Friday, December 18, 2015

Dante Vs. Nature 59

If there's one thing nature loves more than making humanity change the color of their pants its coming up with weird ass new creatures. There were these two new spiders discovered because if there's one thing I always say its that we do not have enough goddamn spiders on this planet.

This first one is called a Sparklemuffin. I'm not kidding. That's its name. Some college student that helped discover it named it that because they ran out of Pokemon names I guess. They are jumping spiders which are common and those kind that you try and catch thinking its gonna run away and it ends up jumping and making girls and men that thought they were not afraid of spiders yelp.

The other has a science name of Maratus Sceletus but is nicknamed Skeletorus because it looks like a damned skeleton! Its death! They say its because of the way it looks but I know better because skeletons aren't black. Don't try and fool me, nature! Like that living box of Fruity Pebbles above its a jumping spider. These things also don't catch prey by using a web. They hunt and stalk. Sons of bitches.

The last one is a type ray spider. They don't use their webs to catch other insects the way we're used to. You know, the old flying into the web technique. No. These assholes are on some new shit. They're on that new new. They stretch their web back and when something is near that let it go and that shit slingshots at their prey. That's not fair to them. Or me.

Click here for previous Dante Vs. Nature.  

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