Wednesday, July 30, 2014

From The Windows To The Wall

Damn, damn, daaaaaaamn!!! Heather sent me this story and I shook my head so hard that my eyes rolled into the back of my head, I saw my future, got scared, then returned to the present. 58 year old Sadie Bell of Michigan shot her 60 year old boyfriend Edward Lee in the gut because he didn't produce enough man gravy after having sex. Why? Because she thought this meant that he was having an affair. Now...come on. She was arrested and has been released on bond because she's a woman. Assistant Oakland County Prosecutor Paul Walton said “She was pretty graphic about why she had shot him. She was convinced he was having an affair. She reached this conclusion by the fact that he didn't produce enough ejaculate. So she shot him in the stomach.” An appeal has been made to appeal the bond. Lee ended up in the hospital for five weeks having surgery on his liver, kidney, pancreas, and colon.

And why is shooting someone for making a low amount of salt malt a thing that needs to happen? There are pills and diets guys try to go on to make themselves produce more and it is never for the purpose of having children. It is because there are guys in porn that can change the color of your room when they cum and guys feel like we're supposed to do the same. There are even fake porn films where a guy has a giant fake penis and shoots fake population paste! Look. I don't want to know how to make more of something that can ruin my life. If I could cum and dust came out I'd be happy. Look like Lebron James at the beginning of an NBA game or make a chick look like Tank Girl in the shower.

I wish there was some way to explain to women that the amount of baby batter a man makes depends on so much stuff. Sometimes the quantity is surprising to even us. Sometimes we have to dodge our own man chowder. I dated someone that thought you could tell if a man was messing around by how your balls hung. The last thing I need to be thinking about before fucking is how my balls look. I like to pretend the damn things don't even exist, now I gotta pull out a ruler or tug on them to make her feel better. What makes this even worse is that Sadie was arrested for the same damned thing back in 1991! She shot her then husband and didn't do time because dude didn't want to cooperate.

There's some legal bullshit reason as to why she was allowed bond this time that even after reading three times I don't understand. She should be locked up because she crazy. Fuck the reason why she shoots guys. I dare a chick to get mad because I didn't make enough salty sack juice. I'd have to come out with some woman equivalent to get mad at her about. “You didn't wet my sheets like you did last night, ya cheatin' hooker!” And do I even have to point out that Sadie is not the hottest Cheeto in the bag? When I hear of a woman that gets laid a lot that isn't visually appealing (two points for political correctness!) I figure she has one good sexual trick that blows a guys mind. Kinda like when I see an ugly dude with a hot chick I think he must have money, not be funny. That funny stuff is a lie. Never believe a woman when she says sense of humor is most important. Show them a picture of a guy with abs and he doesn't even need to speak their language and they're happy. So the lesson today is to make lots of love mayonnaise or put it where she can't see it. You know what I'm talkin' 'bout.  

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