You ever hear the phrase “Don't stick
your dick in crazy”? Well, I'm one of those people that like to
stick their dick in whatever you say I shouldn't. Oh, its been a
while and I should probably introduce myself. My name is Alan
Thompson and I'm an alcoholic.
Say hi.
Allow me to introduce you to everyone
I've met so far in this lovely facility. Oh, and how lovely it is.
Whatever your addiction is it will be cured with the help of our
lovely facilitator, Mr. W. Scott. There's also his daughter Carol aka
Softy. I don't know why she is here but I love her and want to marry
her. So far she and her dad are two of the three people that have
assaulted me in the last half hour since you and I last spoke.
The third one is Sad Sack. He was my
roommate. I say was because Mr. W. Scott just laid him out after Sad
Sack attacked me. Why did he attack me? Oh, that's not important okay
fine if you're gonna twist my arm I'll tell you! He said some rapey type things and
I may have mentioned this to some women folk and they may have told
and Sad Sack may be in jail soon.
There is also Boobs. She has the body of a
Greek goddess but the face on a Hindu one. What I mean is that she
has a body that can stop traffic but a face that could cause a car
accident. I think she is a sex addict. Inky is a tattooed chick with
half of head shaved I've seen around and I have no idea why she is
here.
Happy Hands was sent here for chronic
masturbation. That's not really a problem if you ask me. He is way
smarter than he looks but doesn't wash his hands after shitting. Beef
is a fat asshole that is here because he is addicted to exercise. I'm
kidding. He's a fat fuck. Mary and Joseph are a racist couple that
may or may not be brother and sister. They're not nice people. And
finally there is Google. This guy rules so much. He knows everything
about everyone here.
Then there's the big ass ant but he
hasn't spoken to me so fuck him.
I head back to my room and sit down,
already missing Sad Sack. Sure he was a large, angry Black man that
thought that forcing sex upon his wife was perfectly fine but he was
still a nice guy. My hands start to shake so I sit on them. It feels
like I'm giving myself an ass massage.
I kinda like it.
I lay down and try to give my dick,
stomach, and shoulder time to heal. Oh, god. I just realized that I'm
not going to be able to masturbate for a while. I pass out after a
few minutes and wake up covered in sweat and that giant ass ant
sitting on Sad Sack's bed.
“That's not yours” I tell him. It
just stares at me. “You represent everything that is wrong with
this country. Just rudeness abound.” The giant ass ant stands,
shakes its head at me, and walks through the door. That is not
normal. Someone knocks on my door once and then opens it before I can
respond.
“You will be having a new roommate”
Mr. W. Scott says. “Shut up.”
“I didn't say...”
“You were thinking of speaking and
just knowing that you possess enough brain capacity to form ideas in
your mind that you can then utilize what few fine motor skills you
have to form speech that I can hear bothers me” he says.
“You could've just told me to shut
up.”
“I will not divulge the nature of
your new roommates condition” he continues. “Before you decide to
think to ask your former roommate is on his way to the police station
where they will no doubt speak to his wife who will decide not to
press charges. He will then be free to find you after your stay here
and take out any and all of his rage issues.”
“I know that I'm bad at reading
people, but I get the impression that you really hate me” I
say.
“I do not hate you, Alan Thompson”
he says. “Hate requires care. I loathe you.”
“Somebody didn't hug you enough as a
child. Or hugged you too much.” Mr. W. Scott doesn't laugh so I
decide to switch topics. “Do you think Carol likes me?”
“I do” she responds from behind Mr.
W. Scott. “Dad, they want you at the front desk.”
“Don't call me dad” he says.
“You can call me dad...” I reply.
Carol smiles for a split second then leaves. Mr. W. Scott visually
castrates me and leaves as well. I think that went well. Mostly
because no one attacked me.
“Mr. Alan Thompson. Can you please
report to the front desk” a voice announces over an intercom in my
room I didn't know existed. Creepy. I tuck my dick sideways and leave
the room. The big ass ant is back on Sad Sack's bed.
Jerk.
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