Wangs And Thangs

Today I got two stories with men using vegetables as excuses to show their penises. 77 year old Luis Gonzaga (that isn't him in the picture) of Florida was arrested at the Volusia County Fairgrounds after whipping his dick out. This was around 9:30am which is way too early for that kinda bullshit. A lady says she saw him with his wrinkled old junk out then covered it back up with a plastic bag and then whip it out again after getting in line behind a lady. The lady said she felt something touching her ass a couple of times “what she assumed was a bag of produce” when the lady who saw Gonzaga told her what was going on. He tried to escape but was stopped until cops showed up. He was charged with lewd/lascivious exhibition, battery, and indecent exposure. He says he couldn't have done it because he's impotent. Dude, that won't keep you from being able to rub it on chicks. He's just gross and old.

Next up is 49 year old Fredrick Tennyson Davis of Toronto who was being nasty in a library. I know a few librarians and people who have worked in bookstores and something about paper makes people act like perverts. Back in April he was busted with his dick in one hand and a cucumber in the other. He got away but decided enough time had passed so he tried it again. An employee recognized him because honestly, how many people walk into libraries holding a cucumber? When police asked if he had threatened anyone they said “I don't think he had any free hands to make any threat.” Zing! He was charged with one indecency count and two for failure to comply with probation. I wonder what the cucumber was for. Was it being used a a distraction? Either way, ew, to you, sir. Ew.