Fucking Florida, man. I just don't even know anymore. 30 year old Sean Petrozzino has been on the run from police who want to question him about a double murder. Yes. Murder most foul! It is reported that he moved back into his parents home after separating from his wife due to some financial issues. The last time he was seen is in this surveillance photo getting cash from an ATM. Police say he is a “person of interest” which is code for “Time for a new identity!”
You may notice that he ain't got no hands. He also has no legs. He got bacterial meningitis years ago and that shit was a wrap. Police found the bodies of his parents after his mother who is a teacher didn't show up for work. This guy has been on the run ever since. There is a joke there that I refuse to make. Police also say that he is armed with a gun. I shit you not, I am not making this stuff up! I am amazed that he has been able to stay out of custody so far. He can't be hard to miss.
In other crazy ass news involving guys an 18 year old named Stefan Sortland of Colorado was arrested after stealing an ambulance. While treating an intoxicated student suffering from seizures the EMT's come outside and wouldn't you know it, their ambulance was gone. Could you imagine being on a stretcher and being wheeled outside and the damned ride was missing?
They tracked the ambulance and found it with the doors open, the front cracked, and fluid coming out of it. They found Stefan standing a little bit away from the ambulance wearing an EMT vest with a blanket, a cell phone, and a box of Wheat Thins. Out of all of that the Wheat Thins confuse me the most. Police tasered him when he wouldn't listen to them. He did ask “Why are the lights flashing on the cars?” While in police custody he figured that he wasn't being crazy enough so he stood on a bench, kicked a wall, and started jerking it. Not the bench. Himself.
During a police interview he said that his “friends/roommates were dead, in heaven, and had committed suicide” which turned out to be a lie. It is being reported that he did coke and took Ecstasy. Jesus. If I were this kids parents his ass would be yanked out of school immediately. Ain't nobody got time for that level of bullshit.