Wednesday, October 22, 2014

The Seven Women Nerds Will Date

For all intents and purposes I am a nerd. No, not one of the cool ones that exist today by putting on a pair of fake thick framed glasses, dressing strange, and finding the most obscure things to get into. No, real nerds are like The Incredible Hulk. You try to be normal and at the most inopportune time your nerdiness rears its ugly head. You name every Robin that ever existed as the person you talk to eyes glaze over. You want to stop but you can't.

They must know there was more than one female Robin!

In this post titled The Seven Women Nerds Will Date I will discuss the different type of women that you have dated, will date, want to date, or know better than to attempt to date. Now, I'm not saying that none of these relationships work out. Some do. In dreams. You can even date a combination of these wrapped into one. Play this while reading to set the mood.

The Girl Nerd

Oh, my god. Is she real? Does this girl exist?! Yes. Nerds come in all shapes, sizes, races, and sexes. This girl has most of the same hobbies you have, likes to stay home and watch TV and movies, hell, she even corrects you when you get the names of Game Of Thrones characters wrong! She's also cute which helps. How did you end up meeting such an awesome girl? And why is she single? She's perfect!

Pros: She likes to do the things that you do. She likes to hang out with your friends...the few that are still around. She doesn't pressure you to get out and socialize nor does she try to break you out of your box. No need to worry about her getting mad that you won't go to the club with her because neither of you can dance. You two are great together. Matter of fact, you two spend so much time together you're more like brother and sister. Wait...

Cons: You two are like brother and sister. Both of you are awkward as hell around each other and it took so long until you got to the point where you started making out that by the time you did it felt incestuous. After a while you start to realize why such a cute chick was single: she's the female version of you. She's moody, too wrapped up in what she likes doing, and her friends probably have the same attitude problems yours have. And you're dating yourself and even you realize that you don't like you enough to date you.

The Problem

This is the girl you know you shouldn't even look at let alone date. But since when did you follow the rules? She's hot, single, and wants to fuck right now! Sure, she has a history of drug use if you count last month as history. Maybe she has a child or two. Whatevs. You don't judge. And its not like she has custody of them anyway. More cereal for you! Perhaps she vanishes for hours, sometimes days, at a time. But who doesn't like privacy? And that JTHM tattoo just makes her even hotter. If you know what those letters mean you're a serious nerd.

Pros: She is hot, unpredictable, will have sex the first time she meets you, and will say no to nothing. One thing you will not be is bored in a relationship with a woman like this.

Cons: Everything I just listed above. This is the guy version of a bad boy. This is someone you should sleep with (maybe) but never try to date. Making a long-term relationship out of one hot night of passion is not only sad, its dangerous with a woman like this. She can never be satisfied and you will never be able to keep her happy for long.

The Experiment

Something new is what this woman is. This is the woman you go for after realizing that you accidentally have a type. This one is even a different race than you've ever dated before. You've been boxing yourself in relationship wise and didn't even know it. She is from someplace you have only read about. She does things that you wish you could do. She is active. She is like the Jet Beauty of the Week in real life! Or she is just fat because you've never dated a fat girl before. Hey, don't knock it till you try it.

Pros: You may be something new for her as well which means she'll take you to new places you never thought of going to. She is active so you'll be hiking, going to the beach, maybe if you're feeling extra spicy she'll get you on the dance floor! This woman is going to wear your ass out!

Cons: This woman is going to wear your ass out. Turns out that people who stay active all of the time tend to not like sitting at home doing the things you enjoyed before meeting her. The last time you got lost in the wild was while playing Far Cry 3. While you two will have fun with her showing you new things that will wear off quickly.

The Bombshell

This girl is like a lab experiment. German scientists got together and decided on a bet if they could create the sexiest woman alive and there she is. And she wants to talk to you. Nay. Date you! Like The Girl Nerd you wonder why she is single. Maybe she is a man. Either way, look at her. You're willing to try anything once. You just want to be close to this woman and show her off not to just your friends and family, but to the world!

Pros: She is the living breathing example of the girl you always wanted but knew you'd never get and now she is yours. When you walk down the street women want to be her, men want to be with her. There is nowhere you two don't go where she doesn't turn heads. “Hey. How'd you get a girl like that?” You shake your head because you have no idea. Hell, you've been asking yourself the same question since you got together.

Cons: Everyone wants her. Your manhood will be tested on more than one occasion by jealous men. You don't fight. The last time you threw a punch was in junior high and even then that girl beat you. You're not secure enough to handle this right now. Whenever she is not near you an assumption is made that she is cheating. I mean, why wouldn't she? Look at you! She deserves better. And there you have it. You lost the girl of your dreams because you have no confidence.

The Goddess

This girl puts The Bombshell to shame. She doesn't exactly look better than her but she does things that she wouldn't far faster. She rocks your world in every sense. She does the things you like. She eats the way you do. She is just like hanging out with a friend you can have sex with. For a while. Then you start noticing you have less money than you used to. Why? This woman plays for keeps and her love don't come cheap. And chances are you'll hate women afterward. Because you're immature. 

Pros: The confidence that comes with dating a woman that looks like this. Whether you want to admit it or not, your spirits are boosted just being near her. Also, and we don't talk about this, since she eats just as bad as you do she'll start to look worse over time thus ensuring that she stays with you.

Cons: All that late night snacking will stop. She didn't get the looks she has by munching on Twix bars at 1am. She is having fun with you and while it is awesome for a now she will eat you up like the wicked city woman she is. She likes expensive things and your lifestyle does not lean towards meals that cost more than $30. But you stay in it longer than you should because even when she is mad she still gives you just enough sex to keep your dumb ass happy.

The Smokebomb

You normally don't date girls like this. She is the life of the party. She and her friends go clubbing and even though that's not your thing she is fun to be around. She makes jokes and flirts with you. Some of her friends and even yours say that you two would make a good couple. You think so too but she is so hot that you're afraid of being turned down. You know that Bell Biv Devoe song “I Thought It Was Me”? Your life is now that.

Pros: She is really fun to be around. Her friends get along with you and they don't make you feel like an outsider when you hang out.

Cons: She isn't all that into you. You have hung out with her and her friends more often than alone. While she flirts with you sometimes there are dozens of other men that can say the same thing. She is more focused on her career, her friends, and how many Instagram followers she has than getting into a relationship. This doesn't mean she is a bad person. Just not into you. If you can get over that you'll just end up with a hot friend.

The Tease

This is the one that will “accidentally” bump into your dick when you hang out. She will talk about the things she used to do with guys she dated but isn't like that anymore. She used to get drunk and make out with guys she just met. You've known her for a couple of months and she hasn't done anything. I mean, you would, but, you know, getting slapped is not on your to do list. Maybe eventually she'll do something with you like in those wonderful tales of her past...last week.

Pros: She is fun to be around. There is nothing really bad about her besides the fact that she makes you think that there is a chance with her. You two hang out and have fun and she even gives you a kiss on the cheek when you leave. Yeah, she does that to everyone but still. Its special when it happens to you.

Cons: She is a human museum. You can look all you want but you can't take her home. Wanting this woman is not healthy for you and not fair to her since you'll never just straight up tell her how you feel. Eventually you'll start to take out your frustrations out on her and she won't understand why.

Click here to read about why I'm not dating. Here's a hint: I'm a dick. 

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