The Seven People You Meet Around New Years

It is almost a new year and when the New Year's comes people get weird as fuck. That is why I have written The Seven People You Meet Around New Years. This is a quick guide to recognizing who is around you at this time of year and you may find yourself in one of these. You probably will. Not me though. Why? Because I'm the greatest man that ever lived and a goddamn national treasure that needs to be respected as such, that's why. Stop asking so many questions. And I stay home. On New Year's I have been to churches, raves, parties, in the streets, and just stayed my Black ass at home. I prefer the last one because I will not bump into any of the things on my list. But if anyone wants to swing on over for a free mustache ride...

Five Things I Learned In 2012

Its now 2013 and you either woke up hungover, still drunk, regretful, or full of hope for this new year. Me, I was ironing my friends clothes and watching Dusk Til’ Dawn while listening to the drunks at the gay bar scream their heads off. Still, I wouldn’t have traded it in for anything else…except for boning or something. But that’s a given.

Each New Year’s for the past few years I have told myself that I will not make resolutions. I stopped making them up because shit either needs to get done or it doesn’t and I don’t wanna wait until I need a new calendar year to do it. Last year I surpassed a few things on my list of things that needed to be done such as grow an afro, lose weight, stay away from my family, and be more creative with my writing and learning new shit. I decided to write down Five Things I Learned In 2012 mostly because if I am alive next year this will be interesting to read and hopefully you random ass folks will like it too.

Dante Hates New Years Day

Oh, New Years. Everyone fears it and loves it at the same time. No one wants to be alone on when that monkey ass clock strikes midnight. I have never had two of the damn things be the same since I’ve moved out of my parents home. That means that I have had the opportunity to have about fourteen different ways to have the night suck ass. My plan has always been to be drunk, making out with someone, or both. Rarely is it the case where I have these occur. Not even at a gathering of thousands where there are drugs everywhere. This is one about a rave.

Rosscast Episode 210: Ignit Mofos

In this episode I talk about how I spent my New Year’s, introduce a new Ignit Mofo segment, talk about expensive ass fish, a chick stabbing her boyfriend over his Facebook, Obama wearing shorts, and I whore my food blog and me and Alex’s blog. Oh, and I talk about my first kiss. Truly a sad tale. Click here to download this and older Rosscast. Enjoy!

Rosscast Episode 209: New Year's Evolution

In this end of the year episode I talk about my week, a show no one will ever hear I recorded, hanging with friends, my diet, a woman who attacked a cop with a dildo, a guy who shot his wife during sex, and guy who got hit by a car playing real life “Frogger”, and my lack of resolutions. Click here to download this and older episodes of the Rosscast. Enjoy!

New Obsession

Once again my goofy ass is getting obsessed with famous people. You all may recall my Celebrity Spank Bank parts 1 and 2. I be liking famous people for no damned reason. Well, besides the fact they’re hot. This time I decided to write about three chicks from three very different walks of life. One is a singer, the other an actress, and the last a porn star. Somebody pray for me. Or not. Whatever

Pink

I’m not a huge fan of her music but I do like watching her videos and looking at pictures of her. She’s fucking cute. I do like her song “So What” and that video for the video “Stupid Girl.” The first time I even looked at her and my pants got tight was when I saw “Lady Marmalade.” I was like, “Whoa. When the hell did Pink get that cute?” Caught me totally off guard. Anyway, Pink is fucking cute (yes, fucking cute is a good thing) and I’m trying to find as many pictures of her online as I can.

Vanessa Ferlito

This chick was in “Death Proof” which I have yet to see. I saw her recently in “25th Hour.” I know there have been other things I’ve seen her in but can never remember but refuse to look her up online for more information. She is cute in the same way Fairuza Balk is. Its this certain look she has that makes me warm for her form.

Pinky

This is the porn star. I have been finding a lot of movies with her. Movies. Hell. Scenes. I have seen quite a few scenes with her in recent weeks and I’ll be damned if she doesn’t have a perfect body (for me). I know my friend Alex would die if she hit on him while I would scream like a little girl and do a dance that would hurt the world’s feelings. And she looks nice. Like, personality wise. She doesn’t look bitchy. A lot of porn stars tend to look like they’d be mean f you met them. Pinky doesn’t. And she has the kind of thighs I would flip vehicles over for.

Rosscast Episode 109: The Drunk New Year's Show!

In this drunk ass episode the first half is my countdown to the New Year. I forget what I talked about. But the second half after a kick ass song is me talking about whore toothbrushes, crazy math, relationships, and what it means to be terribly intrigued by someone. Click here to download this and older Rosscast shows. Enjoy!

Rosscast Episode 108: A Year Of Fail!

This is the end of this stank ass year and I made sure to give you a little bit extra Dante! In this I answer some listener questions, talk about the best and worst movies, music, moments, and surprises of the year. Click here to download this and older Rosscast shows. Enjoy and thank you all for making this year and my show so damn fun to do!