Fucking Florida, man. I just don't even
know anymore. 30 year old Sean Petrozzino has been on the run from
police who want to question him about a double murder. Yes. Murder
most foul! It is reported that he moved back into his parents home
after separating from his wife due to some financial issues. The last
time he was seen is in this surveillance photo getting cash from an
ATM. Police say he is a “person of interest” which is code for
“Time for a new identity!”
You may notice that he ain't got no
hands. He also has no legs. He got bacterial meningitis years ago
and that shit was a wrap. Police found the bodies of his parents
after his mother who is a teacher didn't show up for work. This guy
has been on the run ever since. There is a joke there that I refuse
to make. Police also say that he is armed with a gun. I shit you not,
I am not making this stuff up! I am amazed that he has been able to stay out of custody so far. He can't be hard to miss.
In other crazy ass news involving guys
an 18 year old named Stefan Sortland of Colorado was arrested after
stealing an ambulance. While treating an intoxicated student
suffering from seizures the EMT's come outside and wouldn't you know
it, their ambulance was gone. Could you imagine being on a stretcher
and being wheeled outside and the damned ride was missing?
They tracked the ambulance and found it
with the doors open, the front cracked, and fluid coming out of it.
They found Stefan standing a little bit away from the ambulance
wearing an EMT vest with a blanket, a cell phone, and a box of Wheat
Thins. Out of all of that the Wheat Thins confuse me the most. Police
tasered him when he wouldn't listen to them. He did ask “Why are
the lights flashing on the cars?” While in police custody he
figured that he wasn't being crazy enough so he stood on a bench,
kicked a wall, and started jerking it. Not the bench. Himself.
During
a police interview he said that his “friends/roommates were dead,
in heaven, and had committed suicide” which turned out to be a lie.
It is being reported that he did coke and took Ecstasy. Jesus. If I
were this kids parents his ass would be yanked out of school
immediately. Ain't nobody got time for that level of bullshit.
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