He Likes Very...Very Old Women

I heard about this story of a 31 year old guy named Kyle Jones who lives in Pittsburgh that is into older women. That's cool. Older women need some loving, too. But then I saw that he was having sex with women as old as 91 like Marjorie McCool and I shivered. Then I watched a video of them kissing and made a face. I don't know what face I made but it hurt my lips and ears. It turns out that I'm an ageist. I don't have a problem if he was boning Helen Mirren who is my template for hot ass old ladies. I'd be jealous but I'd be fine because I'll never meet this woman. But having sex with someone 60 years older than you at any age seems nasty. They have been seeing each other for five years which is longer than any relationship I've ever had.

Probably because he fucks other old ladies on the side. Kyle said “Everyone's brain is wired differently, some guys prefer blondes, some brunettes, some like other guys. I like old ladies.” His age range that he goes for is between 60 and 80 years old. He finds them online and chats with them before knocking the dust off. “Whenever I'm trying to speak to an older woman, the first reaction I get is 'you're way too young'. I find persistence is good so I tell them it'll be fun.” Translation: “I got more time to waste pursuing this than you.” He says that he sees about five women at a time which I gather ends up being over 300 years worth of vajayjay at a time. This country isn't even that old.

Kyle met Marjorie when she was working at a bookstore which is sad. You shouldn't be 86 years old and working at anything. She had been single for longer than I've been alive and has six children ages 71, 63, 61, 52 and 50. “In the beginning I got jealous of his other women but he keeps coming back to me and tells me I'm the best” she said likely making the other women he dates jealous. “The physical side of our relationship is wonderful. I amaze myself, he amazes me. There's nothing better. I wear sexy outfits to bed. I try to keep my bra on though because I don't have much left. My family consists mostly of boys, and they don't really care. What I do is my business. When people see us out together they probably think that he's my son, or maybe even a grandson. I have grandsons older.”

She didn't need to say that and I didn't need to post this.

I'm not even kinda close with my mother and if she started dating a dude younger than me I would be skeeved right the fuck out! My brother was dating a chick a year younger than me before he passed away and I wouldn't stop making fun of him for that. If my mother was like “My new boyfriend is 29 years old!” I would find him and beat him until you couldn't tell what race he was. Why? I don't know. That's some old caveman gorilla shit in my genetics. But Marjorie's sons are too old to be fighting anyone anyway.

“Often, the things women are so self-conscious about is what I'm into. I like the neck lines and wrinkles. Women worry about their boobs sagging but I think the natural hang looks great. I'm really not a fan of plastic surgery. I don't like to say gray, I'm a fan of platinum hair. I prefer it natural.” This I can agree with. Women worry about a lot of shit physically that if a guy is into you doesn't really care about. If you complain about how fat you are he doesn't care until you break up or get into a fight. Otherwise just be happy he is into bigger women.

People have accused Kyle of dating these women for money or gifts which is a normal thing people think of when someone, particularly women, date someone years older than them. “The most common criticism I hear is 'you're after money’ or 'you're after inheritance'. But it's not true at all. I do this because I like it and they like it too. I've dated women from various ends of the financial spectrum, but it's never about what they have.” What he is saying is that he is in it for the sex. He has even said that he knows that he can't have a long relationship with these women because they can drop dead at any moment. This is true for any age but when you are having sex with old folks that shit is like dancing on a minefield. That sounds scary. Is she moaning because I am hitting it well...or is she dying? That is not a question I need to ask and also why I don't watch much Asian porn. Them women sound like they are being murdered and that is not hot to me.

Kyle's mother, 50 year old Ceceila Jones Clark, thought that her son's nonsense wouldn't last. “I think a lot of children have crushes on their teachers, so it didn’t strike me as strange. I really wasn't sure if that was something that he was going to stay with or if it was just a cougar phase some young men go through. However, later when I saw the kind of women he was spending time with I knew it wasn't a phase.” In case you are wondering, women older than cougars are called snow leopards. She is far more mature than I am. And hot. Kyle's mom is hot. She's only 15 years older than me so it isn't too strange.

That hand is too close to mama's ass...

This is a fetish. I know that some people have preferences. They prefer a chick with a certain hair color more than others but will still date outside of that. I prefer a woman can cook but have dated women that used ovens to keep extra dishes in because that stove will never be hot. There is nothing in his interviews that says he sees women even kinda close to his age. Don't think that when I watch porn I don't work down categories. Old women is not one of them though. That's his fetish.

fetish: “a form of sexual desire in which gratification is linked to an abnormal degree to a particular object, item of clothing, part of the body, etc.” Clothing wise I know what I am into (red draws, plaid skirts, shirts that don't fit) and which ones turn me right the fuck off (Ugg boots, false flesh dresses). These are fetishes. Can you be in love if it is considered a fetish?

This is how the plaid skirt one got started.

Maybe I'm making too much of Kyle and Marjorie's relationship as well as the one he is having with a few other old ladies. She is getting it in with no fear of pregnancy. Maybe an STD because he's fucking a lot of people at once and you know he isn't using protection. Kyle and these older women should just have fun until they can't have anymore. Which should be in a few months or so. Yeah. I'm a dick. This guy gets far more action than I ever have. Maybe I've been aiming too low in terms of age. There are about six retirements homes near me. Time to volunteer!