Dying From Caffeine

There are some things that people do that just confuse me completely. Having more than three kids. Running up massive amounts of cash on credit cards. And letting yourself get over 300lbs. Now I can add powdered caffeine to this list. Recently an 18 year old kid from Ohio named Logan Stiner overdosed on caffeine and died. This isn’t like that last story I did where that girl died from too many energy drinks. This was straight up caffeine. White girl. Phyllis Hyman. Booger sugar. Nose candy. Yeyo. Destiny’s Child. White lines. Billy Ocean. Happy dust. Lady Gaga. Sorry. Wrong drug. Either way this shit is available and I had no idea which is good because chances are I would have been mainlining this years ago.

After an autopsy was done Stiner had over 70 micrograms per milliliter of caffeine in his blood which is said to be 23 times the amount of someone who regularly drinks coffee and soda. His mother said that she didn’t know her son was taking the stuff which is sold as a dietary supplement. When added to drinks it works like regular ass caffeine times too much. It helps control weight gain...by killing you. 1/16th of a teaspoon is as much as two cups of coffee and I’m sorry but no one needs to be that awake. There are people watching over world leaders who aren’t that damned alert.

“The difference between a safe amount and a lethal dose of caffeine in these powdered products is very small” FDA spokeswoman Jennifer Dooren said. Some doctors are saying that they have seen an increase of hospital visits from younger people who have taken this. Dr. Henry Spiller of Nationwide Children’s Hospital in Columbus, Ohio said that they have gotten three cases in a week. “I can't believe you can buy this. Honestly, I mean, it's frightening. It makes no sense to me.”

Some of the side effects of this can be the brain acting like everything is good. You’re alert and ready to knock over buildings with your energy dick. Next thing you know you’re agitated, confused, your heartbeat becomes irregular, you vomit, and then you might have a seizure. It sounds like sex I had a few years back. About three weeks before Stiner died the school superintendent says they had an assembly about heroin overdoses and painkillers. “We were addressing things we thought we should be addressing.” And that’s the best they can do. Know why? Because kids like to get fucked up.

It has to be hard to try and tell your kids not to take drugs when so many adults are doing it or getting drunk. Maybe both. But this stuff doesn’t stick with kids because they feel like it can’t happen to them. Stiner was healthy, on the wrestling team, prom king, and had plans to go to college. I doubt he ever thought that he would be taken out by a powder used for weight control and energy. You can get 100 grams of this shit for $12 which is equal to 385 tall servings of Starbucks coffee. That sounds like an incredible deal minus the dying because no one is quite sure how much to take part. I am pretty sure if people were being honest a lot of people Logan knew have and are still using caffeine powder for sports or staying awake. Parents can ask their kids if they are doing this but kids lie about shit all the time. They won’t own up to this. You can only hope they aren’t doing it.