“And there appeared another wonder in heaven; and behold a great red dragon, having seven heads and ten horns, and seven crowns upon his heads.” (Revelation 12:3)
That's right. Motherfucking dragons. In Revelations there is a point where a seven headed dragon shows up and starts wrecking shit. I know that they show up at the end of the world and its supposed to be an orgy of blood, fire, and death. Religious people get hard when preachers start talking about that kind of stuff. Me? I just want to see a dragon. I don't care that the world is falling apart and demons are running around bitch slapping toddlers because they haven't been saved. I need to see a dragon in my lifetime.
What is the worst that can happen if dragons are real? It turns out that all the believers were right? Good for them. I get to repent, say I believe in Jesus, and I'm just as safe as the rest of you maroons that have devoted your life to him. Isn't that an awesome loophole? “Man, there's no heaven or hell! What a crock of sh--oh, shit! Demons?! Is that Jesus...? Yep. Sure is. Oh, no here come the dragons! Did I say 'Oh, no'? I meant fuck, yes! There are dragons and I believe in Christ!” Done. I got to see a fire breathing beast that I have been told doesn't exist and I get to kick it in heaven doing god knows what. I'd make the angels sick of me in a few hours talking about dragons. “Are there different colored dragons? Do any of them breathe ice? Where do the dragons sleep? Can I have a dragon? Why cant I have a dragon? Hey, where are you taking me? Why is it so hot all of a sudden?”
The idea of dragons being real gets me, a grown ass man, far more excited than perhaps I should be. But I don’t care. We’ve already found out that Bigfoot is fake, unicorns never existed, and dinosaurs probably had feathers. I need dragons to exist at the risk of the fate of this planet. Then I read the next line, Revelation 12:4.
“The dragon stood in front of the woman who was about to give birth, so that it might devour her child the moment he was born.”
Well…shit.
5 comments:
I just noticed this blog mentioned at the bottom of your food blog! (I have a whiskey hangover and am hungry. I can't eat so am reading about food including your blog and the smell of someone cooking an Irish breakfast somewhere nearby is driving me CRAZY). And now I can't remember what point I was going to make. Okay.
Anyhoo...dragons. I like dragons. In ancient Ireland they were known as ollpheist, or Great Worms, which is not that scary til you see what a some worms look like close up (http://inspirationgreen.com/assets/images/Photography/FEI%20Microscope/Crassous_worm.jpg). Mmm. I just like the cool medieval type popularised by Disney and LOVED How to Train Your Dragon a few years ago, all the cool dragons! The design guys must have had a ball coming up with all those.
I'm okay with dinosaurs having feathers. I see and hear some scary-ass seagulls on a regular basis, I'm perfectly capable of finding a feathered dinosaur terrifying.
As for the Bible, fuck that. I'm too headachey and cross and tired to be respectful of the beliefs of others right now. The Bible is a fantasy series cobbled together over centuries by dozens of writers all of whom were under the delusion of being either the voice or the right hand of God, that is to say, nutjobs. It contains some great basic instructions for living according to universal human values but it is largely bollocks. BOLLOCKS says I. Fuck the Bible.
*goes in search of headache tablets*
I love that instead of eating you are just looking at pictures of food I post.
Oolpheist sounds awesome! How To Train Your Dragon was an awesome ass film. It made me want one even more. There were kids leaving the theater depressed knowing that they would never have one. I still believe I will. Two friends have compared me to the Night Fury. Apparently I behave like a large cat.
Dinosaurs with feathers just upsets me. Picturing a brontosaurus or T-Rex walking around shedding feathers when startled kills my childhood.
The bible could be an awesome template for people to live by, but yeah, a lot of people just fuck others over by using it as their shield. I have read it and even as a normal book its not very interesting. If it were printed today as a new novel people would be pissed. Plot holes, shaky writing, and an ending that would make Stephen King go "Okay, this is a bit excessive." Thank you for your tirade. This is exactly what this blog is for!
Oh God. I am never drinking whiskey again.
What IS in that big bag of nonsense in the photo anyhow?
That is the dreaded seven headed dragon! Grr.
I totally read that wrong. That is one of those old things people use to pick up giant ice cubes. It will make an appearance in my Doom Mates film. It is heavy as hell.
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