Kids These Days 12

Oh, kids! They’re so funny today what with their giving themselves chemical burns for fun, doing drugs that drive them temporarily insane until they smash their faces into the ground, and breastfeeding. Wait. What?! Yes, that is a thing. Allow mw to introduce/horrify you with the Breastmilk Baby Doll! I don’t know about you, but I have always been concerned with the fact that little girls weren’t learning to breastfeed early enough.

I...I cant.

You should see this creepy thing in action. I say keep it away from teen boys because they will be using it for all the wrong reasons. Oh, shut up! You know you were thinking it, too! Anyhoot, some company in Spain, surprisingly not Germany, decided that little girls needed to know what it was like to have their fun bags suckled.

Dennis Lewis, the U.S. representative for Berjuan Toys said “We’ve had a lot of support from lots of breastfeeding organizations, lots of mothers, lots of educators. There also has been a lot of blowback from people who maybe haven't thought to think about really why the doll is there and what its purpose is. Usually they are people that either have problems with breastfeeding in general, or they see it as something sexual.” Yeah. We should never think of breasts sexually…

Ever.

Remember back in the day like a few years ago when Salma Hayek gave that little baby some of what millions of men have wanted? I do. That image will be burned into my mind for the rest of my life. That kid won everything and didn’t even know it.

+ 40 Life Points Achieved! Proceed to next level!

I know that there is a hungry ass kid from Sierra Leone in that picture. I know this. But I don’t care. Because there are boobs there. That belong to Salma Hayek. That kid could’ve bene on fire and I wouldn’t have noticed unless it blocked Salma Hayek’s boobs in which case I would’ve screamed “Get that boob blocking kid out of here!” I know that breasts aren’t just for fun but you ladies aren’t helping by making them look so damned touchable. Anyway, this isn’t about that. This is about rushing little girls into adulthood. Let them play a while longer before we start throwing childrearing in their faces! But seriously. Salma Hayek.

"I got this."

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