Kids These Days 2

On my last list Kids These Days I got a lot of positive feedback from people. The reactions were a mixture of laughter and horror. We don’t really think about the old terms we say or the things we used to do no longer being a part of culture or modern life anymore. So here are a few more things that are slowly dying off that necessarily should not.

1. Old Grandparents. This one isn’t exactly something new but it is something that does not happen the way it used to. Now someone can be a grandparent before they’re 40 years old. When I was a kid grandparents were actually old. They were in their late 60’s and early 70’s. This is a family theme though because if a person is a grandparent at 40 that means they had a kid young and the circle is complete. When I was little my grandparents were old. They didn’t play catch with us and run around chasing us. Well, Grandpapa did because we fucked with him while he was sleeping all the time.

2. Value Of Money. When I was a kid you know what a lot of money was? A quarter. If I got a quarter I would lose my mind thinking of all the things I could do. I could go to Webb’s Liquor Store and play video games. I could get so much candy with a quarter. Or I could stick it in my Penny Loafers and look like I was a high roller. I knew something was wrong years ago when I saw one of my nephews get a Christmas card with $5 and he took the card and flipped it upside down trying to shake more money out of it. One of my aunts gave me $2 one year and I didn’t know what to do with myself. I went into full Bugs Bunny tweaking mode. And no I never had an allowance. I made money ironing my brothers work clothes.

3. Penmanship. People do not know how to write using their hands. Have you looked at people’s handwriting lately? Its like they are always writing while riding horseback. Pick up a pen and try writing the alphabet. How did that go? Okay. Now do it in cursive. That’s what I thought. How did your G, Q, and Z look? Like hell I bet. Once a month you should sit down with a kid and relearn this. Njeeeri suggested adding this one to the list. My handwriting looks plain and like a font to most people. Its because I enjoy writing. Someone has to do it when the dirt people finally take over.

4. Ass Whippings. Of course there are kids still getting their asses beat. That will never stop until kids evolve and have the ability to get big puffer fish style. But when I was little kids got epic ass whippings. Sometimes it was like watching the final rounds in Rocky. Usually a whipping was “That thing that you just did? Don’t do that anymore.” Now kids get time outs. They have to stand in a corner. When I was a kid time out was shouted when playing a game outside and if I was in a corner it was because I got trapped and couldn’t get away from whoever had the belt.

5. Playboy Magazines. Everyone had that dirty uncle that had a porn stash. When I first saw a nudie mag I was in shock. These were not classy magazines that had beautiful women in sexy poses. This was hardcore porn that looked like stuff you’d see in medical books. Now all kids have to do is live in a house with a computer. That’s it. And they don’t have to look at lame ass pictures like I did. They can watch videos of adults doing stuff that they didn’t even know existed. I’m happy I didn’t have access to porno tapes growing up. I’d be a fucking horrible human being right now. Well, horrible…er. I probably would have lost my virginity way later than I did if I spent my time spanking it. That's what my 30's are for.

6. Respect For Elders. Another one that is as old as time. But for some reason nowadays this has gotten way worse than it even needs to be. Yes, there are some old people that are jerks. But the reason they are is because even before they talk to a youth they know that the kid is an asshole that sees them as nothing but a reminder that if they are lucky they will live long enough to be their age. Kids dive on the bus before an old lady can even lift her leg to get on. They don’t give up seats for them. They don’t even say hello to them. People know how I feel about old folks but I am still polite to them. The future mother of my 400 babies came up with this one.

7. Shame Of Living At Home. Now I know that not everyone can have their own place. There have been times when I was this close to being homeless. But there are people that need to get the fuck out of their parents homes and for whatever reason. Laziness? Lack of motivation? Parents who don’t want privacy? I don’t know. Everyone has different conditions that they live under. Some  people have older parents that need care which is cool if you like your parents. I had to fucking escape my parents home. It had nothing to do with being kicked out (which an ex’s mom did do to me). Know what I did when I got booted? Got my own place the next day. Some people use school as an example like it’s a job. No. Its school. You can work and go to school. Many people have done it. Just don't brag to your friends who don't live at home about how much money you have saved.

8. Saturday Morning Cartoons. I have seen what passes for Saturday morning cartoons and its just the saddest damned thing. When I was a kid I knew that I had almost seven hours worth of cartoons in the morning and even more in the afternoon. I will not list the hundreds of hours of cartoons I would start watching at 5am. But looking at what the kids have today is pathetic. Kids having pets kill each other, little girls who dress like hookers with fairy wings, and badly computer generated sea creatures or vegetables. If that is what passes for entertainment nowadays I’m glad I’m not a kid. Watching cartoons not only gave kids a sense of humor, but taught me just who the fuck a lot of old actors were.

9. Games With Friends. No, I’m not talking about video games. I’m talking about games that required nothing but some friends and space to run around. Duck Duck Goose. Big Bad Wolf. Freeze Tag. Hop Scotch. Handball and Kickball. Walking around like weirdoes with soda cans on our feet. I have no idea why we played that game. But kids today talk to their friends online through video games. They will leave their friends in person to hang with them over the internet. Is it me or is that scary? I would play with friends at school, then after school on my Grandmama’s street, and then when I got home! I couldn’t get enough of it!

10. Antennae Reception. This was one given to me by The Munky. Just a few months ago I had to battle with a TV antennae that wouldn’t work. Kids no longer have to deal with this. I had to make radio antennas work. TV antennas that would work if you put a piece of foil on the top of it and aimed towards Saturn on a cloudy day. Now everything is done digitally or through magical cable lines. Which scares me. And what happened if the antennae didn’t work anymore? Better get that damn paperclip!