Monday, December 2, 2013

"50 Stripes Of Gray" Part 4 of 5




The next morning Gary stood in the doorway of the bathroom waiting for Delvin to awaken. He had been up for two hours and was far too excited at the idea of meeting a pornstar in real life. Sure, he wouldn't be the one having sex with her but living vicariously through his far more adventurous friends was how he has stayed disease free.

Delvin finally slowly opened his bedroom door and shuffled to the bathroom, ignoring Gary. Gary smiled and tipped his cup of coffee to him. Delvin pulled out his member and attempted to urinate.

Not so fast!

“Wow” Gary said. “That looks painful. Good thing I'm coming with you for moral support. Then maybe she can give you some oral support. See what I did there?!” Gary high-fives himself spilling coffee all over his arm. “Shit fuck cunt bitch!”

“You're not coming” Delvin hisses while attempting to squeeze a drop out. “You'll just embarrass yourself.”

“You're just afraid she'll ignore you once she sees my dick” Gary says, licking coffee from his forearm.

“Why would she even see yours?”

“Hey, things happen” Gary mutters while shrugging. “Like you've never walked past a college campus and your dick just happens to fall out the front of your pants.”

“That was you?!” Delvin asks.

“Oh, please” Gary scoffs. “I would have never gotten caught. That guy was a rookie. What is important is you getting laid, getting your mangled dick taken care of, and then buying a new toilet seat.”

“Why do we need a new toilet seat? This one's fine.”

“That's because I set fire to it every morning!” Gary reaches under the sink, pulls out a small container of lighter fluid, and smiles. “Every. Morning.”

In the waiting room Gary can barely contain his excitement. Delvin's penis pain seems to be in its death throes. Lashing, flailing, and roaring in agony knowing the its time was coming to an end. Every time the door opened or someone in a white coat came near Gary would spring to his feet.

“Would you stop doing that?” Delvin asked. “You're making me nervous.”

You're nervous? What about me?” Gary began pacing. “I'm about to meet a bona fied pornstar for the first time and you tell me to sit still? Have at thee!” Gary shouts and tosses a stack of magazines at Delvin. “Is that her?!” Delvin jumps to his feet causing his penis to retract even further into his body. “Ha! Got you. That wasn't her. Know how I know? My pants are still on.”

“Good morning, Delvin” Dr. Basir says from behind Gary. “And you must be his friend, Gary.” Gary spins on his heels and holds his hand out. Dr. Basir reaches and he pulls her hand to his lips and kisses her making eye contact the entire time.

“Yes, I am indeed Gary” he says. “I'm not just Delvin's friend. I'm his only friend. Roommate. Confidante. Life coach. Spiritual leader. And sometimes his masseuse.”

“That's a lot for one man” Dr. Basir says.

“I'm a lot of one man” he replies.

“So would you mind coming with me?” Dr. Basir says to Delvin who has trouble standing. Gary begins to follow. “Not so fast” she says. “Patients and family only.”

“But his dad is dead.”

“That's terrible” Dr. Basir says and pats Delvin's hand.

Lower...

“I'll be fine, Gary” Delvin says. As the door begins to close Delvin tosses Gary a wink that lasts too long and he misjudges his movement and slams his shoulder into the doorway.

“Fucking nerd” Gary says under his breath. He sits back down in a chair and picks a magazine up from the floor. He notices a sticker on the front of it. With an address. Dr. Basir's address. “Holy shitballs” he says and tears it from the cover. “I think I have a plan.”

A small child sits down next to him and stares at his face. Gary is about to give him the middle finger until he notices the boy's mother. Gary immediately does the perverted math. Age, about 38. Divorced for longer than six months. Slight discoloration where wedding band once occupied. Hair short during marriage, but growing it out since. Dark roots beginning to show. Tight jeans but not too tight that say “Look at me but don't stare.” No bra. Small golden hopped earrings. No makeup except for a small amount of lipstick. Sandals. Manicure but no pedicure.

“Fancy meeting you here” Gary says. The lady smiles.

“My husband is here for--”

“You kid is ugly” Gary says and begins reading the magazine.  

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