See this shit? Its a Flamboyant Cuttlefish. And I don't like it one bit. Makes me nervous and represents everything that is fucked up about going into the water. This type is the only one that walks on the sea floor. Know why? Cause its a fatty fatty fat fat. It can float for moments and then sinks its strange looking ass right back down. There are other fish that walk and I'll get to them eventually (I'm looking at you, red lipped batfish!). These things live nowhere near me which is good for both of us. They don't get much bigger than about two and a half inches which is awesome because when I see weird shit and imagine it larger I just think of that Korean film The Host and I don't need that kind of stress in my life.
These have been found in waters ranging from nine feet to eighty six which means it ain't picky about where it stays. Its covered with all kinda goofy shit to ward off predators like its flesh color, stupid diddlybobs all over, and its tongue or whatever the fuck that is. When threatened its arms turn red just like mine. The flesh of these have a toxin that can fuck up anything which means you can't eat these. I know there are certain things that are poisonous but still edible, like ex girlfriends, but not these. Oh, and get this: they face fuck each other. That's right! The dude fish sticks his sperm into the chick fish's face and then she lays the eggs in crevices and rocks or even wood because why the fuck not, right?
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