Old School Cereals

Cam sent me this Yahoo article about these old cereals that they wish would come back. Now, my parents will never win an award for best parent of the year, but they were good at getting cereal that was full of sugar that lasted for a few months or until the movie came out or the cartoon was canceled. The sad thing is that I've eaten every one of these cereals on the list.

I've decided that I'll show all the ones they've listed and give my take on whether or not they need to be brought back because they're a few that tasted like complete ass. Let's begin!

Dunkin' Donuts

I can vaguely recollect this one but as soon as I saw the box I thought “Oh, I remember this!” What I remember mostly is that they were hard and that there is absolutely nothing Dunkin' Donuts anywhere near me. Should they bring it back? Not really. Particularly because I cant even tell you if it was good or not.

Kids These Days 6

Kids are fat. I know this is supposed to be this terrible thing but I like it. When the zombies finally attack I’m gonna need them chubby little bastards to use as snacks for the hordes that will surely lay waste upon our society. People McNuggets if you will. I don’t know if you know it or not but they don’t have real cereal commercials anymore. You may see the Cheerio’s Bee buzzing around but he’s bee-ing (see what I did there) all helpful. He’s not pimping cereal anymore towards children. Its all about being healthy and helping mothers who don’t want to cook breakfast every goddamn morning for their kids.

You remember those commercials where the kid would get a full breakfast? I’m not talking about cereal, a glass of milk (which is redundant), and a glass of juice. Possibly a banana or apple. No, these breakfasts had cereal, toast, bacon, eggs, juice, milk, and fruit. Holy shit! Could you imagine what the fuck that would do to your body if you had that every morning?!

Rosscast Episode 151: Just Beat It!

Rosscast Episode 151

The Rosscast

In this episode I talk about chicks being asked to be like porn stars, beating off habits, regular TV sucking ass, Count Chocula being amazing, the great show The Wire, earthquakes in Los Angeles being better than any other natural disaster, eating a real mango for the first time, having great friends in your life, Jesse James entering sex rehab, and the pros of being breastfed. Click here to download this show or click here to download and subscribe through iTunes. Enjoy!

Rosscast Episode 13: Molest Me, Too!

In this episode I discuss horny teachers, sugary cereal, bad clothes, spoiled kids, and a couple of the reasons kids today have it better than I did. Enjoy!

Honey Rings (Not A Sex Toy)

So earlier this week I went to the 99 Cent store with my sister Cam. While we were there I saw some cereal called Honey Rings. They look like Cheerios’s but shiny and huge. I told her “I hope these taste like Honey Bunches of O’s!” If you have never had that cereal you have no idea what you’re missing.

I pour the Honey Rings into the bowl and am shocked by how skinny and small they are. They look nothing like on the box. Either way I doubt they will taste horrible like Grape Nuts (which contain neither grapes nor nuts). Here goes nothing.

I sat for a moment and looked at these things wondering why they were shiny. Like, did little elves polish these things? I see they were made by a company called “Pampas” and wondered what that means. Apparently its some place in Argentina or something. So far to go just to end up costing less than a buck.

I taste this and my mind gets blown. I start having flashbacks and cant figure out why yet. “This doesn’t look like it should taste like this” I thought to myself.

Where in the hell did I taste this before?! This is the same feeling I had when I sniffed my glasses case in junior high. It drove me crazy until I figured out that it smelled like my old ass Mr. Potato Head toy. This tastes like something I had years ago and if I don’t figure out what that was I will surely snap. Not screaming crazy nuts but walking down Sunset Blvd. in my draws nuts.

I’ve got it! It tastes like fucking Swedish Chef cereal! Why in the fuck does this taste like Swedish Chef cereal? That cereal didn’t last all that long but tasted awesome. I stand triumphant knowing that I have averted my eventual insanity for another day. Take that, God!

Now I’m confused. Yeah, it tastes good but the fact that it tastes like something that I haven’t had in 21 years disturbs me. Was the formula just sitting around somewhere? Is Swedish Chef cereal still being made in South America? How about Krispy Kritters, Mr. T Cereal, or Rice Krispies with marshmellows?

Either way, if you happen upon this stuff buy it. If you want a flashback and great taste get your mitts on this stuff. It’ll make you feel good. And it wont make you rush to the bathroom Raison Bran. I swear I thought there were two A’s in raison…

Rockets.