"The Porn Shop Guy"

I was thinking back to when I was on The Adam Corolla Show. I thought I was on a couple of times. It wasn’t until I started looking this up where I found all of these instances. Its nuts. It was fun and made me feel more comfortable about speaking to people I didn’t know in very public settings.

April 11th 2006

A listener calls in to talk to Wanda. Turns out he works at a porn store called Circus Of Books. Adam wonders why you’d call a porn store in a tourist area “Circus of Books”. He can just imagine parents taking their children into that store on vacation and running out screaming.

This started when a co-worker thought that Wanda Sykes was Gary Coleman when he heard her on the air. I told him I was gonna call and tell her. And I did. I repeated what he had said and then asked her if she drove a school bus because I had a driver with her last name that looked like her. She said she drove my big headed ass around. They asked where riding the school bus got you. I said “A porn shop.” That got the ball rolling.

April 13th 2006

Dante from the Circus of Books is on the line. Circus of Books is a porn store over on Santa Monica Blvd. He called in earlier in the week, and now he’s checking back in.

Adam asks Dante if the majority of their clients are gay. Dante says, well, the store is in West Hollywood. So, yeah. They try to convince him to put one of the customers in the store on the line for a Hooters gift certificate. He can’t do it, he says.

You can definitely tell where “Boys Town”, a.k.a. West Hollywood, begins, Adam says. Jump on Santa Monica Blvd. and head towards Boys Town. Start at around Santa Monica and Western Ave., and head east. It’s a real dive. Graffiti everywhere, people selling fruit on the side of the road, filth and garbage all over the place. But head towards Boys Town. You will watch Santa Monica Blvd. Slowly turn into the Yellow Brick Road. It’s as if the gays will never even think of painting graffiti on something, and no gay man has ever once thrown trash in the road.

Incidentally, Adam says, someone should really launch a class action lawsuit against the City of Los Angeles for having not only a city named Santa Monica, and a road named Santa Monica Blvd., but another road named Santa Monica that runs parallel to Santa Monica Blvd. How many people have been fired, how many business deals lost, how much fossil fuel burned, doing laps around that neighborhood trying to find which Santa Monica you need to be on?

They ended up giving me the gift certificates and I still have them around somewhere. I don’t know where they are but I have them somewhere. By this point people that came to the store knew me from this show.

April 17th 2006

Dante from the porn store in West Hollywood has a story. There was this customer that looked like a cross between Uncle Ben and Aunt Jemima. He would come in smelling like the oldest fried chicken you’ve ever smelled, wrapped in a wet towel. He looked homeless, but sometimes he would just whip out a ton of cash. Other days, his credit card would be declined for like two bucks.

The customer I was talking about was this guy we called “Overring.” And an overring was what would happen if someone could not afford something and we had to cancel the sale and fill out paperwork. Most of us knew not to ring this guy up in the first place.

April 25th 2006

Dante calls in. He wants to know how to get his brother to move out of his parents’ house. Maverick says, get him to go to college; it’s been the best five years of Maverick’s life. He’s too old for college, though. In that case, you can use a potato gun.

This was Maverick, Deaf Frat Guy, and he had a self help segment. I was asking him about my brother who still lives at home. Just the way a deaf dude says potato gun is funny.

May 3rd 2006

Dante: Birth control pills? They give women bad skin and extra weight, and the women will blame you, because it’s you who are doing the humping of them.

Adam had this segment called “What Can’t Adam Complain About?” My question was birth control and above was his response.

June 12th 2006

Dante from the porn store calls in. They had a great weekend there at the Circus of Books in West Hollywood, due to the gay pride parade. Incidentally, gay pride parades are great if you want to get laid. 300,000 gay guys all drunk and charged up — definitely a great place to get some tail if you’re a gay guy. They put one of the customers of the porn store on the line, who incidentally, happens to be a porn distributor.

They ended up having this dude named Sergei who was funny as fuck. He had a tracksuit and gold chains on and everything. It was so damned funny.

Rockets.