Vaportini Because Mouth Drinking Is Passe

Earlier this evening I found out about a new way to get drunk. No, its not through your eyeballs or asshole. Sorry to disappoint you. Its through this thing/process called a Vaportini. Its like a bong for booze because for whatever reason humans keep needing new ways to get fucked up and it is also Spanish for “I hate being upright.” I have no problem drinking, having it work its way through my system, and then making bad decisions. The company that sells this says that drinks that are 70% proof or higher is better. For example, 86% hooch has 50% alcohol which means you’ll be on your way to acting like a completely different person in no time! Seriously, who likes being themselves?

She certainly doesn't!

Vaportini is described as “5 minutes after the vessel containing the spirits is placed on the base, it is ready to consume. The recommended amount of spirits is 1 ounce. One inhales through the straw and holds their breathe for a moment and then exhales. That’s it. The effects are felt immediately because the alcohol is going directly through the bloodstream. Most people experience a relaxed and mellow feeling.”

Rosscast Episode 213: Boozehound

In this episode I try something different and stick to one topic: Drinking. I talk about stories from my drinking past and things you should and should not do while drinking. Click here to download this and other Rosscast episodes. Enjoy!

Rosscast Episode 77: I'm Drunk...

My, word! This episode is so all over the place I dont know where to begin! Its starring me and Julie as my co-host for the day. We talk about everything from "Oz", dating, bad kissers, dating etiquette, drinking, movies and spoilers, and other randomness. I get drunker as the show comes to an screechinh halt for chicken. Remember to click here to download this and older episodes. Thanks to Julie for making this one of the craziest Rosscast ever! Enjoy!

Rosscast Episode 47: I'm Not Drunk, Occifer...

In this episode I talk about the good, the bad, and the stutardedly ugly that can occure when drinking. Specifically when I, your host, Dante drinks. I also talk about the free care deal at the Forum, and why I think I have no game whatsoever when it comes to the ladies. Enjoy!

Liquor Is Quicker

I was a late bloomer in every sense of the word. I got tall late. I drank late. I smoked late. I partied late. Not that its really a bad thing. By the time I had just started drinking everyone else had been doing it by their mid teens. I started all of this at 22.

The first alcoholic drink I ever had was some strawberry champagne. It tasted horrible. I then graduated to Mike’s Hard Lemonade or Smirnoff Ice. These things have 5% alcohol and after two of them I would be lit. Yeah, I was that much of a lightweight. Next came Corona’s, Heineken’s, and Bud. The funny thing with regular ass beer is that all it does it make me have to piss a lot or horny. I had wine a few times with mixed results. Sometimes it tasted so bad it did nothing since I couldn’t finish the glass. Other times it made me so mellow and all I would do is wanna sit and ramble about life or hours. It was the verbal equivalent to my blogs. Then one day I met hard liquor.

One day at a bar, The Short Stop in Echo Park, I had been waiting forever to get a damned drink. Thankfully the bartender, an attractive chick that was always getting hit on, spotted my big Black head and asked what I wanted.

“Gin and tonic!” I shouted/mumbled as I am ought to do.

She handed it to me and I tipped her too much. Yes, I had a reputation for being very polite and tipping well without ever hitting on her. And so the gay rumors continue. Anyway, I get to a table and watch everyone dancing. At this point I had finally danced, usually with the pack of females I ran with (gay…?), but that night they were busy hooking up and had no interest dancing with their “safe” friend. I had one sip and it was like that episode of The Simpson’s where Homer eats that baking soda out of the fridge. Why had I been wasting time with beer, wine, and all that other crap? Liquor is quicker.

From that day on I would get nothing but hard drinks. Not all places made good gin and tonics so I started thinking of all the crap I heard in moves. Vodka on ice. Martini. Red Bull and vodka. And then I met my new best friend, Jack Daniels. I had that with an old pal Coke and it blew my mind! I swore by it and that’s all I would get. One day I had Bailey’s with Jaegermeister (my friend Heidi turned me on to this) and it tasted so good I forgot I was drinking two strong ass things combined. I got lit.

A while ago my lady told me about something called Bacardi 151. She said it was crazy. I was like, “Please. I do shots of vodka. Seven being the most in a sitting. One night I drank two cups of vodka, three beers, a pint of Jack, and two cups of sangria. I can handle anything!” Mind you, I threw up that night but I blame that on hearing an ex’s voice. So she buys this 151 and I took a sip and my lips burst into flames. This stuff was made with the sweat from the Devil’s taint I tell’s ya! 75% proof. One shot and you’re cool for the rest of the night.

One cool thing about my drinking is that I don’t get hangovers. Even on that night where I threw up I got home in a cab, threw up blood, and woke up fine a few hours later and ate some cereal. I ask people what hangovers are like and it sounds like my headaches in junior high. Whatever. I can handle it if it ever happens. Booze can be fun to drink but make rules for yourself. My rules are:

1. No drinking while upset.

2. No drinking after a bad day.

3. Be mindful of who you drink around.

Rockets.