I've written before how Halloween is just an excuse for girls to dress slutty. It bothers me. I'm not even exactly sure why. For some reason around this time of year I get this strange ass Puritan state of mind and would love to see women dress as something cool, original, or creative instead of just saying “Here are my tits and ass with paint on them!” and thinking they should get style points for the year. No. It doesn't work that way. The Munky wrote an excellent blog (read it by clicking here) pointing out the nonsense involved with costumes and how women wear them. She's way more hardcore than me when it comes to this.
One of the things that bothers me most about chicks costumes is that it has to be “Sexy Insert Something That Should Not Be Sexy.” Yeah, we get it. Sexy Nurse. Sexy Ghost. Sexy Maid. Whatever. We've seen it a thousand times and its seriously old. Save those get-ups for sex. Halloween is about being creative and/or scary as shit. Don't do what these people don't do. By the way, I'm not even kind of complaining about that chick above. She's too damned hot.
Zombie
A zombie is the complete opposite of sexy. There is nothing about a creature that “lives” only to consume and devour human flesh that is hot. Zombies are ruthless assholes that me and most of my friends dream about rising from the dead just so we can do to them what we cant do to the idiots that walk this Earth daily. I've never seen a zombie in a film and thought “Damn, I'd love to get all up in that!” Know why? Because its a fucking zombie! Zombie genitals probably feel like fucking a litter box and smells eight times as bad.
Sexy Zombie
You assholes. You went and tried to make what is supposed to be the scariest thing to humanity sexy...and failed. You cant make this sexy unless you go only 20% zombie and 75% whore. The other 5%? Shame. Because everything about a sexy zombie screams failure at dressing up for Halloween. If a guy tells you that your costume looks cool or creative he is just hoping to get in your draws and praying that most of the scars on your face are makeup.
Skeletor
As the main villain of He-Man, Skeletor was a cowardly jerk. He was more likely to send his own guys to get their asses kicked than he was to put up his dukes. I've never heard a woman say how sexy he was even though he was ripped for a skeleton. There is no way that you can take this cartoon character from my youth and sex it up.
Sexy Skeletor
You sons of bitches. Okay. I have to admit that this is creative looking but why go with Skeletor? This could have just been a cool outfit with different colors and such. But they had to go and say “I'm gonna take this thing and add sex appeal to it when it absolutely shouldn't have any!” Any guy that gets a boner from this needs to be placed on some watch list.
Big Bird
I never watched Sesame Street growing up because I was busy watching Press Your Luck, People's Court, or playing outside. But I know what Big Bird is and what he stands for. Its a he, right? Anyway, after the election speech bullshit where he was mentioned people have been posting images and all kinds of stuff. Its a giant yellow bird. There's no way to sexify this.
Sexy Big Bird
Oh, fuck you.
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