This lady is thirsty! Megan Davis Hoelting who is 31 (or so reports say though I have my strong doubts) of Williamson County, Texas was charged with felony burglary after she broke into her husband's friends house and tried to give his wang some mouthasizing. Yeah, you know what I'm talking about. While he was sleeping he woke up when he felt Megan straddling his legs and wearing just her draws. Then he felt her mouth on his junk and was like “Whoa whoa whoa! Ew! Not from you!” That is not a direct quote and should not be considered one. Its just what I would have said if I woke up to this particular person trying it. Or maybe not. Its been a while. No. I wouldn't. For sure I wouldn't. He told her to leave, she decided that staying was a better idea, and then he called the police. Damn, I would've loved to hear that call.
“Police! Yes. There's a woman in my home trying to suck my dick! Yes, a woman! What? Uh, she's blond. About 5 foot 3. 130 pounds. Excuse me? No, I'm not gay! Yes, I'm single! Say again? Well, because she looks like Gollum in Lord of the Rings before he finally succumbed to the power of the one true ring, that's why!”
It turns out that Megan has been busy this month. She was arrested three other times before this. Yes. Three. On October 14th she was arrested for theft. On the 16th she was arrested for assault. On the 21st she was busted for public intoxication. How many chances does a person get to fuck up? She worked her way up to sexual assault! What was she gonna do a week from now? Work her way up to murder?
I have seen other pictures of her and I don't know what the hell happened to her to make her go down this crazy ass path. She looked happy. Now she has been arrested four times in a couple of weeks.
Again, when I cover stories like this I want to know what combinations of liquors made them do something like this. “Oh, no, Dante. Don't drink that! That's the strip naked/fuck an ATM/dance in traffic formula!” With every story that includes booze there needs to be a list added as a public service to make sure I don't accidentally do it. The last thing anyone wants is to wake up with me between their legs.