Kids These Days 51

Every time I see a story like this one I think of how different I would look if I tried this shit with my parents. A 13 year old kid in Dayton, Ohio which is in a death race to be as strange as Florida got upset when his mother took his cell phone away when he didn't want to clean up his room. 

First this kid spit on his mother then threw a Gatorade bottle at his stepfather because you're not my real dad! Thankfully this didn't happen in the 80's when them shits was made of heavy, thick glass. We'd be talking about murder. Then he went outside and saw the family 2001 Honda Accord and I guess it looked at him funny because he jumped on the roof of it and smashed in its windshield. The damage was about $1,000 and he was charged with assault and vandalism. No matter how mad I got at my parents growing up I never tried to hit them. Know why? They knew were I slept and Black people have long memories and short tempers.

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City's Citizens Shitty Situation

Some people are into things that most of us find boring, dangerous , or terrible. This one is just gross. A man from Akron, Ohio that is known as the Bowel Movement Bandit is being searched for by police after his chocolate reign of terror. Yes. I just came up with that. For the past three years someone has been dropping mad deuces on cars and even the toys of children left outside. 

Police say that he has done this on at least nineteen cars. Neighbors began blaming one another and families turned on each other. One father is quoted as saying “I was questioning my son: Who do you have mad at you? People were pointing fingers all over the place.” Sick of having everything treated like a toilet someone set up a camera that took a picture every 12 seconds. This person had their car crapped on eight times since the fall. After a few days of no results this image was taken showing the guy looking very surprised to be interrupted. No one wants to be photoed dooking. Lt. Rick Edwards said “The photo shows this guy bent over on the hood, pants to ankles defecating on the car. We need to know who this person is.” You know that someone has seen this and knows who it is. They woke up and saw an article online and said “Oh, my god. That's Ron. Shitting.” I wanna known who came up with the nickname for this freak. 

Granny's Joke Doesn't Go Over Well

How can I sit here and talk about how dumb young folks are for taking pictures of everything and then posting it online and getting in trouble when grannies are doing the same damn thing? Jackie Sheaks of Columbus, Ohio got a little visit from the sheriff's and Child Protective Services after she posted some pictures of her granddaughter in a pan and another one with some duct tape on her pacifier. She thought she was being funny because as we all know there's nothing funnier than mild child abuse. “We're not horrible people that they are making us out to me. It started as just a joke; we put a little tape on the pacifier because we were being silly. We wanted to share it with friends because everybody that knows us, knows we play around like that.” Ha. The law found out after her Facebook friends reported her dumb ass. I love how everyone thinks that every single person on their Facebook page is their friend. Not only should you not be taking pictures of your grandchild being placed in cookware and/or with duct tape on their face, you shouldn't be taking pictures of it, you goddamned weirdo.  

Dying From Caffeine

There are some things that people do that just confuse me completely. Having more than three kids. Running up massive amounts of cash on credit cards. And letting yourself get over 300lbs. Now I can add powdered caffeine to this list. Recently an 18 year old kid from Ohio named Logan Stiner overdosed on caffeine and died. This isn’t like that last story I did where that girl died from too many energy drinks. This was straight up caffeine. White girl. Phyllis Hyman. Booger sugar. Nose candy. Yeyo. Destiny’s Child. White lines. Billy Ocean. Happy dust. Lady Gaga. Sorry. Wrong drug. Either way this shit is available and I had no idea which is good because chances are I would have been mainlining this years ago.

After an autopsy was done Stiner had over 70 micrograms per milliliter of caffeine in his blood which is said to be 23 times the amount of someone who regularly drinks coffee and soda. His mother said that she didn’t know her son was taking the stuff which is sold as a dietary supplement. When added to drinks it works like regular ass caffeine times too much. It helps control weight gain...by killing you. 1/16th of a teaspoon is as much as two cups of coffee and I’m sorry but no one needs to be that awake. There are people watching over world leaders who aren’t that damned alert.

“The difference between a safe amount and a lethal dose of caffeine in these powdered products is very small” FDA spokeswoman Jennifer Dooren said. Some doctors are saying that they have seen an increase of hospital visits from younger people who have taken this. Dr. Henry Spiller of Nationwide Children’s Hospital in Columbus, Ohio said that they have gotten three cases in a week. “I can't believe you can buy this. Honestly, I mean, it's frightening. It makes no sense to me.”

Old Dick Forced To Stand On Corner

There are some people on the planet that just make me wish I had some kinda portable “This is Sparta!” hole to kick them into. This guy in Ohio, 62 year old Edmond Aviv was forced by a judge to holdup a sign while sitting on the corner. The sign says “I AM A BULLY! I pick on children that are disabled, and I am intolerant of those that are different from myself. My actions do not reflect an appreciation for the diverse South Euclid community that I live in.” He had to do this because his neighbor has a husband that has dementia and a bunch of disabled kids that she takes care of. This is that whole public shaming thing that is being tried out more and more.

He called the neighbor lady Sandra Prugh a “Monkey Mama” while she was holding her adopted disabled child that was Black and because when you feel the need to be a bionic dick you don't just stick the tip in he also smeared dog shit on the wheelchair ramp. This went on for 15 years which is about 14 years and 364 days longer than it would've if he was my neighbor.

Rosscast Episode 295: And Now For Something Completely Different

In this bootleg ass episode run off my small laptop I talk about waking up too early, cell phones, my busted laptop, a janky ass Florida car jacking story, and a hazing where a guy lost ones of his nuts. Click here for this and previous Rosscast Shows.

Too Fat For Execution

Some dude is too fat for execution. I heard about this one other time when some guy was super fat and he was supposed to be hanged and they were like “His head will detach from his fat body!” I don’t recall what ended up happening. Maybe they hung him by his ankles. Whatever. This guy Ronald Post who was sentenced to death in Ohio 29 years ago for shooting and killing a hotel clerk is too huge for lethal injection. So when I was running around watching He-Man he was killing folks. Yes, I know I was watching He-Man last week. Shut up.

His lawyers say that it would cause this man of 480 motherfucking pounds “…serious physical and psychological pain.” Know what would fix that? Death. Just push him down some stairs. He was supposed to be killed by lethal injection next year but they are having trouble finding a vein in his fat body. I know a lot of people out there hate the death penalty and have strong arguments against it. But then someone like me comes along with a sensibility that borders on Megatron’s and is two bad days away from anarchy. “But there are innocent people on death row!” you shout to which I reply “Stop yelling at me!” 

Step 4. is rubber cement.

Looking at that chart and all the stuff that is involved in executions makes my taint itch. Its just too much to just kill someone who is a killer. I almost died eating an ice cube in high school. Frozen water, not the rapper. It doesn’t involve multiple injections and heart monitoring and shit. Some people are saying he should be shot and I disagree. Guns are loud and there’s already too much violence in the world. So yeah. Kill him already!