Thursday, December 4, 2014

5 Regrettable Styles Of The 90's

Oh, the 90's. That shit was weird. Particularly the styles of clothing. I used a picture of the Spice Girls because they were very stylish for the time and also because Scary Spice is hot as fuck. My little sister loved that group and while I hated their music I loved looking at a couple of them.

I decided to look at some of the styles from back when I was a teenager and also issue a warning to society: don't bring this shit back! There has already been a flood of fashion from back then that has been making a comeback and it is horrifying to see what was bad then creeping into the present. Its 2014. Where are my metal pants?! I mean, I like some of the styles my parents wore but I'm not gonna be wearing bell-bottoms.

Black Simpsons. This was a real thing that existed. If you were going down Crenshaw Blvd. or at the local Swap Meet (Slauson or Western take your pick) and you would see bootleg shirts all over the place. You would see the Simpson's with brown skin playing basketball, smoking weed, and even Bart with dreads. 

The shit was weird and I'd be lying if I didn't say I got caught up in it. I wore these cheap ass shirts with pride because everyone else had them. Yes, kids. There was a time when wearing bootleg shirts that everyone knew were bootleg was perfectly fine. But not, like, fake Cross Colors like that one girl wore. Jesus. Over 20 years later and I still remember her. You couldn't pull this shit today. These would be yanked off the shelf within one week by a gaggle of angry lawyers. They would be sued by Nike, The Simpsons, and maybe even N.W.A.

Around The Way Girl. Oh, man. Even when this was in style and the shit I was not a fan of it. I've never been a fan of makeup and this style required a lot of it. Also hair that couldn't be touched and/or wouldn't move in a storm. These kinda chicks also had huge sunglasses and earrings that looked like they weighed about three pounds each. Sadly, when I went to my reunion a few years back and these chicks that were known as around the way girls were still rocking that look. That look past 1994 and the age of 15 is just not a good look. 

Look at that style. I mean, the tight pants were really nice but you couldn't see a girls draws the way you can these days with their yoga pants and leggings. These girls were so inspired by a song that the dedicated their entire wardrobe to it. I wonder where all this stuff went when it finally faded away. Somebody's mama has a big ass leather coat and bamboo earrings hidden somewhere in the house. 

Timberland Boots. I am guilty of owning a pair of these. Fake ones of course. My mother wasn't trying to waste money on a pair of giant fucking boots that I didn't need. I have lived in Los Angeles all my life. No matter what the weather has ever been it has never been Timberland boot weather. These were the style for a while here but a necessity on the East coast. It fucking snows there, like, in the streets. Here you have to go to the snow. On purpose. 

And if you wore these clunkers you had to wear baggy ass pants and a coat that you did not need here. Know why? It doesn't fucking snow! There are guys walking around still wearing these in two sizes too big At one time every guy wanted to look like Method Man thinking they would get a chick like Mary J. Blige that would stick with them even when they got their asses locked in jail. 

Claire Danes. Ugh. I was around 15 or 16 years old when this style was made very popular because of the show My So Called Life. Lots of girls cut there hair into this look and started dressing super frumpy. Just nothing matching which drives me insane. Or they wore her other style with the short plaid skirt and knee high black stockings which I was all for. I was so all for that look. But when I went to my new school there were far too many girls that had that look but were not qualified to sport such attire. 

Thankfully once this show ended the style went away. For many. Lots of girls had to grow their hair back out. Kinda like all those poor Black women that got Halle Berry's haircut but couldn't keep that shit together. The struggle was real.

Windbreaker Suits. This one. I have written in the past about about wearing an ugly windbreaker outfit that ruined my life (click here to share my shame!). These things made no sense. They weren't thick enough to keep you warm in the cold. And they weren't thin enough to keep you cool in the heat. They are just like wearing an extra layer of skin. Weird cotton skin on the inside with loud material on the outside. And the colors. Oh, the colors! Just a mixture of everything that shouldn't be together stitched together for maximum lunacy. Its the Australia of clothing. There is no man fighting off ass while wearing one of these things. 

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