It seems like lately I have been
talking more about relationships than I normally do. I know people
that are engaged, married, single, wanting to date, wanting to date
but know they are too fucked up to, and people that wish they were
single. Me, I am single and not only know that I'm too fucked up to
date but the longer I stay single (its been over a year since I got
some stank on my hang low and moments since I lost a friend because
of this sentence) the more I realize how hard it is to date another
person.
I've written blogs about why I am
single (click here for those) but this time I'm gonna write about the
Five Things I Learned From Relationships. There will be some good and
some bad. Mostly bad. Because I'm a dick. Deal with it.
You Gotta Be Friends
I have said this so many times to
people. I have known people in relationships where if they weren't
having sex with one another they wouldn't even be talking to each
other. Even if you like someone I think you should wait a few months
before doing the horizontal mambo. Why? Because assholes are really
good at hiding it sometimes! There is nothing worse than finding out
someone is a dick (this goes for women, too) after you've already
slept with them.
There have been people I have started
talking to as a friend, began to like them, and then they
said/did/wore/explained something that made me go “Oh, I can be
friends with this person fine, but dating them would be a terrible
idea!” Not that that has stopped me. I've still ignored logic and
dated someone I shouldn't have without really being friends with
them. I just enjoyed that we could talk and they were willing to kiss
me. I am shocked when someone gets engaged to someone they haven't even known for a year because you don't know who the hell anyone is within a year.
You Need Alone Time
Alone time can mean so much. It can
mean time to do the things you want to do like talk to or hang with
friends for some and it can also mean that you need to really be by
yourself sometimes. Being with someone whenever you have free time
will fuck you up when it is over. It will also make your friends
resent you. I like to believe that when I am with someone I still
give my friends plenty of time. But I have known and still know some
people that will disappear when they date someone. When they are sad
and depressed because they are single you can't get rid of them but
when they are dating they are like ninjas. Love ninjas. I just named
my next band.
I think it is good for people to know
what it is like to be alone because if you can't be alone and enjoy
yourself when you get into a relationship you will smother the shit
out of someone. You have to ask yourself why would someone want to be
with you if you don't even want to.
You Will Be Talked About
Guess what? If you're in a relationship
someone else knows all your shit. Literally. They know what kind of
shits you take. They also know your sleeping habits, the way you make
weird sounds when you fuck, how you eat with your mouth open, and how
you never flush when you go number one. Since I have mostly chick
friends I hear a lot about the guys that they date and how they fuck
up which usually leaves me confused because I know a lot of cute
chicks that would never date a guy like me.
Not all that they talk about is bad. I
hear some good things about the men and women that are in
relationships with people and I am really glad when things are going
well and wonder why the hell they stick around with them when, to me,
its obvious that things are really crappy and they need to end it as
soon as possible. But they don't.
You Won't Be Talked About
I have had friends that have been in
relationships and never even knew that they were dating someone until
they mentioned that they were now single or suddenly became really
available. Sometimes people are in a relationship and they just don't
talk about the person they are dating which I find so strange. Its
not like you have to talk about them all the time, but it is weird
that someone is kissing, banging, or around someone and never think
to mention them in a conversation.
There are times when I later find out
why someone isn't talking about who they are with and its usually
because there is nothing to talk about. Its not good or bad. The
person they are with is just so consistent and not entertaining so
there was really nothing to talk about other than the fact that they
were still together.
You Need To Be Realistic
No one wants to be the last person to
leave the party. Except me. Literally. I tend to be the last person
to leave a party because I like to help clean. But in a relationship
it is so bad when someone drags it on when one of both of them knows
its over. My longest relationship was 4 years long and it should have
been 2 years tops and I've had one that was one year long and it felt
like 4 in a good way.
I've talked to friends that had
relationships end and they felt so crushed while on the inside I was
thinking “About time!” because for the longest time it seemed
like it was like waiting for a bomb to go off. There are always signs
that let you know shit is going downhill. You're dreading their calls
and/or ignoring their calls. Sorry. Texts. No one calls anymore. You
want more time away from them than with them. You want to fuck anyone
but them. You know. That kinda stuff.
Having a relationship end, while it may
suck, is a good chance for you to reevaluate yourself. Figure out
what went wrong with this relationship and if you want to get into
another one not do those things again. If you brought something
shitty to the table work on that. Also, if you don't live together or
have any kids or shit like that, go home and sing the songs of your
people. At least you aren't handcuffed to an asshole for the next 18
years!
Click here for previous Five Things I
Learned.
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