Friday, October 24, 2014

The Seven Men Female Nerds Will Date

Recently I wrote a post called The Seven Women Nerds Will Date. Some people were upset by it. Probably because some of the things listed hit too close to home. Some guys were able to admit that they have dated one or more of the different types of women. Then there were the “white knights” that stood up for women and thought that I was just being a bitter and angry man.

It was cute.

This time I am going to cover The Seven Men Female Nerds Will Date. Maybe you were nerdy and chubby but over time improved. Still, on bad days you feel like that child that people picked on for being different. If this post upsets you then chances are you have some deep rooted anger issues. This is just a blog written by someone you'll never meet that happens to know that you have bad taste in men. I'm kidding! But totally not. And he's some light listening music.

The Brooder

You see this guy every once in a while and you think about saying something to him. Or maybe you're old fashioned and you think that he should make the first move. Either way, neither one of you make a move until one faithful day where you talk. Turns out that he has had some pain in his life (pick something: bullied, abused, bad relationships) and you're just the right girl to ease his pain.

Pros: Since has has a history of being mistreated he is going to truly appreciate all that you do with and for him. This guy is gonna be with you through thick and thin and even though he seems mysterious, he's totally open when you two talk.

Cons: You know all that abuse that I mentioned earlier? Yeah. He's gonna either accuse you of doing it to him or turn you into someone that wants to abuse him. When you two have a disagreement you will be afraid of making him upset because you don't want to be added to the list of people that have hurt him. For guys like him, the past is still happening.

The Friend

You have known this guy for a really long time. You two go to movies, lunch, dinner, hang out all the time. You tell him about all your bad relationships and even about the guys you like. You know Tim at work? You have told him about all the things you want to do to Tim. And he just sits there listening. It's amazing!

Pros: Since he is a guy he can give you advice on how guys think and why they do the things they do. Another good thing is that when you two are at the club or hanging out guys won't try and hit on you or get aggressive because he's around. He's like a bodyguard you can cuddle with and not worry about sex. He'd be the perfect boyfriend if he didn't look like...himself.

Cons: You will have a very hard time getting a boyfriend with this guy around. Other guys will think that he is your boyfriend and not come near you. Also, I hope you have made it clear to this poor bastard that you and he are never going to date. Guys (like me) will hang out with you for years and never let you know how we really feel. Because we're stupid. 

The Jerk

People don't like him but they just don't see him the way you do. Sure, on the outside and to others he seems sarcastic, pessimistic, and gives his opinion when no one asked for it. That's just because he is confident and assertive! He knows what he wants and goes for it. Like you. It's like he has two sides to him and each one makes you smile. Most of the time.

Pros: Since he doesn't have too many friends he has more time to spend with you. Sure, he hates most of your friends and family but at least he's honest about it. And you're not that big of a fan of going out that much anyway so his off-putting behavior works out well.

Cons: Eventually he is going to run out of things to complain about others and aim it towards you. You know how you talk about how you are a little overweight but he doesn't mind? He will once he starts to get bored with you. Keep your insecurities to yourself around this guy. It becomes ammunition for him when he's in a bad mood.

The Bad Boy

This is the one that your friends and family warned you about. But whatever. He is sexy, fun, and unpredictable! Sure, he's had a lot of women in his life but you're gonna be the one to make him settle down. Who knows? With a haircut, stable job, and a change of wardrobe he'll be perfect.

Pros: He is fun to be around. You two have a hell of a time at the bars and clubs and he is very social. Especially with your girlfriends. They love him. Yeah, turns out he had a kid he never mentioned to you, but that's okay. He plans to get custody of him. One day.

Cons: You will try and fail to turn this guy into The Friend. He is the way he is because it works for him. Even if you do manage to change him into what you want him to be, he will eventually rebel and be worse than when you first met him. Why not just go find what you want instead of trying to tame a wild beast? And chances are this guy will always take more than he gives in the relationship.

The Gay One...Maybe

You have talked to him plenty of times. You think there is a mutual attraction but you're not quite sure. You've flirted with him. Held hands with him. You've done everything but strip naked and proclaim your love for him but he hasn't made a move yet. What's his deal?

Pros: Besides being clean and a great dancer, he knows how to dress well. He goes shopping with you and is really good at picking just the right outfits. He even gives incredible dating advice. You two are like a married couple without the sex. Meaning just like a married couple.

Cons: Since you are afraid of offending him you may never ask if he is gay or not. You may skirt around the issue by asking if he is seeing “anyone.” Since he isn't making a move he may either be shy or just not into you in the same way. If this is okay with you then by all means just keep doing what you do. Just don't have your feelings hurt when he shows up with a hot new date. Male or female.

The Player

Wow, he has a lot of female friends! He laughs when you ask if he is sleeping with any of them or not but never quite gives you an answer. When you first met it was as if he'd known you for years. He knew exactly what to say and do. You figured that when you started dating that he would slow down with the clubbing and maybe even seeing all these other women. So far he hasn't but maybe he'll change.

Pros: This guy is so much fun to be with. He is a professional at sex but sometimes he has a problem getting it up. He says he is tired but you know from his Facebook and Instagram page that he hasn't been that busy. He has a lot of friends and they are a walking party and wherever they go people know who he is. You two never have trouble getting inside places.

Cons: Once you're inside those places he tends to vanish. You're not used to being with a guy this hot so you put up with it longer than you know you should. All of the things you loved about him will begin to bother you. Clubbing boyfriend is fun for so long...especially when he keeps doing it without you.

The Mama's Boy

Why is he single?! This guy is really close with his mother. He sees her every week. He not only remembers her birthday but he throws a party for her! Since he treats his mother so well he treats every woman he meets great. Your mother loved meeting him and hopes that he is “The One.” Maybe he lets his mom know more about your relationship that you'd prefer, but its fine. Its fine.

Pros: He is very respectful of women and treats you like a queen. He never makes you feel bad and loves and takes care of you when you're feeling down. All of your friends are waiting for him to ask you to marry him but for some reason he hasn't just yet. You're not sure why but you have your suspicions.

Cons: Your suspicions are correct. His mother doesn't like you. And if mother doesn't like you there's no way in hell a guy like this is gonna marry you unless he wants to upset her which he will try is damnedest to never do. These type of men will need to be mothered in some way at all times. If he gets sick you need to stop everything and take care of him. If you don't he will pout and run to his mom and she will remind him that no one will ever replace her. Good times.  

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