My name is Dante and I'm the mayor of the friend zone. I had a conversation with a friend about relationships recently and asked a question about any consistencies regarding how each of them ended. What I mean by this was whether or not the same problems kept coming up. The two that I'd experienced were either the fact that I was not emotional when they felt I should be or the fact that I had many female friends. The female friends thing has always bothered me because its not like I hide it. When I say I spoke to or hung out with someone it is almost always a girl name. And unless you're a manwhore (those were the days...) for the most part you are friends with the opposite sex. Permanently.
The friend zone is one of those things that can be a blessing, a curse, or neither. I'll try and explain it further in this Five Things I Learned From The Friend Zone. Some of this stuff may upset you but this is all just things I learned from personal experience. What you do and have done in the friend zone is all yours to deal with. Have fun.
Know Your Role
Finding out that you're in the friend zone is something you will almost never be told by someone you like. Usually you just realize after hanging out for a while with someone you like and hearing them tell you stories about the other people that they are with, want to be with, or have been with. You sit there wondering why you aren't a part of these stories. Its because you're a friend. Don't assume that because you have genitals that are compatible that they will be used together.
There may be times where you think you may be moving out of the friend zone, but this can be dangerous. The other person could be drunk and flirt with you and tell you how great you are but won't make a move. Chances are I won't because of my Social Asperger's. I'd rather keep someone as a friend than lose them because I read the wrong signals and knowing me, I will. I err on the side of caution. You need to think back to every situation where hooking up would've happened and didn't and ask yourself why it didn't.
Most Times Its A Good Place To Be
When I am asked why I have not hooked up with all of the chicks I know and am friends with there are many reasons why. I'm not their type. I'm balls deep in the friend zone. And sometimes I know too much about them. What I mean by that is that I know too much about their past relationships or the guys they like and know that I'm disqualified. Knowing that makes it easier to live in the friend zone even when you don't like it there.
Even if you are really into someone when you apply reality to it you'll see that while a one night fling may be fun in the long run it just isn't worth all the hassle that'll surely follow. Yes, there are those rare occasions where hooking up with someone repeatedly (fuck buddy!!!) works out but eventually someone gets hurt by it. You don't want it to be a friend you care about.
You're There For A Reason
This goes along with not being a type and the fact that there may be something about you that makes you undateable. No, that is not a word. I used to get down on the fact that some chicks didn't like me but that was mostly because they liked guys that I knew were wrong for them. How did I know? I'd been friends with them for years. Whomp.
Some people can't look at their relationships with others in a realistic sense. They will become friends with someone they find attractive and hope that they will wear them down eventually and get together. I go in hoping that this woman doesn't suck and is good at talking. Yes, there are times where I start to like them but I'm not stupid. By talking to them I quickly see that handshakes and hugs are in the future and that nothing sexual will ever happen. I'm there to be a friend or associate and nothing more and for the most part it is fine. But...
It Can Suck
The downside of the friend zone is when you really, really, really want to be with the other person. You're not waiting for them to be drunk and make a bad decision. You're not waiting for them to be single again. You want them to see that you are a good person and would be great together but for whatever reason they just don't see you that way. And it sucks.
There are chicks I have known for years and liked at one point or another and they have never been into me. I don't get mad about it because I spend mad energy on things like Kardashian's and Jai Courtney. It takes some time to get over the initial confusion, particularly when my god complex kicks in and I think she should really want to be with me. But then I see something shiny and stop caring. While none of my friends are into me I totally understand why. I'm way too open and very bad at picking women to date.
Use It As A Learning Experience
Now that you have accepted that you are surrounding by people that don't want to have sex with you its a good time to learn from it. There are a lot of guys out there that date a lot of women but don't know shit about women and women that date a lot of men but seem confused when men act like men. “Why doesn't she want to date me?” Probably because you've told her one too many stories of how you cheated and got away with it. “Why doesn't he want to date me?” Because he knows that you have a tendency to take a swing at men in your life.
Being friends with the opposite sex can be a double edged sword. The more I learn about women the more I realize that I will likely end up as a strange smell that is reported by neighbors. I have some amazing women in my life but will never be with them and I am good with that. In almost every conversation I have with them where they talk about the men in their lives I pay attention and try to do the good they do and avoid the bad. Most times.
Click here for previous Five Things I Learned.