Wednesday, July 1, 2015

Conjoined Twins Make More Questions Than Answers

You have some weird ass conversations at 3am. I was with some coworkers and someone brought up the topic of those conjoined twins on TLC which really needs to replace the meaning of the L in their name. I'd seen these two before and heard their story. Their names are Abigail Loraine “Abby” Hensel and Brittany Lee Hensel. They are 25 years old and born connected in what appears to be a terribly uncomfortable position. I couldn't imagine being this close to another human being, but since they were born this way and know no others its different.

Abby (5'2”) and Brittany (4'10”) have two heads (of course), two spines that merge, each control an arm and a leg, one rib cage, two hearts, two stomachs, four lungs, one liver, three kidneys, one vagina, and one b-hole. those last two would bother me. You can be sitting there watching your food intake because you like doing number two just once a day but your other half is shoveling Burger King into her mouth and making you go to the bathroom. Since you have control of one of the arms and legs you can decide to just not walk.

These two made me realize that I'd be an asshole conjoined twin.

I had so many questions while watching these two and none of them are answered. The two of them like different things and want to one day get married. That means both of them would have to like the guy. But they are recognized as two people so that means that only one of them could actually be married. That also means that when they do have sex that the guy is officially cheating even though they have one vajayjay. And how do I know they are recognized as two people? Because they had to get separate drivers licenses! 

God save the person in their blind spot.

The guy that taught them to drive was the bravest man on Earth. These twins do not have the option to disagree. Abby wouldn't let Brittany marry someone she wasn't into. I just picture their lives being a series of compromise. 

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