Tuesday, June 7, 2016

The Spider Princess & Big Baby Part 1

There was once a young Spider Princess. Her real name isn't important. Accept that and I can continue with this horrid tale of betrayal, greed, and envy. The Spider Princess was never once a beautiful princess. There was no curse. No wicked witch being turned away one dark and stormy night vexing the bloodline. She was born a Spider Princess to a normal, lovely king and queen. There names have since been stricken from the records and we dare not speak of their whereabouts.


With a name like Spider Princess you would expect the kingdom to be dark. Covered with webs. Black, mystery goo dripping from every crevice. Screams of terror filling the halls. No. This was not the case. One would describe the kingdom as “Meh.” A modestly designed, large castle with a simple moat with a boring drawbridge that led to an okay kingdom with simple peasants. I should also point out that the kingdom had no name. Outsiders referred to it as The Dark Kingdom. The Shadowy Somber. Desolation's Keep. Tenebrous Manor. The Faint Palace. Murky Donjon. Or The Shaded Chateau.

But never to the Spider Princess' face.

The Spider Princess was not a physically imposing figure. She stood less than three pumpkins high. Weighed less than several hens. Eyes as black as the hair that held her small crown. A paper cut of a mouth that somehow held rows upon rows of sharp tiny teeth. Arms of a sapling. A ball gown for a gathering she would never be invited to that was pink on merciful days and white on others. This is to say she usually wore white. The Spider Princess was rarely merciful.

“Bring me the Unbruised” the Spider Princess spoke aloud. Her Lobes quickly left the room, whispering words that meant nothing to anyone but themselves and the Spider Princess. As they...

Right. You probably want to know what the Lobes were. Fine. The Lobes were the Spider Princess' ears you might say. Blinded young men and women whom when they reached a particular age seemed to disappear. They wore dark gray sacks with binding on their hands made of thick, brown leather. The Spider Princess spoke, they heard her, and did what she commanded. That's pretty much it. Other than that they were fairly useless. Three newer Lobes once ventured off into the moat and drowned. They would have screamed for help but the Spider Princess had not commanded it. Those are the Lobes. They're stupid.

The Lobes returned with the Unbruised. Small “t” in “the” and large “U” in “Unbruised.” The Unbruised was 23 suns and 18 moons old. It wore a shimmering blue robe with golden sandals that were cleaned hourly by the Serf. The Serf clean things in the palace. That is it. I do not have to explain it anymore thoroughly than that. They're filthy and smell of citrus. One Serf blew a speck of dust from the Unbruised's foot as it entered the throne room. I said “it” because no one is quite sure if the Unbruised is a potent or a fecund. Its hair was missing on the sides with a long strip of braid that ran down its back.

Besides the robe, which I must say matches its eyes perfectly, the Unbruised also wore a large golden chain that nearly reached its feet. Its safe to assume that the Serf clean this hourly as well. The Spider Princess watched the Unbruised enter with a look of...something in her eyes. One could never be quite sure seeing as how they were black and she had no eyebrows. The Spider Princess picked up her scepter which was as large as she and tapped the kneeling Unbruised on its shoulder lightly. Very lightly. If you blinked you'd missed it. Now the other shoulder. You see it?!

Oh, it was ever so quick.

Its called the Unbruised because it is, well, unbruised. No one, not even the Spider Princess has ever harmed the Unbruised. If I were the Unbruised and knew that no one could harm me in any way I would tell the Spider Princess a thing or three, I tell you what. Alas, the Unbruised rarely spoke to anyone nor raised its voice in anger. The most you'll get out of it is a light chuckle and that occurred when the Spider Princess tripped on a loose stone in the castle floor. The ancestors of those that built the castle were thrown into cages where they will stay until their apologies for their lineage equal the rage the Spider Princess felt that day.

Which means never. They'll never be free.

“Yes, my queen” the Unbruised said to the Spider Princess with the slightest of nods. Its chain almost touched the floor, three Serf ready to pounce on any hint of dust that may touch it.

“The Cerise region has a gift for me” the Spider Princess said. To say her voice was odd would be a disservice to the actual oddness of her voice. Imagine a very long corridor with three small girls that were speaking through knights helmets at the very end all at once. “The gift is late.”

“It appears that way” the Unbruised said. “What will you have your kingdom do in your honor?”

“I demand the appearance of Peraticus.”

The Serfs froze in place. The Lobes covered their ears. One fell to is knees and covered its not eyes. The Spider Princess slowly twirled her scepter as the Unbruised opened its mouth for a moment as if to speak but thought better of it. Even the Unbruised to had to realize that it had its limits. But Peraticus? Sending such a...thing because a late gift seemed a tad bit excessive.

“But--” one of the Lobes was foolish enough to begin saying before the Spider Princess' scepter was buried inches into its face. As soon as its body hit the floor Serfs began cleaning the scepter and spilled blood on the floor. The Spider Princess eyed everyone in the room, waiting to see if anyone else wanted to speak against her.

“Where is Peraticus?” the Spider Princess asked. The Lobes looked at one another and began whispering. The Spider Queen held her hand out as a Serf handed her scepter back. She inspected it and nodded. “Unbruised, find him. Bring him to me. Now.”

“Yes, my queen” the Unbruised replied. As the Unbruised turned to leave if you had looked you would have seen the tiniest expression of nervousness on its face. The Serf followed silently hoping that the Unbruised would not ask them to accompany it. “You are coming with me” the Unbruised told them. “All of you.”

“Do that thing I enjoy” the Spider Princess told the Lobes. Their heads all dropped before taking deep breaths and slapping each other about the head and shoulders while the Spider Princess watched.  

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