Monday, December 1, 2014

Woman Stabs Boyfriend For Eating Thanksgiving Dinner Without Her

Damn. Some folks take Thanksgiving more seriously than others. Jack-Lyn Blake of Pennsylvania who is 47 years old and too goddamn old to be acting this silly stabbed her 45 year old boyfriend Benjamin Smith in the chest after he started eating dinner without her. I could spend an entire blog just breaking down her silly ass name. Jack-Lyn? Really? Hey, allow me to introduce myself. My name is Dawn-Tay. Weirdo.

So the story goes that Benjamin and Jack-Lyn got into an argument earlier in the day because you can't really call it a holiday if there isn't a fight. Jack-Lyn needed a little nappy poo after getting wasted and when she woke up she discovered Benjamin balls deep in turkey and stuffing. She charged him, chasing him around the dinner table while Benny Hill's theme played in the background (in my head), and eventually caught him. Then it became stab time. Police were called and when they arrived Jack-Lyn came out saying “I stabbed him” because she has never watched TV and on TV they tell you to never admit guilt.

Benjamin was treated at the hospital and his injury was considered not terribly deadly. She threw the knife at him and that is some shit that only works in movies. By the way, stabbing people isn't as efficient as you'd like to believe. Jack-Lyn was charged with reckless endangerment, making terrorists threats, and aggravated assault with a deadly weapon. I'm sure she'll be out before Christmas to continue her reign of terror.  

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