Friday, April 3, 2009

Honey Rings (Not A Sex Toy)

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So earlier this week I went to the 99 Cent store with my sister Cam. While we were there I saw some cereal called Honey Rings. They look like Cheerios’s but shiny and huge. I told her “I hope these taste like Honey Bunches of O’s!” If you have never had that cereal you have no idea what you’re missing.
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I pour the Honey Rings into the bowl and am shocked by how skinny and small they are. They look nothing like on the box. Either way I doubt they will taste horrible like Grape Nuts (which contain neither grapes nor nuts). Here goes nothing.
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I sat for a moment and looked at these things wondering why they were shiny. Like, did little elves polish these things? I see they were made by a company called “Pampas” and wondered what that means. Apparently its some place in Argentina or something. So far to go just to end up costing less than a buck.
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I taste this and my mind gets blown. I start having flashbacks and cant figure out why yet. “This doesn’t look like it should taste like this” I thought to myself.
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Where in the hell did I taste this before?! This is the same feeling I had when I sniffed my glasses case in junior high. It drove me crazy until I figured out that it smelled like my old ass Mr. Potato Head toy. This tastes like something I had years ago and if I don’t figure out what that was I will surely snap. Not screaming crazy nuts but walking down Sunset Blvd. in my draws nuts.
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I’ve got it! It tastes like fucking Swedish Chef cereal! Why in the fuck does this taste like Swedish Chef cereal? That cereal didn’t last all that long but tasted awesome. I stand triumphant knowing that I have averted my eventual insanity for another day. Take that, God!
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Now I’m confused. Yeah, it tastes good but the fact that it tastes like something that I haven’t had in 21 years disturbs me. Was the formula just sitting around somewhere? Is Swedish Chef cereal still being made in South America? How about Krispy Kritters, Mr. T Cereal, or Rice Krispies with marshmellows?
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Either way, if you happen upon this stuff buy it. If you want a flashback and great taste get your mitts on this stuff. It’ll make you feel good. And it wont make you rush to the bathroom Raison Bran. I swear I thought there were two A’s in raison…

Rockets.

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