Dante Learns New Black History: Ida Bell Wells

Today I am gonna write about Ida Bell Wells-Barnett. What I will write is just a taste of her life. This lady did more before she died than I will accomplish if you gave me three more runs at the nonsense I have called my life. Source: me. She was born in Holly Springs, Mississippi on July 16th, 1862. Yeesh. I hear 18-anything and shudder. Her father was born a slave to his father who hired him out as a slave throughout town. Her mother was sold away from her own family and was never able to locate them. And don't forget, since her father was a slave Ida was also a slave. She was later “freed” after the signing of the Emancipation Proclamation. By the time she was 16 she had lost her parents and her brother because of the yellow fever. God, every time I do one of these posts I feel both miserable and happy that people existed and exist these days that did so much good shit even though their lives whomped. She took care of her other brothers and sisters while working as a teacher living with her grandmother. Ida was also one of the founding members of the NAACP which some say is debatable.

In 1884 she filed a lawsuit against a train car company for unfair treatment. She won the case but federally they were like “Nah.” Ida wrote about lynchings in America which did not make people happy. She pointed out how it was aimed towards Blacks when it was feared that they were doing well. So of course they ended up burning her newspaper office down. She brought this up after one of her friends was lynched by a mob. She traveled the world telling about how America was lynching the fuck out of Black people. She also spoke about White women that sat by ignoring the lynchings. They didn't like that. She was fighting for Black rights and the rights of women but each of those groups had issues with her. She created the NACWC (National Association of Colored Women's Club) that dealt with civil rights issues and issues for women. I hope theme music played whenever this lady entered the room. I would imagine Rock Steady by Aretha Franklin.

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Dante Learns New Black History: Cathay Williams

It is time to play catch up because it is already the 4th day of Black History Month and my ass haven't posted in days. Today I heard about this lady named Cathay Williams who was born in September 1844. She was the first Black woman to enlist in the United States Army...as a man! That's right! She used the name William Cathay. Surprise, y'all! She was born in Independence, Missouri to a father that was free and a mother that was a slave. Which means that she was a slave. Isn't it fucked up how that works? While working as a slave in Jefferson City the Union forces would straight up claim Black folk as contraband and and force them to help support the military as nurses and cooks.

Women were not allowed to serve in the military so Cathay used a fake name and served for three years. She passed a medical examination which makes me wonder what these consisted of. Probably made sure you could hold a weapon or lift something kinda heavy. It is said only two people knew she was a lady: a friend and a cousin. Y'all be sleeping on how loyal cousins are! Keep your brothers and sisters. Cousins are the shit. After her enlistment she got smallpox and then joined her unit. She started getting sick more often and after having surgery the doctor discovered that Cathay was a woman. She was then discharged and her life got pretty miserable after that. Why? She was a Black woman living in the 1800's, that's why. In September in 1893 a doctor said that she did not qualify for disability payments despite the fact that she served in the military, had a nerve disease, and diabetes where she had all her toes amputated. There are two other not Black women who were able to get coverage but...yeah. Black. 1800's. Eventually I am gonna cover something that is really cool or funny. I mean, its cool that she was able to do what she did and fight in the military back then. But damn. Also it seems I wrote about her five years ago...

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Dante Learns New Black History: Onesimus

I have written about Famous Black Firsts. Cool Shit Black People Invented. And Random Civil Rights Moments. I have not done any posts about Black History Month in a few years. No particular reason other than being a lazy ass. By the time I finish this I'll come up with some title for it. Until then let me talk a little bit about a guy named Onesimus. I have never heard of this guy and am not sure how to even pronounce his name. One-Si-Mus? O-Knee-Suh-Miss? Either way no one is sure when he was born or where. All's we know is that he was born in the late 1600's. He was first documented as a slave living in the colonies in 1706. Onesimus was given as a gift to a Puritan minister named Cotton Mather. Read that sentence again. A human was given as a gift. This Mather fellow was also a big part of the Salem Witch Trials. I'm not gonna even get into that. Mather saw something special in Onesimus and taught him to read and write though at the time that was associated with religion and business so he learned but it was likely for note taking and work. Sounds fun. Also, he was named after a slave in the bible. That's some bullshit.

In 1721 Boston got a taste of the smallpox. Mather's got the idea to inoculate people based off of what he learned from Onesimus. It is said that before being sold into slavery that Onesimus was once inoculated based off of a long practice of doing so back in Africa by sub-Saharan folks. As Mather put it when reporting what Onesimus told him “People take Juice of Small-Pox; and Cutty-skin, and Putt in a Drop.” Mather and Onesimus thought that this disease was a punishment from God and that this cure was a gift. Mather also wanted more religion in politics. People were skeptical because racism and did not trust African methods and thought they would try to overthrow White people. There was even a thing called The Acts And Resolves that was passed in Boston that had race based punishments. Eventually the medical community got tired of watching people just die because they were being stubborn. Out of 242 patients only 2 died compared to 844 out of 5,899 that were not inoculated. It wasn't until 1796 that someone else made a vaccination for smallpox By 1980 smallpox was no longer a thing. Until one of you people decide to not vaccinate your kid and all that weird old school shit returns. If you don't know what smallpox looks like don't look that shit up.

"Rehab: The Fake Tales of a Real Asshole" Season 2 Scene 9

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This is my moment. I think. Right? This is my moment of redemption. If this were being filmed everything would go in slow motion. I would lock eyes with Softy. She locks eyes with me and mouths “I love you.” The other guys on the ground would slowly lift themselves up and form a human shield around me. Music in a language I don't understand would start playing and the Marines would drop their balls and start slow clapping for me. Mr. W. Scott would drop his clipboard and walk over and hug me.

In reality what happened was not as inspiring.

The first ball missed me because I suddenly developed the ability to do jazz splits. My dick reminds me that a receipt for that will come later. The next ball missed because I tipped to the side. The next ball was launched by a Marine who did some parkour nonsense and hurled the ball so hard I heard it. It hit me in the chest spinning me into the wall. Just as I gasped another ball hit me, guess where?, right in the dick. I spun and now I was facing the wall. I lost count of how many balls were hitting my back. I next woke up laying in bed with an ice pack on my face and crotch. Saucy was sitting at the edge of my bed holding ice to his nose.

Kids These Days 83

They out here dipping their balls in soy sauce. I can't even remember how I heard about this in the first place which is almost as disturbing as the fact that I know it exists. So this seems to have started after a TikTok user named Regan said in a post “Did you know that when a man puts his testicles in soy sauce he can taste it? HE CAN TASTE IT. I wish I was kidding but I am not. If you have testicles, please dip your balls in something – it's for science and I must know.” I have written about so many challenges done these days and even some that were so dumb I haven't written about. But since I allegedly have man-balls I decided to chime in on this nonsense. Years ago a research named Bedrich Mosinger stated “The function of taste receptors and signaling proteins outside of taste system is still unclear. In some areas they seem to be part of the chemical sensing of sugars or amino acids. For the most part, though, full function of these extra-orally located taste receptors is unknown.”

Taste receptors have been found on other parts of the body like your stomach, brain, and booty hole. Yeah. Please don't make that a thing you all start doing. The study says that these weird ass taste receptors taste proteins for umami and sweet flavors that are in mice balls. They also removed the receptors and mice could not have kids and got weird shaped balls. Another person far smarter than me named Dr Kieran Kennedy said “The study or any that have followed hasn't shown that any animal can actually 'taste' via these receptors like we'd taste something from the mouth. There is no scientific or medical evidence to back up any claims that men of any species can actually taste things through their junk. So while the fact that there might be taste receptors in the testicles is pretty damn interesting, it unfortunately doesn’t mean there's any evidence they can actually taste things.” There. So cut that shit out. You can not dip your balls into sauce and smack your lips saying you can taste it. And if you can go see a doctor immediately.

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Just Talking With Dante Episode 46

Jasmine - “Why that noise?!”

Dante - “What sound you want? Ping ping ping ping!”

Jasmine has returned and I am sharing her with y'all! We talk about her trip to Dubai, ratchet ass music videos, talk about our Fat Tour, me finally getting a cell phone, the recent onslaught of celebrity dick pics, R. Kelly and his drama, a Dear Jasmine segment, taste test some chips, life in Oklahoma, nanny cams, porch pirates, and random nonsense as always. Click here for previous episodes.

Johnny Panic: We Got It From Here Part 10

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Spin spin spin! That is the goal! Just spin my little sexy heart out both baffling and dazzling these monsters at the same time! They begin aiming at me and I can hear the machines struggling to pinpoint exactly where I am. I head into a ship and plow right through the damn thing embarrassed at how easily they beat me a week ago. While I am inside I am looking at all this insane technology they have. Everything is so clean! I also realize I need to make sure not a piece of this gets into the hands of the military because the next thing you know a yellow version of me will be trying to challenge me in a few years.

Look at me planning ahead like an adult!

“Focus on the island” Mother Bird says.

Dante Explains Shit: Drug Abuse

People love to feel good. And by feel good I mean get fucked up. People have been doing it ever since some weird ass caveman ate a piece of fruit that was too old and got loose. There have been a lot of rappers dying the past few years from drug use. Drug use ain't new in music by any stretch of the imagination its just the drugs that these kids are taking are powerful as fuuuuuck. I read that in 2017 that 33% of rap songs that were on Billboard's Hot 100 chart mentioned lean aka Codeine. I was recently talking to a friend about lean and why people use two cups when they drink it. Its because the shit sweats through the first one. Do I really wanna ingest something that leaks through a Styrofoam cup? No, not really.

I am gonna sit here and try to explain all the drugs these kids are doing these days and what they feel like. This is not from experience. I say no to drugs! Hell, every kid that was in the D.A.R.E program in the 80's did the most drugs. Most of these sound fun as hell to do but when you see someone who took too much at once or could not stop when they should've the shit does not look any sorta fun. I say if you are gonna get turnt just drink responsibly or smoke weed. Or just watch a good TV or porn. Relax. Because its sucks living in a world where we know we loss Prince to a prescription pill addiction.

Grown Ass Man Tips: Calm Down

Have you ever been upset and someone told you to calm down? Did it work? Chances are it didn't. So why are people still saying it to one another? I have never in my life talked to a woman that was upset and said “Calm down...” because I grew up around a lot of lady folk and knew that those two words would not only not work but make them more upset. Why? Because they humans. I know in the way this world is running right now people like to forget that part. We are so busy giving ourselves new and special titles and racing to belong to a group so we don't feel alone that we actually leave out the part where before any of that stuff we're human. Unless you're a robot and reading this in which case I'd ask if you had better things to do.

A couple of weeks ago I heard a lady shouting at her dude from my window. “Action!” was said by me as it usually is and I went to look like the nosy resident I am. This lady was upset for whatever reason at her dude as they returned from the local weed shop (I know this because of their obnoxiously loud red bags that litter the sidewalks here in West Hollywood) and she told him to go back to his shitty apartment in his shitty car and that they were through. So of course he told her to calm down. Guess what she did? She went fucking megaton. I'm not sure how old this couple was and hope that they have not nor will they procreate but he should've known that if someone is screaming at you and saying they are through the best thing to do is either stand there silently and let shit run its course or get in your car and leave. Under no circumstances should he have engaged her the way he did. I mean he followed her as she screamed down the street and back to the car. Hopefully they no longer talk to each other.

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Kids These Days 82

I know in 2019 I should not find the behavior of a mother who behaved like she was in the 1980's admirable but I do. Because I am ratchet sometimes and would love to do hoodrat shit with my friends. A mother, Christina Tinsley, has a daughter that goes to a school in Orange County that was being bullied. She had contacted the school about handling this situation and when they did not to her liking she went full 80's on them. She stormed into the building like she owned the place and gave a speech that sounds better in print than the actual video. Yes, there is video of this. Kids video every damned thing.

Dante Vs. Nature 81

I went to a circus when I was about 10 or 11. Know what I thought? “Wow elephants are huge!” and “Wow elephants stink!” Circuses suck but at least the animals are doing things. Yeah, things they shouldn't be doing but they are doing things. You go to a zoo and the animals are asleep, invisible, or just staring at you wondering why you wasted sixty bucks to feed them grass. What the hell am I even talking about? Bears and circuses. This circus in Russia has bear performances and recently the bear remembered what it was and tried to eat this man like groceries. I watched the video and thought “Well...yeah.” The guy is walking behind the bear and the bear turns around like he said something about its mothers and takes him to the ground. Another guy jumps in and starts kicking the bear just like you're taught to do when a bear is attacking. 

Or just lay there and play dead. Yeah, that's it. Kick it until its calm or play dead until its tired of eating your booty.

If you've seen the video you'll see that there is no fencing around the tiny ass area where this happened. These people thought it was a good idea to go see a bear on a leash with no fence or anything around. Cool. The bear had a muzzle on so the guy didn't get eaten alive and is fine. That's like saying the opponent is fine because Mike Tyson was wearing boxing gloves. The bear and the trainer were both fired after this incident. How the fuck do you fire a bear? They say flash photography may have startled the bear setting it off. Yeah. I'm sure that's what happened. Or...its a bear on a leash in a room full of food. That's like locking me a See's factory after hours. Things are gonna be messy the next day. Next time someone invites you to see animals perform just don't go. Its never as fun as it looks on TV and you're only really going to see exactly what these people saw.

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Kids These Days 81

I don't know if you have heard me bitch about how difficult it is to find a good consistent barber being Black and living in West Hollywood. If I had a long beard and wanted that Macklemore haircut my ass would be in heaven. There are like eight of them places within five minutes walking distance and I'm not trying to walk into one of them and have the scene from Blazing Saddles when the new sheriff arrives play out in real life. So today I was looking on the internet and came across someone getting their hair done in a way that should be illegal. Probably isn't...but it should be. This dude was using fire. Like for real ass fire! My biggest concern use to be dirty clippers. Now its flames. See, when I get my hair cut I close my eyes and start singing A Secret Place. But now I'm gonna be listening for the sound of a can being shook and butane being lit on fire! 

How do you even learn to do this? Its not like one guy does this either. Turns out there are a bunch of fools out here cutting folks hair using fire and even more getting it done. How does one even practice this? Not on themselves for sure. Its been millions of years and our asses have not managed to tame fire. Fire hurts us all the damn time yet people are going “I need a haircut and this seems legit.” No. Don't get your hair done with fucking fire you freaks. If you are over 30 and doing this you need to get your shit together. If you are below 30 and doing this you need to go to the other room and talk to your parents and ask them what they did wrong. I love how fire became the thing. We went from ice buckets to fucking flames. Stop that.

Click here for previous Kids These Days.

At The 2019 LA County Fair

Went to The LA County Fair with Cam today. It was the fun. We walked around and looked at flowers. I got to pet some goats. We had some really good chicken with waffles on sticks. I also got this bomb ass soap from The Markham Farm. I used it tonight to shower and it felt and smells so good. Click here to check their stuff out. I also got some lemonade from Hotdog On A Stick. Their lemonade is damn near perfect. I got it mostly because I wanted a souvenir cup. We were gonna go last week but it was way too hot to deal with that nonsense. We went today and it was about 85 and perfect for walking around.

 

Grown Ass Man Tips: Are You Pregnant?

There's never a reason to ask a woman if she is pregnant. I guess unless you two are dating and she is exhibiting the symptoms of a pregnancy and your ass is not financially ready or mentally equipped to be a father. That is about it. But if it is any other woman and you feel compelled to ask her if she is pregnant punch yourself in the dick and keep quiet. I know this sounds aggressive but the shit does not make people feel good. I have had multiple friends get asked if they were pregnant. Know how it makes them feel? Like shit. What I do not understand is why someone would ask. It is not like you win some sort of prize for getting it right? More often than not you ain't! Now you just an asshole that some woman is gonna talk about to her friends later. You wanna be an asshole? Huh? I know a lot of guys these days do because it seems cool to not give a fuck and say extreme shit and be the cool guy. Being someone who makes a lady you likely don't even know feel like shit because you assumed that she was growing a human life in her body is not a thing you should aspire to be. You see a lady and am not sure if she is pregnant or not just ask yourself why you want to know. Again: no prize for guessing correctly or not. She is not a pinata and will not explode with candy if she is pregnant. I'm like 98% sure about that last part.

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Just Talking With Dante Episode 45

“They punched me in all of my dicks. My emotional one. My spiritual one.” - Dante

“Shut your face.” - Jasmine

Jasmine is back! In this episode we talk about dating sites, what to put on a dating profile and what not to, I try to talk myself out of liking people, Jasmine forgets she can curse on this show, people pretending to be people they ain't, somehow start discussing male strippers and strip club double standards, I talk about not being invited to things, discuss what girls stress about that guys don't care about, and other nonsense. Click here for previous Just Talking With Dante.