If they gave out badges for oversharing
I'd get it. I hate public restrooms. I find it hard to use them for
number one's let alone number two's. But this series of stories is
about number two's and I swore I'd written about this before but I
can't find it. This story involves Little Tokyo, video game awards,
and a porta-potty.
KP and I had tickets to the Spike TV
Video Game Awards and I was going to meet him at his place and then
we'd hop on the subway to downtown L.A. I headed to his house and he
wasn't waiting outside like we'd planned. Someone that lived in his
building opened the door and I came in criminal style and went to his
place. I'd been there once before when we filmed a movie. I hear a TV
on inside and knock and no one answers. I wait a minute and repeat
this. I get mad and head outside and wait some more and it looks like
its gonna rain.
Fuck it.
I headed back home on the bus. KP
finally calls and now I don't wanna go anywhere. He convinces me to
leave the house. He comes to my place and we head downtown. We go to
this Japanese spot where he knows someone and we eat some curry. It
was good. Afterward we head to the show and halfway there I say to
him “I think I need to shit.” He concurs that he is suffering the
same affliction.
Now. There are times when I know I need
to use the bathroom but have a good time table to work with. Most
times I know I can wait until I get home or know how many hours I got
until its time to release the hounds. This time I knew I didn't have
that luxury. I was going to a very public show with the need to do
the ass dance. This sucked.
We get to the show and there is loud
music blaring, people everywhere, and porta-potty's placed outside.
I'd never used one of these before and thought that I would be able
to go my entire life without having to. But there was no way I was
going to be able to hold this in. KP and I part ways and I find a
porta-potty that appears to have not been used. I cover the seat with
enough paper to wrap a mummy and sit down using my long ass arms to
hold the door closed.
Then I unleash the beasts.
I have to admit, it felt very weird to
be in the most vulnerable position a human can be in besides having
sex or giving birth. Shitting is right up there. So I finish up in
maybe five minutes and come out sweating like I just got away with
murder. We head to the show, have fun, and I promise not to ever eat
Japanese curry outside of my home ever again.
Click here for previous Crap
Chronicles.
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