Tuesday, December 10, 2013

Dante Vs Nature 31

Look! Up in the sky! Its a bird! Its a plane! No! Its thousands of goddamn bats! Run! This is some bullshit, man. But since this is in Australia when they have a problem they don't just get rid of it. The fucking destroy it! In a place called Lissner Park they used two helicopters, smoke machines, water cannons, lawnmowers, paintball guns, and...wait for it...fireworks to get rid of a bat problem. People got together to watch this shit go down and of course there were protesters because fuck logic.

Wildlife conservationists showed up to make sure things went okay during the bat removal. They ended up getting into it with an executive officer because they wouldn't let them help an injured bat. Everyone! Listen to me! I have great news! There is nothing else wrong with the world! When we are at the point as human beings where you will get confrontational over a damned bat being hurt, then something is either very wrong or very right with the world.

Haha! I can see their penis!

They say that the reason why these bats are acting all bonkers is because of weather changes and stuff. I say its because bats have developed a taste for human flesh. Particularly Australian bats. We've finally done it! We took an animal from the world's most dangerous country and made them even more deadly! Damn us! What's next? We give the bats bombs? And dress them in costumes and have them run through the city?!

Notice the mother pushing that carriage with no more fucks to give?

After a few hours the bats were all like “The fuck we doing not in those trees over there?” and a lot of them flew right back. They are supposed to be handling this for like twelve hours a day which means nothing because if folks are getting riled up off of one bat being injured imagine when they start falling from the skies because crazy ass mofos are shooting paintballs at them. The whole lawnmower thing I still don't understand.
Click here for previous Dante Vs Nature.  


Hoozle said...

Why did they get rid of the bats from the park? Please tell me they were pooping on park visitors.

Dante said...

You know when you have that many of an animal it is gonna involve pooping. Or as its called, guano. Not sure why bat shit gets its own name and meaning. Like "That guy is bat shit crazy!" That dude in Dr. Strangelove was named Guano! Bats also tend to carry diseases. They were also lazy and fought almost no crime whatsoever.

Hoozle said...