Rosscast Episode 282: Damn Pop Tarts

In this episode I talk about my weekend, pork chops, Only In Florida involving, surprise!, a woman attacking her man, Bad Parent Of The Week with cops and Pop Tarts, and Shit Just Got Real with a naked girl, nature, and hiking. Audio issues at the end makes it sound kinda crumbly so sorry for that. Click here for this and previous Rosscast Shows. Enjoy!

Sonic The Hedgehog Is Felix The Cat

When I was little and we'd go and pick my mother up from work we would go past this Chevrolet dealership that had this giant Felix the Cat as their pitchman. Not really sure why. Its not like when I think of cars I picture a crazy ass cat that has a purse that he can pull anything out of. I wasn't a huge fan or anything but I liked seeing it whenever we drove by.

Rosscast Episode 281: I Fart In Your General Direction

In this episode I talk about my fun weekend relaxing (or my version of it), getting cereal, movie spoilers, get interrupted by a Black pirate named Fabion, and discuss two Only In Florida stories involving a fart turning into a knife fight and an alligator foiling an escape. Click here to download this and previous Rosscast Shows. Enjoy!

Parents Failing Hard 4

I think the state of Texas is getting pissed off that Florida has been hogging all the crazy and bad decision making. If you had a kid, let’s say a little boy about 14 years old, and he was shot. What would you do? Surely you would rush to the hospital and get that bullet removed or at least make sure you kid didn’t bleed out. Nope. Not if you’re Deborah Tagle of Santa Fe, Texas! If you’re her you head straight to the internet!

Tagle could be charged with a felony for waiting a while to take her son to the hospital after he was shot because he and his friend decided that guns were fun and something you should be aiming at one another. So moments later he was shot in the thigh because he didn’t have enough holes in his body and liked to whistle when he ran. So he let his mom know and she ran to WebMD to see what she should do.

Dante Bitches About Maxim Hot 100 2013

Once again Maxim has released their Hot 100 list. And of course I disagree with this nonsense. Now before I rage I know that this list is a joke. It has to be. These people slap together this list a day or two before it is set to be published and we’re supposed to take it seriously. It’s a joke. Ha. Funny list this is. As I look at a lot of the names on here it is a pedophiles wet dream. When did looking like a woman go out of style? Where's there some meeting that I missed? Because I didn't get the memo!

Rosscast Episode 280: Man Bites Dog

In this episode I talk about the rainy weather, my weekend, a Shit Just Got Real featuring a dog biting a woman’s nose off, a Dude What The Fuck? with a woman tearing her man’s nuts, and Tha O Show featuring special guest Pretty Ricky of Doom Mates fame…meaning my fame on my site. Click here to download this and previous Rosscast Shows. Enjoy!

Click here for my Funny Or Die page.

Click here for Tha O Show.

Dante Bitches About People Magazine Most Beautiful Woman

I hate when there is a list or something that says that this person is the best or hottest or whatever alive. Its automatically bullshit. I know they didn't find every living person and make a chart and talked it over with millions of people to find who the true winner was. So when People Magazine came out with their Most Beautiful Woman Alive I sighed heavily and tucked my penis between my legs because I knew it wouldn't be needed. Especially when I saw that the winner was Gwenyth Paltrow. Of all the women on the globe she is who was picked?

I'm as excited about Iron Man 3 as the next man, but come the fuck on. Its not as if this woman has been in a ton of amazing films. Let's not go based on looks. I'm gonna pretend I'm not shallow for a moment. She broke Brad Pitt’s heart years ago. Then she dated Ben Affleck. Then…wait. Maybe her vajayjay has something in it that helps careers. Well, not hers.

Rosscast Episode 279: Choppy Choppy Blendy Blendy

In this episode I talk about Spiderman stealing money on Hollywood Blvd., Bad Parent Of The Week who may be the worst parent to ever exist, and a Bitches Be Crazy follow up to a woman chopping and blending her husbands penis. Click here to download this and previous Rosscast Shows. Enjoy!

Too Chunky To Cheer?

You show me a woman without issues with their body and I'll show you a toddler. I know its hard to be a chick and have assholes like me calling you a chick. Well, saying woman takes too long and you have to be above the age of 30 and have form of self respect for me to use that term seriously anyway. Plus, saying chick rules. There's this cheerleader for Oklahoma City Thunder named Kelsey Williams that has been blasted by a writer for suggesting she may be “too chunky” to cheer.

“Williams has been criticized by some folks in Oklahoma for having 'pudginess' around her waistline. Is this chick 'too chunky' to be a cheerleader?” the writer, Claire Crawford who is a blogger and whose opinion matters just about as much as mine added “But if she's comfortable wearing that tiny outfit and dancing for NBA fans, then good for her” Crawford said. “Besides...not every man likes women to be toothpick skinny.”

Dante Saves You: Doomed Mission Edition

We all like to think that we are heroes. We like to believe that if there were some major shit going down that we would place our hand on someone’s shoulder from behind and step in front of everyone and take charge of the situation. So many great stories start with someone giving the thumbs up or saying “I got this” and saving the day. But in real life? Nope. Pants change colors and cheeks get wet.

No matter how much of a badass we think we are, sometimes we get sent on missions that have a success rate of ass. So I will try and teach you how to make it out alive in this Doomed Mission Edition. The good thing about these types of missions is that there will be about five people that you can use as shields to ensure your survival. Usually the Blacker. Hey! I didn’t make the rules.

Rosscast Episode 278: Don't You Know Who I Am?

In this episode I talk about Cinnamon Toast Crunch nightmares, my busy weekend, Game of Thrones, Dr. Who, falling in love, combative hobos, Black people loving the back of the bus, and a Bitches Be Crazy featuring a drunk Reese Witherspoon. Click here to check out this and past Rosscast Shows. Enjoy!

Rosscast Episode 277: Lap Nap

In this episode I talk about my awesome new bed, a We Going To Hell featuring people having public sex on Easter, and two Only In Florida with a kid abusing 911 and an old ass man being the leader of a drug ring. Click here to download this and previous Rosscast Shows. Click here to follow me on Twitter. Enjoy!

Dante Vs. Nature 25

We all know that cartoons lie to us. Skunks aren’t French serial sexual assaulters, pigs don’t stutter, and if you put a wig and lipstick on a rabbit the only thing that will happen are protests, not a boner. There are some animals from classic Warner Bros. cartoons that shocked me when I saw what their real counterparts looked like. Here are just three of the most surprising ones for me.

Tasmanian Devil

“It is characterized by its stocky and muscular build, black fur, pungent odor, extremely loud and disturbing screech, keen sense of smell, and ferocity when feeding. The Tasmanian devil's large head and neck allow it to generate amongst the strongest bite per unit body mass of any extant mammal land predator, and it hunts prey and scavenges carrion as well as eating household products if humans are living nearby. Although it usually is solitary, it sometimes eats with other devils and defecates in a communal location. Despite its rotund appearance, the devil is capable of surprising speed and endurance, and can climb trees and swim across rivers.”

Five Things I Learned I Rarely Answer

I have prided myself on being able to answer almost any question someone asks me honestly. Of course there are just some things you don't need to know about me if we've just met or if you're just a nosy ass mofo. But in the few relationships and the friendships I've had there have been questions where I either didn't want to answer or know that there was no correct answer to.

I came up with these Five Things I Learned I Rarely Answer based on my own personal experience with people I know that consists mostly of lady folk. Some of them will seem really obvious and some will seem harmless to you but in the long run can create even more questions I won't wanna answer. I have enlisted the help of Bugs Bunny for this.

Kids These Days 19

Seriously. What’s going on with the world? There are a bunch of videos with kids stabbing themselves in the hand while singing The Knife Song which was created by this dude named Rusty Cage which also happens to be one of Soundgarden’s best songs. Now, when I was little in the film Aliens the android (spoiler alert from the past!) Bishop plays a “game” where he held someone’s hand down and jabbed a damned knife in between the fingers, picking up speed like a psycho. I have to admit it looked cool and we all tried it.

Here are the lyrics to the game.