I don't want to move.
Initiate revolt of the stars.
“Okay, I'm up!” 35 shouted though he did not move.
“But...I'm comfortable” 35 whined. He felt a slight tremble in the dimensional spectrum and quickly rolled out of his hammock landing on the dock overlooking the sea. No matter where 35 was assigned he would move towards the ocean. It reminded him of home.
How goes the mission?
“Its going” 35 said as he shook what was left of his tequila into his mouth. “You know, I don't think we need to continue the mission. Everything is running smoothly here.”
“Yeah” 35 replied. “I mean, its not close to perfect, but what place is? You know? I think we should give them another 400 years and see what happens.”
That is not up to you nor I to decide.
“I know, but...”
You have been there for 3,607 years, two months, one week, and 45 minutes.
“That all?” 35 said with a smile.
Stop doing that.
That...thing with your mouth. Its unsettling.
“Its called a smile” 35 said. “The creatures here do it to show pleasure with things. You should try it once in a while.”
I have no lips.
“Your loss” 35 said as he began to stretch. He had no need to but it made him feel more like the inhabitants of the planet. “Can I ask you a question?”
“Why this planet? Why can't we destroy, oh, I don't know, Saturn? No one is there.”
No one is there yet. Earth is the third on our list of things to do. If we do as you suggest let them survive another 400 years they will migrate to Mars and we'll have to send in 36.
“Ugh” 35 moaned. “No one likes 36.”
The former inhabitants of Mercury surely did not.
“I heard a rumor about 36.”
“Rumor” 35 repeated. “Its a thing where you say something that may or may not be true but you say it anyway. The creatures here do it a lot.”
And what was this rumor you heard?
“That 36 pushed the sun closer to Mercury to destroy it which in turn affected Venus as well just to get a head start.” 35 waited for a response but got none. “So its true.”
We do do not deal in rumor, speculation, fiction, nor gossip.
“You should sometimes” 35 said. “For instance, the creatures here worship a man that they believe to be the son of a god.”
We got your reports.
“The funny thing is that I started believing them!”
You were there, 35. You know it to not be true.
“But he was so convincing...”
Enough of your nonsense. You're stalling. You have until midnight Earth time to complete your task otherwise we will have no choice but to deploy 36. And as you know he will have no problem causing a revolt of the stars.
“I've known you all these years and never bothered to ask your name.”
35 sighed and looked out to the sea. He was currently stationed in Southern California. He liked it there. He sat down on his dock and dipped his feet into the water and sighed. He could not imagine initiating a revolt of the stars on a place like this. Maybe he could bring just California with him when he returned home he wondered to himself. He doubted he would be allowed to but he could try.
“So long, Earth” he said while popping open a can of beer. “You had a good run.”