Thursday, February 19, 2015

Old Lady Is Old

There is this story floating around of this 115 year old lady named Emma Morano. I was recently talking to Dashuh about how when someone is old as oxygen they drag them out on television and want to know the secret to longevity while I'm just like “Ugh. That's too long.” Besides the fact that most times someone is 100 years old they look 100 years old times two. I'd be pissed if you brought a hundred year old version of me out to the public. 

Even at her age she is just the fifth oldest person alive. Let me look up the number one real quick. Oh, god! Alright. This other old lady lives in Japan, is 116, and looks every bit of it. The image they used is her eating...something. Damn it. Why'd I do that? Morano lives in Italy and has lived through a lot of shit in 115 years. The questions people ask when someone is that old is are stupid. Just because she was alive doesn't mean she was, like, participating in things. To me it sounds like she lived long because she minded her own business. Her “secret” to being older than the vacuum cleaner is eating three raw eggs a day and being single. “I didn't want to be dominated by anyone.” She was married for a short time but separated in 1938. She also has family members that tickled death in their sleep like her sisters that died just before 100 and another that made it to 102. 

She lives alone and has a doctor that checks on her and her niece that prepares her meals for her. A nursery school came by to give her some plaque to remind her that she was older than the invention of plastic and her niece said “They also brought their coughs and sniffles.” Hahaha! Burn. The times that she has been sick she refused to go to a hospital which proves that those places are death camps. I know because I worked in one and that same hospital is currently in the news for a super bug that has killed a few people and infected over 100. When she is asked about things that happened in history while she was alive she mostly talks about things that happened to her. “My sisters and I loved to dance and we'd run away to the dance hall and then our mother would come looking for us with a birch stick.” See, parents? Even a 115 years later we can still remember the abuse you caused us as children.  

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