Damn You Monopoly!

I hate when there are votes that I don’t know about. I had heard tale of Monopoly adding a new game piece. I own the game and ever since I was little the iron has always been my favorite piece. While folks would fight over the dog or the racecar (which creeps me out since its spelled the same backwards and forwards) I’d grab my little iron and be content. Irons rule. But thousands of you assholes don’t agree and chose to replace it with a goddamn cat. A cat!

"Meow! I suck! I'll eat you when you die! Meow!

If cats were people you would have nothing to do with them. Ever. Cats are a human version of a hot chick in the club that goes just to be treated to free shit and looked at but not touched or spoken to unless they want it. When you look at all the other options that were available the cat is the worse one. There’s a helicopter, a ring, a guitar, and a robot. A robot loss to a cat?! What planet am I living on where this is a thing?!

Beep! Blorp! Bullshit!

I will always cherish my little iron. You can all keep your new punkass cat by purchasing your eighth version of Monopoly. I hope whoever voted to have the cat replace the iron chokes on it. What about the other lame ass game pieces? A thimble? You wanted to keep the thimble? Do you even know what a thimble is for? Or the wheelbarrow. How about 86-ing that? A wheelbarrow is a sex move, not a game piece. I’m gonna make my own game where every piece is involved with the ironing process. An ironing board, starch, and articles of clothing. They even kept the hobo boot for gods sake!