories but I shouldn’t be this puzzled by the first issue. Not puzzled by questions that can be answered later, but by answers I have to find online. Story by Nathan Edmondson and great art by Cafu.

Legion Lost 1

This is the epitome of what I was just talking about. Its like they said “Hey, lets throw a bunch of characters into one issue that involves time travel which is already confusing and see what happens!” This team full of people I don’t know and doubt I’d want to get stuck looking for someone who is spreading some disease in our timeline. They catch him, he breaks free, they crash and a couple people die and I don’t care. Maybe this is for fans of Power Pack or something. I don’t know. Story by Fabian Nicieza and inconsistent art by Pete Woods. I will pretend I didn’t read this.

Batman And Robin, Demon Knights, Resurrection Man Issue 1

Mr. Soot was standing over me when I woke from my nap. He smiled and said “You’re like the Robin to my Batman.” I stood to give him a hug and he started laughing. “You’re my Jason Todd.” I wanted to cry but he says that is a sign of weakness and my tears get on the laptop. So I will man up and soldier on.

                                Batman And Robin 1

I hate the new Robin. I want him to get the Jason Todd treatment and get beaten half to death and blown up. I’m getting ahead of myself. The story starts with an agent of Batman is Russia about to whip a villains ass when some guy pops a cap in his ass and fries him to death telling him “I’m nobody. And so are you.”

While explaining some very important information to Damien, the new Robin and Batman’s son (don’t you dare ask me to explain!), they head out on a mission to stop some guys from starting a radiation disaster. During the mission Robin causes a few guys to die. Batman doesn’t do what I think he should and fire him or beat his monkey ass.

Batman tries to explain the importance of saving lives and not ending them but this little bastard just brushes him off talking about how much better he is than all the other Robin’s. In other news the guy who killed that dude in Russia just killed another Batman. And he says “This new global circus act of his had to end. Its time to pay Bruce Wayne a visit.” Aah! Aah! Aah!

This issue had great art by Patrick Gleason and some of the story by Peter J. Tomasi. I just don’t like the Damien character. He is worse than Jason Todd and reckless to the point of suicidal. I’m sure there are people out there that like the little jerk but he ruined this issue for me. I do love this dude with all the headlights on his face killing Batmen though. He is a cool looking villain. If it wasn’t for Robin I would have liked this story more.

Demon Knights 1

I like Etrigan! When I first saw him I asked “Whose the fish demon?” The story starts with how a unlucky guy happened to walk into the room where the demon Etrigan was being held and Merlin The Magician locked the demon away inside of him. He can be called out when needed by Jason O’ Th’ Blood. Coolest. Name. Ever.

They happen into a bar where this evil sorceress and her army are heading and get into a brawl. Wanna know how evil this lady is? She has one of her wizards use a baby to find out where to go and the baby explodes. After Etrigan is summoned and starts breathing fire and kicking ass dragons show up to wreck shit.

This was a cool issue but not heavy in terms of depth. A more action packed story of the character than I was expecting. I was thinking it would take place in present day but its totally hundreds of years ago. Fun story but not something I would look forward to monthly. Story and art by Paul Cornell and Diogenes Neves.

Resurrection Man 1

I love this story and character. Never heard of him until today though. Resurrection Man wakes up in a morgue and screams in pain from being brought back to life. Apparently each time he dies and comes back he has a new power. This time its electricity. For unknown reasons he has to get to Portlad. So after stealing some cash he hops on a plane where he meets this strange broad (yeah, I use the word broad) with a red teardrop on her cheek who knows all about the people on the plane and why they are there. She transforms into a demon and starts killing people and attempts to bring the plane down.

Mitch aka Resurrection man fights her off with his new powers and defeats her but not before she lets him know that the dead want him back. Bad. These two chicks show up at the morgue and start asking where “John Doe” went and kill the workers before figuring they should try asking questions without covering their mouths. He ends up getting sucked into the planes engine and all of the passengers die. He wakes up in the wreckage with the ability to turn into water, which he does and gets away before another demon agent arrives in the form of a fireman.

This was a cool story and art by Dan Abnett and Andy Lanning. Like I mentioned, never heard of this character but now I want to know everything about him. The way this was done it felt like I was watching a series like Dexter or Dead Like Me. Very cool and I will be checking this one out again.

Superboy, Frankenstein Agent Of SHADE, Mr. Terrific Issue 1

I woke up in my cell with a note taped to my forehead that said “You Are Not Writing!” courtesy of Mr. Soot. I wanted to crumple the note but figured it could be used as evidence if I ever get out of here alive. On the bright side some new DC 52 comics were left next to my plate of rice and flies so I guess I’ll get to writing about them.

                                         Superboy 1

I have never been able to figure out the character of Superboy. Is it Superman as a child? Is it a clone? Is he from another reality altogether? I’m glad this is around to give me a fresh starting point because frankly I don’t have the patience to try and figure this out for myself. The issue starts with what is referred to as “the clone” floating in a tank and being observed. The experiment is being considered a failure since the clone does nothing but exist when in actuality it has no reason to do anything other than ponder.

They don’t know it but the clone knows and hears everything they are doing. When they decide to kill it with cyanide it feels pain for the first time and lashes out killing people before a researcher calms him down. It doesn’t understand most of what is going on and even the feeling of air on its skin is strange. A month later it is enrolled in school and answering questions he knows he should not know. He meets a girl and walks her home, meanwhile ignoring a woman screaming for help as the house burns down with her inside. Wait. What?!

It turns out to be a virtual reality simulator and he is aware of it. The researcher wants to know why he did not save the woman saying “…its clear Superman is obsessed with helping people. So unless Superboy’s human cells originated from in a deeply pathological, megalomaniacal narcissist, the likes of which the world has never known…it means we did something wrong.”

In the end Superboy is released by someone high on the food chain and lets him know what he has to do. There are some young heroes behind him and I recognize one as Kid Flash or whatever he goes by nowadays. This was a cool issue and they introduced who Superboy is and what he can do pretty well. Funny how easily some of these 52 stories handle origins so well while others confuse you more than when you began. His costume kicks ass too. This was done by Scott Lobdell and R.B Silva.

Frankenstein Agent Of S.H.A.D.E 1

I didn’t know what too expect going into this one but was pleasantly surprised. It starts with a dog getting skinned. Yeah. That happened by page two. Monsters are loose and its up to Frankenstein to stop them. Seriously, bear with me. Monsters are destroying a small town and its up to Frankenstein, his creator who has taken the form of a little girl, and some creatures to stop them.

Their base of operations is a 3-inch globe that has an entire city in it called The Ant Farm. You can only enter by being shrunk using technology created by Ant Man. Its pretty cool. Frankenstein’s wife was last seen fighting the monsters before disappearing and with the help of a mer-woman, a wolf man, a mummy, and a vampire, they hope to succeed.

This was a pretty fun issue. I love that whenever Frankenstein had a question a little computer would answer his question, especially since I had the same ones. I don’t know what amount of drugs one would have to take to think to give Frankenstein a big ass gun and fight monsters but I’m glad they did it. Cool story by Jeff Lemire and very fitting art by Alberto Ponticelli.

Mister Terrific 1

I just love that name. I’m not sure why. It sounds super cheesy but it fit’s the character. Mister Terrific is chasing some nut job in a powered suit (why are Black heroes always chasing crazy White folks in powers suits?) in England. After capturing him it goes into his origin story which is pretty damn depressing and reminiscent of The Joker’s from The Killing Joke. In an effort to destroy himself he ends up becoming powerful and using his power for good.

In a diner parking lot a normal guy on his lunch break goes ape-shit and kills a homeless man after a strange sound rang in his head. Later while at a fundraiser with some very powerful people that strange sound strikes again this time affecting Mr. Terrific. He reprograms a system that is meant to safeguard against seismic activity to shake the building and kill someone who could be president one day.

I don’t know much about Mr. Terrific besides the fact that he is Black, has a big ass “T” on his face, and watched the Justice League’s base when they were on missions in the cartoon. Oh, and he rides balls. Don’t laugh. This issue wasn’t bad but it didn’t exactly want to take it out on a second date. This issue was done by Eric Wallace and Gianluca Gugliotta.

Batman Detective Comics Issue 1

Mr. Soot has come back and he bought something big. I don’t know what it is for sure but the words laser, death, and/or ray will likely be involved. So while he curses the planet and all who were born before him I’ll whip out another blog covering the DC 52. This is the one I have been waiting for!

The story begins with Batman counting the amount of deaths The Joker has caused and commited over the last six years (114 if you’re interested) and believes that tonight is the night he will finally catch him. That is if he gets there in time to stop the big guy wearing a human skullcap with a large knife from killing him first!

While a nude Joker “signs” his name into the man’s body after ripping his throat out with his bare teeth, Batman arrives. Just as he is about to capture The Joker a small child gets Batman’s attention and he gets away. Soon Gotham PD show up and Batman has to put his boots up their asses before taking off. Back in The Batcave his trusty butler Alfred lets him know that Master Wayne has blown off another date. Batman ain’t got time for no lovin’!

After finding out where The Joker is through Commissioner Gordon Batman arrives in time to see a bunch of SWAT members get blown to bits by a fake Joker bomb. The real Joker escapes to a train before Batman finds him and they start fighting. Sometimes we have to be reminded of how crazy and dangerous the Joker is. After a whiff of his deadly gas Batman is stabbed twice and almost shot before getting electrocuted. He manages to fight back and beats the piss out of The Joker. Happy ending!

Right?

The Joker is locked away in Arkham Asylum where while in his cell someone comes into his cell and carves his face off. Not cuts him up. Cuts his face off and nails it to a wall. Oh, and The Joker asked for this. Yeah. This was an awesome first issue and had me gripped from the very first page to the last. The art and story were amazing and done by the same person, Tony S. Daniel. Batman’s outfit is more realistic than previous versions where it was just tights and good luck and skill that kept him alive. There are slight bits of armor, real boots, and shorter bat ears. Great first issue of one of the best characters ever created in comics.

Animal Man, Static Shock, Hawk & Dove, Green Arrow Issue 1

While Mr. Soot is away doing whatever it is that super villains do when they’re not busy being super villainy I decided to use the available light in my cell and write some more reviews. This whole DC 52 thing is making me quickly see that not everyone needs a reboot and should’ve stayed gone and that just because someone was good in the 90’s doesn’t mean they can still hack it now.

                                      Animal Man 1

I had heard that this was a good one and I’ll be damned if its not one of the best of the 52 stories so far. I didn’t think Animal Man could be a cool character. He just seemed like a more powerful Bravestarr (you make me sad for not knowing who he is). The very first page is an interview by a magazine asking what Buddy Baker aka Animal Man has been up to lately. Boom. History taken care of.

While at home with his wife and kids his daughter is screeching for a new puppy while his son rushes in and tells him that there’s a hostage situation at the hospital. A man whose daughter died from cancer is trying to take one of the kids and believes his daughter is still alive. Animal man takes him out by using the skin of a rhino, reflexes of a fly, speed of a cheetah, and the bark of a dog. He calls it his “action hero” cocktail.

A policeman mentions that something is wrong with his eyes. They are pouring blood but the doctors find nothing wrong and he admits that he hasn’t felt better in a long time. Back home while sleeping he has a disturbing dream. And by disturbing I mean “if you don’t believe in God now you will in a moment!” In his dream he sees the types of creatures you’d imagine after trying to reenact Fear & Loathing In Las Vegas. He rushes downstairs after his wife screams for him to find his daughter playing with the reanimated corpses of animals. Aah! Aah! Aah!

Written and drawn by Jeff Lemire and Travel Foreman this is by far one of my favorites in the 52 series. They managed to cover the characters history, his civilian life, his heroic life, and set up a threat that he has to face. Great job all around and I cant wait to read issue two! Fun, dark, and great pacing.

Static Shock 1

Virgil Dawkins is Static Shock, a smart ass kid (figuratively and literally) that has the power to manipulate electricity in all its form. While chasing a villain away that has stolen a powered suit from STAR Labs (which is apparently the most dangerous place on Earth to work besides The Daily Planet). After stopping him he is immediately executed. If someone says they are about to die, just believe them and raise a shield or something. But nope. Dude gets killed and in the process Static Shock manages to piss off New York City by frying a bunch of folks electric items.

A group of multi colored villains are seen recording and watching the action. These Power Rangers report back to some guy what happened and he is pissed off so he sends in Virule. Just picture Killer Croc 2099 or something. By the end of the issue Static gets new stuff for his hover craft from Hardware (who knew he still existed?) and is instantly shot by Virule who ends up slicing the kids arm off.

The was the definition of “meh.” The story by Scott McDaniel seems to not pick a tone and stick with it. You cant go from smart mouthed kid watching someone get murdered one foot from him to asking for a new car from his parents the next. The art by John Rozum is mediocre. This reboot would’ve been the perfect chance to get rid of Static’s goofy ass dreads. I mean, its funny when a character looks almost exactly like their alter ego. This didn’t get my panties wet at all.

Hawk & Dove 1

Hawk & Dove have a long and uninteresting history in comics and for some reason they decided to keep that trend going. Hawk is strong and powerful. Dove, who is now a chick, is the same but she has stronger emotions. I guess in case of a robbery they can slip on her tears. The two of them manage to stop a plane heading towards the Washington Monument. It still hits it but just a little.

Back at home Hawk is bitching about his brother the former Dove being dead (this reboot would’ve been a good way to fix that…) and Dove is hanging out with her boyfriend Deadman talking about stuff. She is hiding a secret from Hawk that she wishes to never tell. Hawk feels like beating some stuff up. The also show the origin of how they got their powers and it is so lame. They just asked for them. That’s it. “Hey, I wanna be powerful.” “Okay!” some gods say and there you are. At the end some dude that looks like a brown version of the deceased Dove shows up and kills a zombie. Wait. Huh?!

What a waste of paper this one was. The story by Sterling Gates was super rushed and felt like a throwaway issue. And the art? Rob Liefeld has been doing this since I was a child and has managed not to grow as an artist. Look at that cover! Tell me that doesn’t look like the same shit he was doing back in the 90’s. He does not have the ability to draw emotions other than rage, anger, pissedoffness, and rage. In a normal conversation people look like they are in the middle of taking the most painful bowel movement in the history of Earth. Boo this comic. Boo!!!

Green Arrow 1

Green Arrow fights crime while having business meetings. This is something that even Batman hasn’t mastered. He finds a team of wannabe villains who get off on taping their crimes and posting them online and takes them down. He also has a team that helps him on his missions and I assume one of them trimmed his goatee. He looks like Speedy wearing Green Arrow’s outfit. Kinda weird.

While the villains are locked up they are rescued by some dude that looks like the type of guy that doesn’t wear underwear. Yeah. You know the type. I love the splash page at the end of these guys (and dwarf, and wolf chick, and karate master) posing while the smoke clears. Seriously, if the smoke cleared and these guys were standing there like that I would crack up laughing. They don’t look threatening. Pass by a club on a Friday night. Do they scare you? Exactly.

I would have liked for this to be more of an origin story. It feels like I am jumping in the middle of something and I felt lost while reading it. Still it was an okay read but if the evil guys being used are the jump off point I am worried. Hipsters don’t scare me. Story by J.T Krul and art by the always dependable Dan Jurgens.

Superman, Swamp Thing, Batgirl, Stormwatch Issue 1

Mr. Soot in his never-ending quest to ensure that I do not see the light of day handed me a stack of new DC Comics featuring the new 52. The next series of blogs will feature more than one comic so as to not bombard you all with a dozen links. Might as well start off with the Boy Scout.

                             Superman Action Comics 1

I will be the first to admit that I am not a huge fan of Superman. My biggest complaint is that he spends so much time with all these cool powers but he doesn’t do anything unless its some massive event or invasion. With the help of Grant Morrison and Rags Morales this has been fixed! Introducing a Superman that actually does something for the little man!

The issue starts with a young and reckless Superman wearing a cape and jeans with loafers threatening to drop a dirty city employee that has people on his payroll off a balcony if he doesn’t confess. The city has heard of Superman and are afraid of him. What I like is that he isn’t taking himself too seriously.

After escaping the police and being hit with bullets and eventually a missile from a tank he makes it back to his apartment and pays rent. Meanwhile (you have no idea how hard it is for me to not say “At the Hall Of Justice!” right now…) Lex Luthor, hired by Lois Lane’s military father, is gathering footage of Superman and comparing him to various infestations that threw the eco-system off kilter.

In this version of Superman he can be hurt and still does not know the limit of his abilities. A rocket does hurt him. And a runaway train pins him against a wall where he is trapped unconscious at the end. For someone like me to say that a Superman comic is worth getting that is high praise. I have never in my life wanted to read a Superman comic (except when he died and I hoped that Batman had something to do with it). This is a fantastic start to the series.

Swamp Thing 1

I have to say that I do not know much about Swamp Thing. I saw a movie when I was little and maybe a cartoon but that’s about it. This issue is a great introduction to the character and almost immediately establishes the fact that he is a big player when Superman arrives to check in on him.

In Metropolis birds are falling from the skies. In The Batcave bats are dropping from the ceiling. In the sea fish are rotting and dying. Dr. Alan Holland, he who is Swamp Thing, knows all of this. He can feel and hear plant life and wants to ignore it. An excavation site is desecrated and a team ends up walking into a living mammoth man covered in flies that when they get in your body, uh, make your head turn around owl-style. They use very few frames to show this but I’ll be damned if it doesn’t look painful!

Back at his hotel Holland tries to sleep but is having nightmares of his “death” and transformation into Swamp Thing. He awakens in his room which is now covered with plant life. In a rage he takes the chemical that helped transform him and threatens to throw it into a lake when suddenly Swamp Thing appears and says “I wouldn’t do that if I were you.” At the very least I hoped to be interested in this comic. I am. I actually want to read a damned Swamp Thing comic. Way to go Scott Snyder and Yanick Paquette.

Batgirl 1

Quick: what do you know about Batgirl? If your answer was that she was played by that chubby girl from Clueless than I pity you. Years ago Batgirl aka Barbara Gordon aka Commissioner Gordon’s daughter was shot and paralyzed by The Joker in The Killing Joke. She is now able to walk and under the training of Batman is fighting crime.

While Batgirl is fighting crime and stopping a gang or bored teens who have been murdering families and sometimes leaving a survivor someone called The Mirror is killing people. He has a list of names and Barbara Gordon is one of them.

She moves out of her father’s home and into a new apartment with a roommate and immediately has to spring into action. One of the boys she captured is in a hospital that is being attacked by the Mirror. After arriving she comes face to face with him and he aims his gun exactly where she was shot before. And she freezes from fear. An officer screams at her “You let him kill that man. You just watched him die. Murderer!” The issue ends with her between the barrels of a psychopath and a cop.

This was a cool story and a good introduction to the Batgirl character as they managed to cover a hell of a lot in one issue. The art is kinda strange at times and I would’ve loved if they got rid of her long, loud red hair, but that’s my only complaint. Still a good first issue by Gail Simone and Adrian Syaf.

Stormwatch 1

This is my shit right here! I am a huge fan of The Authority and Stormwatch and seeing them in the DC Universe being used properly gets me pregnant. The fact that Martian Manhunter is there as well just pushes it into shart yourself territory.

The Engineer watches as the team (including Jack Hawksmoor who can manipulate cities) try and recruit Apollo to help out. He has been busy fighting small crimes and they want him to help on a universal level which he wants no part of. The people running the show didn’t even think to recruit him until a fan fiction image of him beating Superman appeared. Jenny Sparks is here as well which rules since she is a very underrated heavy hitter in comics in general.

Meanwhile the moon is growing a giant clawed hand out of its surface. Team member Harry Tanner is taken over by a giant eye in the moons center that says that it prepares weaker planets for fights or as it puts it “I am here to make your world stronger through devastation. You should be afraid.” To which Tanner replies “Oh. I think I rather am.”

After teleporting to confront Apollo once again Martian Manhunter takes on his natural form to convince him to join the team. Suddenly the entire team is unconscious and standing over them is The Midnighter. Don’t know who The Midnighter is? Oh, nobody. Just one of the coolest characters ever created. The issue ends with him saying “I’m the Midnighter. With your help I can kill every evil bastard on the planet. Interested?”

Awesome first issue and I will so be waiting for the next! There are so many places this story can go that I can barely begin to think of where it might. The addition of Martian Manhunter and the appearance of The Midnight have me so hyper. Paul Cornell and Miguel Sepulveda made characters I haven’t cared about in ten years relevant again.

Dante's Book Review: "Skulduggery Pleasant"

So one day while helping Camille out at the Graham Library I pick up this book she had told me about. She said that it was in the Juvenile section but it was awesome. Camille has awesome ass tastes when it comes to books (she gave me a “Zot” graphic novel and hooked me up with “Serena” which were stutardedly amazing) so I gave it a go. First I had to wait until she was done.

Now, I don’t wanna ruin too much of it because I really do want some of you to read it. The story is about a skeleton detective that uses magic to solves crimes. Yeah. After the death of a girls uncle she (Stephanie Edgley) she inherits his home, much to the chagrin of her greedy aunt, uncle, and cousins. Turns out her uncle was a part of an underground society of magic. Let the craziness begin!

This story wastes no time getting to the action. The author, Derek Landy, is a fantastic writer. No use of words you have to look up (Robin Cook), or terrible loose ends and plot holes (anything made by Stephen King after 1990). Also, Landy practices kempo. This shows in the action sequences. When was the last time you read a book that made it feel as if you were getting a workout? When Skulduggery Pleasant (the skeleton detective) twists someone’s arm before smashing their nose in, you feel it.

The young girl of 13 in this story, Stephanie, is actually fascinating. This isn’t a bullshit story about some lonely little girl that wants attention. This is the daughter I will never have but if I did I would want. She is strong, assertive, and clever. There is no young angst. Just a girl with a nice family that wants a bit more excitement in her life.

And boy does she get it!

She is immediately plunged into a world of magic that occurs all around us that we are unaware of. Creepy guards called Cleavers, untrustworthy but beautiful women, sorcerers, vampires, trolls, and all other manner of beasts occupy this story. I finished it quickly and Camille called me with some great news. There was another book.

Like an idiot I finished it too fast. I started it Tuesday night, barely touched it yesterday because I know how I am and will plow through 400 pages in a few hours, and finished it tonight. The second book managed to be better than the first! I didn’t think it was possible but Camille told me it was really good. I agree. How often can you read a story and so quickly fall in love with the characters? Derek Landy has made characters I would gladly read about even if there were just half the cast. Hopefully he doesn’t fall into the same trap Dean Koontz has with his “Odd Thomas” series. With those books the first two were awesome. The third was…okay (it was heavy with Koontz’s love of using people with mental handicaps and Golden Retrievers). The fourth was a huge letdown. It felt like he was just running on fumes and he’s not even done. There are more to come. Heavy sigh…

So if you get a chance, check out Derek Landy’s “Skulduggery Pleasant.” You will not be disappointed.