Monday, December 8, 2014

Five Things I Learned From Relationships

It seems like lately I have been talking more about relationships than I normally do. I know people that are engaged, married, single, wanting to date, wanting to date but know they are too fucked up to, and people that wish they were single. Me, I am single and not only know that I'm too fucked up to date but the longer I stay single (its been over a year since I got some stank on my hang low and moments since I lost a friend because of this sentence) the more I realize how hard it is to date another person.

I've written blogs about why I am single (click here for those) but this time I'm gonna write about the Five Things I Learned From Relationships. There will be some good and some bad. Mostly bad. Because I'm a dick. Deal with it.

You Gotta Be Friends

I have said this so many times to people. I have known people in relationships where if they weren't having sex with one another they wouldn't even be talking to each other. Even if you like someone I think you should wait a few months before doing the horizontal mambo. Why? Because assholes are really good at hiding it sometimes! There is nothing worse than finding out someone is a dick (this goes for women, too) after you've already slept with them.

There have been people I have started talking to as a friend, began to like them, and then they said/did/wore/explained something that made me go “Oh, I can be friends with this person fine, but dating them would be a terrible idea!” Not that that has stopped me. I've still ignored logic and dated someone I shouldn't have without really being friends with them. I just enjoyed that we could talk and they were willing to kiss me. I am shocked when someone gets engaged to someone they haven't even known for a year because you don't know who the hell anyone is within a year. 

You Need Alone Time

Alone time can mean so much. It can mean time to do the things you want to do like talk to or hang with friends for some and it can also mean that you need to really be by yourself sometimes. Being with someone whenever you have free time will fuck you up when it is over. It will also make your friends resent you. I like to believe that when I am with someone I still give my friends plenty of time. But I have known and still know some people that will disappear when they date someone. When they are sad and depressed because they are single you can't get rid of them but when they are dating they are like ninjas. Love ninjas. I just named my next band.

I think it is good for people to know what it is like to be alone because if you can't be alone and enjoy yourself when you get into a relationship you will smother the shit out of someone. You have to ask yourself why would someone want to be with you if you don't even want to.

You Will Be Talked About

Guess what? If you're in a relationship someone else knows all your shit. Literally. They know what kind of shits you take. They also know your sleeping habits, the way you make weird sounds when you fuck, how you eat with your mouth open, and how you never flush when you go number one. Since I have mostly chick friends I hear a lot about the guys that they date and how they fuck up which usually leaves me confused because I know a lot of cute chicks that would never date a guy like me.

Not all that they talk about is bad. I hear some good things about the men and women that are in relationships with people and I am really glad when things are going well and wonder why the hell they stick around with them when, to me, its obvious that things are really crappy and they need to end it as soon as possible. But they don't.

You Won't Be Talked About

I have had friends that have been in relationships and never even knew that they were dating someone until they mentioned that they were now single or suddenly became really available. Sometimes people are in a relationship and they just don't talk about the person they are dating which I find so strange. Its not like you have to talk about them all the time, but it is weird that someone is kissing, banging, or around someone and never think to mention them in a conversation.

There are times when I later find out why someone isn't talking about who they are with and its usually because there is nothing to talk about. Its not good or bad. The person they are with is just so consistent and not entertaining so there was really nothing to talk about other than the fact that they were still together.

You Need To Be Realistic

No one wants to be the last person to leave the party. Except me. Literally. I tend to be the last person to leave a party because I like to help clean. But in a relationship it is so bad when someone drags it on when one of both of them knows its over. My longest relationship was 4 years long and it should have been 2 years tops and I've had one that was one year long and it felt like 4 in a good way.

I've talked to friends that had relationships end and they felt so crushed while on the inside I was thinking “About time!” because for the longest time it seemed like it was like waiting for a bomb to go off. There are always signs that let you know shit is going downhill. You're dreading their calls and/or ignoring their calls. Sorry. Texts. No one calls anymore. You want more time away from them than with them. You want to fuck anyone but them. You know. That kinda stuff.

Having a relationship end, while it may suck, is a good chance for you to reevaluate yourself. Figure out what went wrong with this relationship and if you want to get into another one not do those things again. If you brought something shitty to the table work on that. Also, if you don't live together or have any kids or shit like that, go home and sing the songs of your people. At least you aren't handcuffed to an asshole for the next 18 years!

Click here for previous Five Things I Learned.  

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